Blackenstein

BLACKENSTEIN is a terrible movie and its title wouldn't suggest otherwise. Like ABBY (sort of like a Black version of THE EXORCIST), BLACKENSTEIN has practically no budget whatsoever and the acting is just terrible. Believe it or not, the two Blacula movies aren't that bad--BLACKENSTEIN, however, is abysmally bad--so bad that bad movie fans might (but probably won't) love it. Others with taste, however, won't!

One of the first things you'll notice on the DVD is that the print is really, really bad--though it does get a bit better later. This is because there just isn't much money to be made from this film and adding closed captions or digitally restoring the picture just isn't going to happen! You also will probably notice how odd Los Angeles is in the film. Most nights, there seems to be thunder and lightning and often there is an eerie fog about as well (perhaps this is just smog). Regardless, it's pretty funky weather for sunny Southern California! As for the plot, it's really not like the traditional Frankenstein story. There is no mad scientist and no dead people are reanimated. Instead, a sane researcher and his assistant work to attach dead limbs to living people who lost theirs in accidents. However, instead of working in a hospital, they work in the doctor's home which is more like a castle (in Los Angeles, okay?). Heck, the place even has a dungeon and Frankenstein-like laboratory! The assistant is a young Black lady whose boyfriend lost his limbs in an explosion in Vietnam. While the transplant looks promising, no one realizes that the doctor's evil butler switches the genetic formulas and the poor Black man starts to mutate and become evil. He, of course, goes on some obligatory rampages and since this is a so-called "Blaxploitation" film, you see two ladies' breasts--though it really made no sense at all and was very, very contrived. It's amazing to see how this made no sense at all, but given that NONE of the film makes sense, it's understandable.

So what is to like about the film......well,....nothing really except for the small sequence involving the comedian. One of the jokes, though a bit crude, is funny and he was pretty cute. The acting is purely amateur, the script is amazingly static and dull (something you'd never expect in a horror film--even a bad one) and the sets are cheap and make no sense. It's really too dull for bad movie fans to enjoy and I found myself falling asleep from time to time--it was that unexciting. By contrast, even the very worst Hammer horror film was light years better.

This kitschy blaxploitation film was originally intended as a serious movie, which (ultimately) earns it some points in the camp department. However, the movie's slow starting pacing pace, wooden acting, and (periodically) decent production value make for a largely uneventful ride. Using sets from the original 1931 "Frankenstein," as well as similar art direction, "Blackenstein" was a movie that tried hard to be legitimate, and the first half of the film rises above typical exploitation schlock. However, once the Blackenstein monster is created, the film begins to fall apart, and what follows is a terrible, "Blood Freak"-style horror movie, with laughably amateurish scene direction and gore effects. The result is a very uneven film, and a difficult one to recommend without reservations. The highlight is the awful acting, (particularly of Blackenstein himself), which makes for decent joke material, but I can't say we consistently laughed our way through this one. Fans of H.G. Lewis and Ray Dennis Steckler should be pleased, as the film has a somewhat similar feel, but most others can give it a pass. ---|--- Reviews by Flak Magnet

In his secret laboratory in his awesome mansion, Dr. Stein (John Hart) has been working on a new formula that rejuvenates tissue and reverses the aging process. Stein is approached by Dr. Winifred Walker (Ivory Stone) for help with her boyfriend, Eddie Turner (Joe De Sue), a Vietnam vet who has returned home minus several appendages.

Soon, mad science kicks into high gear, with machines beeping and buzzing while lightning flashes outside.

BZZZT! ZZZAPPP!

Pumped full of chemicals, Eddie undergoes Stein's "treatment". In no time, Eddie's a new man.

Uh oh!

Stein's monotone assistant, Malcolm (Roosevelt Jackson) is jealous of Eddie and Winifred. Not surprisingly, he messes with Eddie's "treatment", causing unforeseen consequences! Eddie mutates into BLACKENSTEIN! Shambling forth in all new threads, and a head like a fireplug, the monster-formerly-known-as-Eddie sets off on a bloody rampage of limb-tearing / gut-unraveling death! From this point on, no one is safe, and no woman's clothing remains intact, as unnecessary female nudity erupts!

Ludicrous in every way, this "blaxploitation" movie is hyper-schlock in its purest form. Honestly, the only thing of any true quality is the blues music on the soundtrack! Everything else is cinematic malpractice!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: #1- The monster's groovy, two-tone patent leather boots! #2- His incessant grunting! #3- The two police detectives on the case, who look more like a pawn shop owner and a game show host! #4- The "Blackenstein Meets The Doberman Gang" denouement!

Do not miss this must-see marvel of mutton-headed moviemaking!...

The moving has serious pacing problems, so it's pretty tough to watch. The best part of the movie is the laboratory set, which must have been where most of the budget went. There are three moments of gore involving intestines and they are not too impressive. A few strange shots might catch the eye, but they are probably ripped off from some other movie. At least Blackenstein is not a pimp or anything, though that's probably what viewers want from their campy movies. My tape is from Media. Well, I used a coupon when I bought it.

Nothing's sacred in the world of exploitation cinema, not even Mary Shelley's legendary novel or the classic Universal make-up effects on Boris Karloff. And thank the heavens for that, otherwise we never would have seen this wondrously demented Blaxploitation interpretation of Frankenstein. "Blackenstein" is a delightfully inept movie, some would even categorize it under so-bad-it's-great, and the script goes far beyond simply copying the original Shelley tale. There are even flashes of "The Island of Dr. Moreau" to be found here and there's another mini sub-plot about a rejuvenation serum. The actual Frankenstein plot is moderately altered as well, since the mad doctors (yes, two in this case, black & white brotherly messing with Mother Nature and God's creation together!) don't intend to re-insert life into dead body parts, but supply a wounded Vietnam veteran with new arms and legs. The procedure doesn't go as planned, due to the sabotaging of a jealous assistant, and a monstrous creation arises from the operating table. The genetically altered Brutha goes on a murder rampage but his endearing wife still doesn't give up on him. "Blackenstein" is original and funny because of its ineptness, but after a while it nearly becomes unendurable to sit through. The pace slows down fast and the story reverts to boredom, the dialogs are horrible, the make-up effects are miserable and the acting performances are lamentable. Especially Roosevelt Jackson, as Malcomb the assistant, is the hammiest performer I've seen in a long time. The DVD states that the operating sequences were shot with the same and carefully persevered scenery and sets of the original Frankenstein film. That's quite difficult to believe but, as said, everything's possible in the 70's exploitation industry. "Blackenstein" is definitely not a good film, but nevertheless recommended to people with a morbid & insatiable curiosity for weird film-making.