Doomsday Machine

Lots of more or less recognizable faces in this El Cheapo Production, most of them over the hill. Of the half dozen astronauts who travel to Venus, Bobby Van is a baby-faced wisecracker, Daniel Wilcoxin started out in movies in 1931, the ligneous Grant Williams' best-known role is as an incredible shrinking man, Ruta Lee is a determined doctor of cosmology or cosmetology or something, Mala Powers was Roxanne in the Oscar-winning "Cyrano de Bergerac" twenty-two years earlier. But I kind of liked the line up. Any cast with two dancers among the principals -- Bobby Van ("Kiss Me Kate") and Ruta Lee ("Seven Brides For Seven Brothers") -- is okay with me.

And with that, the accolades disappear into outer space. The acting is perfunctory. The dialog is formulaic -- full of phony technological static. "Don't change your azimuth because we can only give you two degrees of yaw on the nose." The inside of the space ship is bigger than my living room. Hell, it has more square footage than my entire mobile home. And its only furniture is six chairs for the astronauts, and the chairs are recycled recliners.

I didn't get past the space ship's journey to Venus but I know from the diligent research I've done that the plot has something to do with a Doomsday Machine that the Chinese Commies have buried two hundred miles deep in the earth. When it blows, it will set all the faults of all the earth's plates in motion. (Better that, than that they should dump their dollars and start investing in Euros.) To be honest, I knew I'd never be able to handle it shortly after the launch of the space ship. The director must have dozed off. I can understand some tense radio exchanges about technical junk but the scene dragged on and on -- and on. And -- NOTHING HAPPENS. And so we say good-bye to the six resourceful space travelers as they sail off into the sunset.

The movie is available without cost through Hulu Movies on the internet as part of a package called Elvira's Movies Macabre. I don't know if everyone knows who Elvira was but many years ago, in the LA area, people looked forward to seeing her. She was all made up in ludicrous vampire garb but still sexy, what with her cantilevered bosom. Her comments were never scary and sometimes funny. Here, she carries on girlishly about putting a man on Venus. How about putting ARMS on Venus first! (Then she has to explain the joke because otherwise nobody living in Los Angeles is going to get it.)

Considering that most of the film was made in 1967 and then sat on a shelf for nearly a decade before it was completed, you certainly can't expect much from "Doomsday Machine". What's worse is that none of the original actors were used in the new footage--making the final product rather incomprehensible.

When the Americans realize that the Chinese are about to deploy a doomsday device (thus killing EVERYONE), they quickly scramble to add women to the already scheduled flight to Venus--in the hopes that this crew can continue the human race. No matter that their space suits consists of silver motorcycle helmets AND the actual atmosphere of the planet will both crush them all to death AND it's deadly poisonous AND hotter than the temperature of most ovens! Sounds like the Garden of Eden, huh?! Most of the rest of the film consists of the folks on the ship over-emoting--yelling and trying to get noticed by the camera. It also consisted of the crew of men becoming VERY horny--and fights broke out among the crew over who would have the privilege of inseminating these three space gals. Ultimately, a disembodied voice tells the humans to get lost, as they destroyed the Earth and Venus wants no part of them...and the movie ends! All in all, a very dull movie that is, at times, unintentionally funny--BUT DULL. Not exactly among the worst films made...but close.

As far as the special effects go, they were state of the art in 1960. However, by 1976 they were VERY outdated and the film looks downright cheap.

By the way, look carefully for tiny roles by Mike Farrell and Casey Kasem.

UPDATE: I saw this film AGAIN and so I thought I'd review it again. Here goes:

I give "Doomsday Machine" a score of 1 as it's an incredibly dumb mess. A thoroughly bad film, by the end it completely gives up on trying to make any sense at all. I have no idea what the story is behind this film, but the project comes off like 4 or 5 different films all sloppily pieced together.

