Super Flics en jupons

One of schlock film master Ted Mikels' best bad films. Not as famous or fun as the Astro Zombies, but certainly worth checking out. Mikels is said to have sued TV Mogul Aron Spelling over Doll Squad, claiming Spelling created "Charlie's Angels" based on this film! That gives Spelling way too much credit. Don't know what ever came of the law suit, but I would like to listen to Mikels' legal arguments! Typical Grade Z government actor types program a big secret super computer to choose the ideal squad of secret agents to save the world, and it comes up with 4 fighting bimbos for the job. They use their sex appeal and unconvincing martial art skills to get the bad guy and titilate the audience. Everything in the movie has a very brown-orange shag carpet 1970's look. I'm sure Mikels was the first on his block to get a leisure suit.

'The Doll Squad' is testimony to Ted V. Mikel's complete lack of talent, in that he can take the idea of a team of beautiful assassins who must save the world from an evil mastermind intent on infecting us all with bubonic plague, and make it COMPLETELY BORING. On paper this looks like it could be a wonderfully trashy and camp 1970s experience, the kind of movie parodied with such skill and fun in the Austin Powers series. Actually trying to sit through it and stay awake is another matter! Mikel's woeful direction, the no-budget special effects, and the awful acting throughout make it almost painful to endure. Even the semi-naked appearance of the legendary Tura Satana ( from Russ Meyer's classic 'Faster Pussycat!') can't save this turkey!

MASTER PLAN: blow up rockets, get a microfilm and spread a bubonic plague - whew, the villain is busy in this one. Though a fan of seventies cinema, I've missed seeing this film until now and it really does seem like an earlier version of "Charlie's Angels," beating the TV series to the screen by a few years. But, this is much more violent compared to that safe TV style; in fact, there's also more of that seventies brutality here when comparing this to the James Bond films, the other franchise this movie sort of emulates. Neither side in this film, meaning the good gals and the bad guys, messes around. In an early sequence of scenes, the villain (Ansara) sends some assassins for a preemptive strike against the squad; one assassin shoots a squad member twice in the head at point blank range and still checks to make sure she's dead. Meanwhile, the Dolls deal with the villain's guards by having them swallow pills which literally make them explode. The squad's leader avoids her own assassination in a particularly heated fashion. These babes are brutal, in that cheap thrill sort of way, and terming them as a 'Doll Squad' is actually a bit insulting.

Most of the complaints about this film have to do with it being dull and, yes, there are a few slow spots, but, despite the obviously cheap quality of this Bond-wannabe, it's surprisingly entertaining. Just as in the first Flint film "Our Man Flint," a computer selects the ideal agents for the mission, requested by a senator & intelligence supervisor (Eisley); this also reminded me of the "Mission:Impossible" TV series. There had been other female Bond films, such as "Modesty Blaise;" this one presents a whole team. Most of the plot involves their plans to raid the villain's stronghold where, in the tradition of villains with unlimited funds, he employs his own private army. The last third is the actual attack, and there's much gunplay and karate chopping, not to mention explosions matted in optically (real explosions were probably too expensive, but there's a certain charm to these FX). The squad leader (York) has a personal history with the villain, who delays killing her because of this. York is pretty good in the role, not just a talentless bimbo, while Ansara excelled in these melodramatic larger-than-life roles. This also features a unique film appearance by Satana, who became a cult star in "Faster Pussycat..Kill!Kill!" but appeared in very few movies afterward. The climax even resembled the climactic action of "The Dirty Dozen" - femme fatale style, of course. Heroines:6 Villain:6 Male Fatales:5 Henchmen:5 Fights:5 Stunts/Chases:4 Gadgets:3 Auto:3 Locations:3 Pace:4 overall:4+

Director Mikels claims this was the inspiration for "Charlie's Angels." Maybe so or maybe not, but this film turns out to be a fairly standard 3 girl/4 girl formula exploitation acioner. Some funny scenes, like the exploding enemy agents. Satana is wasted in a supporting role. This one probably satisfied the drive in crowd in 1973, but it doesn't have too much to recommend it now, even to fans (like me) of this stuff, because it's a bit too clunky.

The Doll Squad pre-dates the hugely successful television series Charlie's Angels (1976 - 1981), and it's intentions are similar. After a catastrophic space shuttle launch, the clandestine group of government agents, must form to conquer this criminal conspiracy. Sabrina Kincaid (Francine York) is called to gather the scattered doll squad, a group of female agents. Practically all American films and television in the 1970's that involved crime were embroiled in conspiracy, from Starsky and Hutch (1975 - 1979), Police Woman (1974 - 1978) to The Amazing Spider-Man (1977 - 1979), and this film seems to have paved the way. It's certainly true that the producer of Charlie's Angels (Aaron Spelling) did go to the premier of The Doll Squad.

The films production is obviously incredibly low budget. Ted V. Mikels was previously known for the grindhouse cheapie's The Corpse Grinders (1971) and Blood Orgy of the She-Devils (1972), but this film's production values certainly rise above the limitations, and also look a lot better than the horror films. Where the film really fails is in the pace. It struggles through several clunky dialogue scenes, and often uses a piece of funky, disco-esque soundtrack (which is used far too much throughout the film) seemingly to attempt to give a dull scene a bit of pep - such as what appears to be either a fast walk down a long corridor, or a slow walk in a short one.

However, when the action does heighten, and that same piece of music is used appropriately, the film does have its moments of fun. It's always good to see the heavily made-up, statuesque '70's women beating up the weak men, from the women in prison movies, to proto-punk Switchblade Sisters (1975) - and of course their raison-d'etre, seduction. The film also boasts an appearance by Tura Satana, who was electric in Russ Meyer's Faster Pussycat. Kill! Kill! (1965). Whilst the film has it's lagging moments, and tedious dialogue, it doesn't ever really become boring. All the limitations actually function well within the context of the ludicrous scenes, and gives the film humour. A lasting example would be, of course, the technical effects for explosions. Mikels's solution? Superimpose a flare of red over the exploded object, then cutting object out: ridiculous, cheap-as-chips, hilarious!