The Million Eyes of Sumuru

In many ways, this is similar to (though actually preceding) FIVE GOLDEN DRAGONS, also a 1967 film from the Harry Alan Towers exploitation stable and, despite being helmed by the director of DEVIL DOLL (1964), the end result is a long way away from that eerie cult classic. It is the first of two Towers made based on the Sax Rohmer novels revolving around the power-mad and man-hating Sumuru – concurrently to them, Towers was engaged in a series featuring Rohmer's more famous nefarious creation i.e. Fu Manchu. I said similar, not just in the locales and typical spy-stuff plot but mainly the would-be comical approach, not forgetting the ageing wise-cracking lead (in this case, George Nader, whom I recently watched in his prime in SINS OF JEZEBEL {1953}). Incidentally, one wonders why they even went to the trouble of recruiting him when his young sidekick (singing heart-throb Frankie Avalon) receives top billing...ousting even the rightful protagonist, Sumuru herself (played by ex-Bond girl Shirley Eaton)!

Contrary to the afore-mentioned DRAGONS, the copy I acquired left a lot to be desired: panned-and-scanned (apart from the proliferation of seemingly 'vacant' sets, with the characters at either end of the Widescreen frame being entirely cropped off, we are also supposed to observe a tortured prisoner, but all that is left of the victim for us to glimpse are his trapped hands!), soft-looking and washed-out! Maria Rohm (her name here preceded by the epithet "introducing" despite its being her fifth film!) is also on hand as the latest member of Sumuru's subordinates (who is undressed before the others for approval!). Oddly, but entirely predictably, she is given a difficult first job which, not only does she bungle, but ends up becoming a Frankie fan (pardon the ROCKY HORROR allusion): their relationship does elicit one good line, though, when he has to wait while Rohm undresses (again!) and he wonders out loud whether that was his cue to burst into song! One unbelievable plot contrivance concerns a couple of doubles that come into play: not only is Nader engaged to serve eccentric President Klaus Kinski (both he and Rohm would also appear in FIVE GOLDEN DRAGONS) on the basis that he is a dead-ringer for his secretary but, when Rohm is sent to kill Kinski (and fails, but a Sumuru subject disguised as a soldier in his ranks steps in to carry out the task), the victim is an impostor too…with the real President emerging, alive and well (to say nothing of looking an awful lot like Mick Jagger!) from the next room and, immediately, begins to unwittingly unveil his lecherous nature before the bemused Nader.

Apart from the atypically dark-haired Eaton, who at least seems to be relishing her part, the film's brightest light is supplied by the perennially unflappable Wilfrid Hyde-White (who displays a fondness for acronyms throughout, always seems to turn up at fortuitous moments and is really the one to blame for the mess in which our heroes find themselves). As is to be expected, Sumuru's minions are chosen for their looks rather than their acting ability: needless to say, despite all the anti-male diatribes, these women – Sumuru included – are unable to resist the temptation of 'connecting' with them for very long; even more ruthlessly, the climax has the fortress being attacked and the women mown down without any consideration for their sex whatsoever (or even allowing them a chance to give up)! And, keeping up Nader's neglect, his romantic interest (a good-looking girl who had made her mark intermittently throughout the film) comes to the fore when, asked to eliminate him, she just throws herself at the hero (so that the action chores at this stage are left in the dubious hands of Frankie Avalon!).

Shirley Eaton, who earned some screen immortality as the babe covered in gold in "Goldfinger", plays the title Sax Rohmer character in this patently ridiculous, very tongue-in-cheek international-intrigue action flick. Teen idol Frankie Avalon and George Nader of "Robot Monster" infamy play some sort of special agents who must foil the efforts of our villainess, a feminist looking to replace world leaders with her ladies. She has the whole shebang: an island stronghold, secret passageways, an armoury, etc.

Featuring tons of gunfire but very little blood, "The Million Eyes of Sumuru" is a hoot and a half. You realize very quickly that it's not meant to be taken seriously, with its goofy performances and acres of really dumb dialogue. For this viewer, it never really induced belly laughs, but it put a smile on his face a number of times. Certainly it's hard to go wrong with a bevy of sexy female baddies. The sensual Maria Rohm got an "introducing" credit here, playing the role of Helga, a girl who's not too far gone, and is able to rejoin the forces of good. Nader and Avalon are amusing, with Nader making for a horrible dime store version of James Bond - but a very upbeat one. Special guest stars Wilfrid Hyde-White and Klaus Kinski are most welcome; the former almost always has a smile on his face, and Kinski is priceless as a leader named "Boong". But the performer to really see this movie for is Eaton, who does like she's relishing this moment in the spotlight.

The exotic settings are of course a plus (this is set in some fictional Asian locale, but was filmed in and around Hong Kong), and the picture is gorgeously photographed in 2.35:1 by John von Kotze.

One thing must be said before this review concludes: this script, as silly as it is, includes some surprisingly "meta" moments for 1967.

Eaton reprised her role in "The Girl from Rio", which was directed by Euro-cult favourite Jess Franco.

Six out of 10.

This flick was always on a "double-bill" because nobody in it (including one of the leads, Frankie Avalon - who starred in Beach Movies before this) was REALLY A-list quality talent, except for the beautiful Ms. Shirley Eaton (Painted-gold girl in GOLDFINGER). The plot is wack-city on a bad dexedrine trip with ancient greed or something. The sacriligious testament to Z-movie cultures exemplifies NOTHING! This flick isn't even EVIL or robotic, it's just a zenith of confusion ("plot"-wise), let alone there's some beautiful babes spouting Amazon-like platitudes about illusions of purity.

Needless to say, this sounds like a turkey (and technically it is), but it's an exploitation film without any known characteristic (sex, violence, bikers, horror..etc.) and manages to make you believe that these characters are actually believing what they're saying. George Nader was never great shakes as an actor, but had a lengthy career without having "known" talent or good hair. Shirley Eaton, one of the brightest, most beautiful and enchanting Brits of the 50's and 60's never gets to show something. But you have to check this one out. I give it a high (7) for this kind of thing rating, ..only because everyone involved SEEMS convinced it's a REAL PLOT! Anyway, give it a shot (if you can find it). Quite enjoyable in a sleepy, demented way.

Anti-male syndicate of beautiful female assassins, led by the no-nonsense, whip-wielding Sumuru (Shirley Eaton) at their base of operations near Hong Kong, plots international domination by ridding the world of its male leaders; two wisecracking American agents (Frankie Avalon and George Nader) use their masculine charms to save mankind. UK production, distributed Stateside by American-International Pictures, is a fairly tepid adventure yarn with 'humorous' asides. There are some interesting ideas (any woman who betrays Sumuru by falling in love with a man is automatically targeted for extermination), but not enough imagination or excitement. Eaton strikes a formidable figure as all-powerful Sumuru, and her army is certainly attractive, but film is a mishmash of clichés handicapped further by the casting of puerile Avalon and Nader, both lead weights. Eaton played Sumuru again in 1969's "The Girl From Rio". *1/2 from ****

It is really strange that most people seem to think this movie is unintentionally funny, but the truth is it surely was made as a parody of the 60's spy movies. George Nader is frequently bumping into something and has a lot of funny lines to say. He is obviously the stupid counterpart of his other role at this time, FBI agent "Jerry Cotton".

A big problem in enjoying this beautiful fun is however, that most available versions present this (shot in 2,35:1-Scope) film in shitty fullscreen transfers, so you can see only half of the real image and missing much important picture information on both sides, so you sometimes can hardly tell what's going on.

I'm sure, the day this finally will be released in a decent OAR-transfer the film will win a lot of admirers!