The Touchables

In 1978, I was living in Lincoln, NE where the cable system there would play B rated movies scheduling them to play twice a day for a week. I watched The Touchables six times that week. It hardly made any sense at all, though I did like the Pink Floyd Interstellar Overdrive during the boat on the lake scene. I still remember how cool it was to see everybody pile out of the car that had the front door on the entire front of the car. The movie was actually quite awful as they were holding the boxer hostage at the glass dome house. I was lost during that part of the movie. I kept watching the movie for a glimpse of something that never materialized. Yet, I still want to watch it today to see if I had missed anything.

Anyone can make a movie, it's enough to have a camera and a few actors. It doesn't matter if they are good or bad. The script doesn't really matter, does it? It can goes even without one, especially if you have a few pairs of panties on some sexy asses, plus a few locations, some cars, a motorboat, a transparent dome in Frensham Ponds... Not bad, right? We gonna have a movie! I came across this and said to myself, English, 1968, a title that takes me to the American series "The Untouchables... It's got to be something of it, let's check! Now, I would like to say something good about this movie but it's rather difficult, I can not, my dignity does not let me... OK OK, let's give it a chance and think that it's a surrealist artwork... No, it doesn't work, it's too... moronic. Oh, maybe it's the pure British replica of Antonioni's "Blow-up" and "Zabriskie Point" in only one film... Who wouldn't like to be kidnapped by four young beautiful girls, taken to a hiding place somewhere and gently softly raped? No, I'm afraid it's just an hour and a half of pure boredom!

I was a great fan of British wrestling and often went to venues on North and Central London. It was great fun. I well remember Ricki Starr who wrestled in ballet shoes and was a predecessor of Adrian Street. I had virtually given up on this film when up pops another bout which is refereed by the unforgettable Max Ward. He of the gravel voice who could make a count last an eternity.

As for the rest of the film it is instantly forgettable. How could Ian Le Frenais write this.

The problem was that after the success of British films in the States in the early sixties,the American film companies decided to invest heavily in British films and came a cropper. Who in their right mind could think that the script was worth filming.

The Touchables had intrigued me for a decade or more before I had the opportunity (thanks to FXM) to actually see it. It would have been for the best if they hadn't programmed it. The ONLY reasons to watch The Touchables are if you a)have an insatiable appetite for plotless 60s fashion shows masquerading as films, or b)you want to hear the terrific theme song by the (English) Nirvana. There's also a snippet of The Pink Floyd's Interstellar Overdrive used inexplicably as background music during a boat ride, but it's precious little consolation for sitting through this piece of ripe tripe.

You can't spoil giving anything away. The plot's thinner than a paper towel. From the opening, pre-credit scene, you quickly realise that whoever directed this..'film' was using his 'direction' as a chick-magnet. Well, the women who...'star,' can't act. But they're really good at applying eye makeup and posing (well, the posing's a little bit tired) The male star- Christian- the 'rock' boy is a really good looking, pouty-lipped, (but with an annoying adenoidal lower class voice/accent, that's grating even if that turns you on) late 60's quintessential pop star (though this one, David Anthony- didn't have any songs out, or at least any hits, or...well, he's very cute (and does seem a bit 'light in the loafers).

This movie's one of those you can watch in fast forward. You won't miss any plot (it's just a lot of bad pop art in the background, like Faux - Warhollian type stuff, Jimi Hendrix psychedelic posters- and Jimi WAS alive at this time),Chiquita bananas, with the girls cavorting for the camera. The best set is the AWESOME gigantic bubble where half the movie takes place in. I WANT THIS BUBBLE (and David Anthony)!

I'm gonna agree with John Seal, and what he said in 1999. This movie's...BAD. Just watch it in fast forward, look at the pretty boy, pretty girls, and then you're done.

Remember this was an X rated flick back then, so it's really like a bad Benny Hill, in terms of the TITillations-wink wink.