Alright, here's my theory, Herschell's name ending up on this nightmare had to be the result of his loss of some drunken poker game he had going with Brad Grinter, one night. Herschell lost, didn't have the money to pay up, so he allowed Grinter to use his name, to spare him the humiliation of the world finding out he's mentally retarded. Otherwise, who Knows what Grinter would have had to take credit for. But seriously, if you consider something like Year of the Yahoo or Blast-off girls to be bad, then you just haven't been searching hard enough, because How to make a doll is the absolute lowest of the low, at least as far as the work of Herschell Gordon Lewis goes. This movie will make Jimmy, The boy wonder look real interesting, real fast, Well, anyway, here goes...
The ridiculousness starts at the very beginning, it's about a little professor guy, Percy, he doesn't know of anything other than science and math, a 32 year old virgin who lives with his mother. I love how they play that "frustrated virgin" theme song when ever Percy is driving that thing he drives. A mere babe in the woods when it comes to the relationship between B and G, boy and girl, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. To make matters worse, Percy's mother is Rodneys mother from The Gruesome Twosome, so you know she's a hand full. If you haven't seen the Gruesome Twosome, it's actually 150,000 times better than this pile of pointlessness. Percy, being a frustrated virgin, who considers himself a creep, only really needs the companionship of a nice young lady. Percy would prefer the nice young lady at least be a real person, but, let's be honest, beggars can't be choosers. In a shocking plot twist, Percys scientist friend figures out a way to create artificial women, with some irritating machine. Is this Percys big chance to finally get a little experience with the opposite sex? Or does the machine just make a bunch of irritating noises that makes us feel like fools for buying such garbage? Buy Dr. Gore to find out.
Yikes!! We have quite a mess on our hands here, don't we? As far as I know, this is the worst film Herschell Lewis ever made, if not, then that's just sad. I'll be perfectly honest, when I watch this, I usually stop paying attention around the 20 minute mark, up until I replace the DVD with something watchable, like Decampitated. Like I said, This can be found, as an extra, on the Dr. Gore DVD from Something Weird Video. Dr. Gore should be the extra, because, believe it or not, it manages to be less entertaining than this one, how does that happen? How to make a Doll offers humor that juvenile doesn't even begin to describe, not to mention the countless hours of silly noises and scenes where nothing at all happens, really!! You got to be a veteran bad movie watcher to make it through this one. For something watchable, that doesn't involve gore, from Herschell Lewis check out Moonshine Mountain. For more Florida Bore check out Scream, Baby, Scream. for something worse than How to Make a Doll, check out Zombie '90. Sweet Jeepers, this movie sucks. 1/10