The film begins as an espionage film—with some Chinese folks breaking into a top secret (and easy to break into) government base. They learn by looking at some silly props in a cage that it's some sort of doomsday machine—though how they know this is completely baffling. Next, a US space mission to Venus is quickly altered. No, they haven't called it off because it's impossible to land there due to the planet's crushing and toxic atmosphere (real facts can't get in the way of this film!). It is to substitute a few hot ladies for some of the crew. This is in case the doomsday machine is used, they might be able to send horny men and women into space to continue the species.

This isn't a terrible idea for a film. HOWEVER, the execution is so terrible you have to see it for yourself. First, the astronaut outfits and ship look as if they are from a 1950s hokey sci-fi film---even though this movie was completed(?) near the time "Star Wars" debuted. Next, during their trip through space, you randomly see clips from earlier sci-fi films—some of which are Japanese! You also see models of the Earth that look like they came from the 50s as well. As far as the acting goes, it's just bad—and you know that if Bobby Van gets top billing you are in for trouble. But the most awful aspect is the ending. The last 15 minutes or so were obviously tacked on later and is 100% INCOMPREHENSIBLE. They put space helmets on two people who are NOT from the film to hide that they aren't and they pretend to be Van and his new girlfriend—though their voices aren't even close and their space costumes are different!! Then, a disembodied voice gives a long-winded speech and the film abruptly ends!! You just have to see it to understand what a terrible mess it all is—so bad I can't see how this film was ever released anywhere!

"An upcoming space mission to Venus becomes even more vital after a startling secret is revealed. Foreign agents have revealed a secret plot by the Chinese where they have manufactured the ultimate weapon, capable of destroying everything on the surface of the planet. The mission to our sister planet now becomes a fight for the survival of the human race, as the crew must try to save the Earth from destruction," according to the DVD sleeve's synopsis.

Apparently, the "Red" Chinese are preparing to attack the NATO Allies, with nuclear weaponry. So, a 1975 manned (and womanned) space mission to the planet Venus takes on added meaning; if the Earth is destroyed in a nuclear war, the only human survivors may be those people traveling to Venus. These men and women learn they will be playing "Adam" and "Eve" -- except for Henry Wilcoxon (as Dr. Perry), who is portrayed as too old for sex, at age 61 (when this was filmed).

There are very few redeeming qualities in "The Doomsday Machine". You will get to see Ruta Lee (as Marion) slap Bobby Van (as Danny) once. You could watch to see how performers like Grant Williams (as Kurt Mason) and Mala Powers (as Georgianna Bronski) handle their unenviable assignment. You might want to admire James Craig (as Haines)'s admirable physique, during his shirtless scene. Or, you could observe how space flight affects ladies' hairstyles. Casey Kasem and Mike Farrell have cameos.

I sometimes wonder why people make these sub B grade movies. But since they are made, there must be a market for them, although I have no idea where.

Out of all bad movies of this type, this one is not bad. It's clear that they had no budget for special effects, so a footages from a Japanese disaster movie is used, and the rockets are also from Japanese movies, and you can clearly see the rising sun symbol on its wings.

The best part of the movie is its plot. An exploration to Venus is suddenly altered at the last minute to exchange 3 male pilots for 3 female pilots. In fact the plan is to convert the space ship into Noah's ark for the survival of human race. But they do not find the new world so friendly either.

This movie can be remade with better production. The story is that good, with few alterations.

I hope someone will recognize the value and do a decent remake of this movie.

Very cheaply filmed sci-fi seems to be from the sixties not 1972. The special effects are a combination of photos of NASA models found in the local hobby store and special effects stolen from a Japanese film, probably Gorath. They probably didn't ever finish the original film as the ending is a combination of voice overs and repeated special effects. A very bad production. Interesting to see Mike Farrell before he did anything noteworthy.

Only good as a record of film making incompetence from the 60's/70's. Unfortunately the average sci-fi film shown on the SciFi channel these days is frequently no better.