The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

The thing that attracted me to this movie was, of course, the bizarre and over the top title, but to be honest I wish the movie had been given a more generic name. This is the fourth film I've seen by the talentless Andy Milligan, and it's the third completely awful one. It would seem the director has an obsession with rich families and inheritance, as this is yet another film with a similar theme to Blood Rites and its crappy remake Legacy of Blood. This time, there's a family curse involving werewolves thrown in, but this doesn't make things any more interesting as the terrible acting and production values are still there, and this really is an awfully boring film. The plot pacing is trite throughout, and the film was giving me an itchy fast-forward finger before the final credits finally rolled. The special effects are tacky and ineffective, and there's not a single decent gore scene in the entire movie. Add extremely poor sound into the mix, and you have a film that isn't only boring and similar to other crappy Andy Milligan films, but one that you can't even understand! Overall, I wouldn't be callous enough to recommend this dross to even my worst enemy and you should take that as a reason not to bother seeing it.

I first met Andy Milligan in 1985 and told him how much I enjoyed his movies. I remember how he actually blushed when I asked for his autograph. This 1972 movie is his best . . .but I am the first to admit that is small compliment. The Mooney family has no end of problems. Pa Mooney claims to be 199 years old, daughter Monica (Hope Stansbury) is a sadist, son Malcolm is a halfwit and the whole family are werewolves! There is enough plot here for two movies! The eldest daughter in the family (Jackie Skarvellis) returns home from medical school with a new husband, which Pa Mooney heartily disapproves of, but she is the last hope that they can overcome the ancient curse. Will she succeed? Remember, this is an Andy Milligan film we are talking about! Clearly Hope Stansbury is the best actress in the picture. A Milligan perennial, she turns up in several of his pictures. Andy always denied it but I suspect it is he playing Mr. Macawber, the one armed, disfigured shopowner who sells Ms. Stansbury the rats which serve to pad out the picture by 11 minutes (11 l-o-n-g minutes!). Notice during one scene in Mr. Macawber's shop if you look at the background you will see several cardboard boxes labeled "Hires Root Beer". A great movie? No. A fun movie? Yes, definitely. I miss you Andy.

I'm not going to try to pretend that this (or any other Andy Milligan movie I've seen) is actually a good movie, but I can't help feeling there's a good movie buried somewhere in this mess, trying to fight its way out. The dialogue, while soap operatic, is reasonably intelligent, with none of the overt howlers that make (for example) Ed Wood's movies so laughably amusing. Some of the performances are pretty good. The principle locations are quite good. And there are moments of (twisted) imagination. But countering these assets are debits too numerous to mention. The technical standards are pathetic. Even granting that is was shot in 16mm reversal nearly forty years ago the picture is grungy and badly lit. The sound is so bad that you frequently can't understand what the characters are saying. The costumes were apparently whatever Milligan could get his hands on. The editing is poor, the make-up is poor, and (perhaps most unforgivable of all) for a horror movie the shock scenes are very badly handled. I'm glad I satisfied my curiosity by checking this movie out, but I don't think I could sit through it again.

And if that really was a live rat being nailed to a board, then that's the part that's TRULY unforgivable.

After watching Bloodthirsty Butchers I was afraid to watch this one, not for the horror but being horrified that it is another turkey. luckely it was better but still worse, the acting is better but still, yes you can guess it. Again there is a lot of talking in this flick and what the hell the rats are doing was not clear until I did my research. The movie was too short and the producer wanted some extra scene's, and that became the rat man with his, euh, rats. Nothing to do with the movie so you know it, the whole movie is a turkey. It's only in the last 10 minutes that the werewolfs arrive. Or is it carnival, man the make up is so stupid.It's all predictable what is going to happen, so no fear at all, no suspense and still Andy Milligan (the director) has his following, and still sells DVD's, this flick is a bit hard to catch and as always not that cheap.

That's right, that'll fix everything, just add scenes involving rats, now it's a good movie! Why would someone want to ruin a perfectly good 72 minute British horror movie about werewolf stuff, with 20 minutes dedicated to rats, just so it can be a 92 minute movie about werewolf stuff? OK, fine, there was never anything perfectly good about The Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves are here, we're looking at bad Acting (like it matters) worse lighting, an extremely not well thought out plot, with a poor choice of sub plot thrown in at the last minute. On the other hand, this movie gets pretty interesting, and would be considered underrated by some. Hell, I'll just say it, I dig this movie. Set in 1899, concerning an eccentric British family of bickering werewolf people in their castle. The 180 year old bed-ridden Patriarch, with his immortality experiments and what not, the sadistic middle daughter, Monica, who torments her half werewolf, half retarded brother Malcolm, and a couple older siblings. The bickering werewolf people are soon joined by the estranged, youngest daughter, Diana and her new husband, Gerald. Gerald is warned by the family members, repeatedly to leave, In fact, Monica is so displeased by the new guests, she brings rats into the situation, hence, the ridiculous title. There is a secret in the Mooney household, and as time goes by, it becomes less clear who can be trusted, but, I guess nothing overly special happens, like gore, although, we're treated to a nice little twist, which always counts for something in the horror genre. Ultimately, this isn't near as bad as it seems during the first viewing, could even pass for original, if your standards are low enough. For quality British Horror, check out Vampyres, and Psychomania, and for (slightly) better werewolves, check out Werewolves On Wheels. The Rats Are Coming, The Werewolves are here is reserved Only for those of us who have a thing for rare British Horror, as well as unusual/interesting Z-grade. The moral of the story? Inviting rats into a movie about werewolf stuff will never be a good idea, yet, awkward references to incest will always be hilarious. 7/10