Le mur des espions

There's not much left to say about this movie...it was bad, the characters were lousy, there were maybe three locations in the whole film, and it was less devoid of action than "The Starfighters". Adam Chance is an old, feeble man. Correction, an old, feeble, CRADLE ROBBING man! He has more skill at taking apart televisions and being repulsive than he does fighting crime. Thank God that we have the FBI and CIA and what not, instead of HARM (Huge Angular Red Marshmallows). I like how the only one who can save the day is the "elderly, wounded scientist" (in Crow's words). One of my absolute favorite lines in the whole movie is, "The combination of the pocket wound and the spaz chop was just too much for the old man." I think either Crow or Tom say it, but it doesn't matter. The only, repeat ONLY! redeeming factor of the movie is that the Russian woman is very attractive. I think it's her hair, she has hair like my girlfriend...who is Russian...hmmmm....maybe I should go buy a Cardigan....or not.

A paunchy, fiftyish sleazeball is...agent for H.A.R.M! He hits on girls young enough to be his daughter! And cops a feel while he's got his hands on them! He's smug, ineffectual, pompous and smarmy. The only reason he half way succeeds in his mission is because the bad guys are so lame. And he still managed to botch the case. That's what he gets for leaving that one location! And for some reason, his yellow cardigan didn't protect him. That must be the reason why he wore it for six straight days in a row, right? I must say-I've never seen a secret agent who wore a CARDIGAN before. Only grandfathers wear cardigans. Couldn't they have gotten a better wardrobe person for this movie? I mean, they saved all that money on the location scouting, they could have afforded to hire someone who wouldn't have put grandpa secret agent in a yellow cardigan!

fail. Yes the hero in this one will get no medal for his work in this one. The movie is trying to be a Bond movie, but when you only have a camera, 25 dollars, and one weekend to shoot...you may want to rethink that idea. The movie is about an agent protecting a scientist and his hot neice. He does this by hanging around their house for the weekend. Meanwhile, the villains including Prince and a bunch of other lugs are developing a biological weapon that turns people into fungus. The hero offs a couple of people once strangling a guy with a coat hanger and the second time by frying a person with a tv and of course he flirts endlessly with this gal who is young enough to be his daughter. He also reports to his boss who seems to be drunk. By the end of the movie our hero finally leaves the one location and then we find out why he so wanted to stay there because he really screws up big time away from it.

Here we have the epic adventures of a super-swinging spy from the '60s, complete with loads of gorgeous women, fantastic gadgets, and awe-inspiring adventure set pieces...

Actually, no we don't.

What we have instead is a painfully low-budget, underwritten, generally icky movie filled with token attempts at the girls, gadgets, and adventures of our pal double-oh-seven, but all falling faaaar short of that goal. Think of it as the movie you and your friends might make one Saturday afternoon if you tried to make a Bond movie with community theater actors and a camcorder. Only without the comedy.

Buh-duh DAH-duuuuuh!

If you thought Pierce Brosnan was a bad Bond, I think Peter Mark Richman will make you change your mind. Agent Adam Chance superficially is all the things Bond is: self-confident, good with women, and working for a secret organization. The problem is that the character also needs a little thing called charisma if the cockiness is going to work. With Richman, it just becomes laughable. Bouncing around in his yellow cardigan, it's a wonder the bad guys don't laugh themselves to death.

Agent for H.A.R.M.(whatever that stands for, we are never told) has absolutely no pace at all. After a hilarious first segment with some Russian spies, we get 80 minutes of boredom, odd dialogue (the "apple pie" part still doesn't make any sense to me), horrendous acting, and very little action, if there even is any.

The most blasphemous part is how our utterly hate-able, seemingly 60 years old "hero" gets the 20-ish blonde at the end. If this part doesn't make you want to throw up, I don't know what will (of course, there's a chance that you've already turned off the movie, or suffered a coma, at this point).

One of the dullest rip-offs ever made.(review#3)