Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things

This campy, offbeat Night of the Living Dead variant (on a far smaller budget) is creative and truly frightening. Alan Ormsby is a flamboyant, tryannical director who drags his rep company to an island for mean-spirited pranks in the cemetary. The actors, wishing to keep their jobs, play along. The "fun" climaxes when Alan uses an unearthed corpse named Orville in a mock Satanic ritual to raise the dead. What starts as an amusing (if slightly unfocused) comedy makes the transition into dark character study, revealing the truly dysfunctional relationship between Alan and his actors. He drops any pretense of fun and starts badgering, berating, and abusing the troupe--who, employment or no employment, are pushed to the breaking point. But the night isn't over yet. It seems that the ritual actually worked, and in a truly breathtaking sequence, the dead rise from their graves and close in on the living.

I saw CSPWDT on videotape, alone, as dusk melted into night. When it ended, I was shivering. This is true nightmare material. Though not as graphic as some, it's a strong PG, with surprising bursts of gore and implied necrophilia. The performances are thoroughly convincing--though subtlety may not be the actors' strong suit--with standout turns from Anya Ormsby (Alan's wife, resembling a demented Lynn Lowry) and sarcastic Valerie Mamches. The grainy, unpolished photography and claustrophobic atmosphere make it all the more effective. A deserved cult classic, this is perfect for Halloween and a must-see. Kill the lights and find out why Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things.

This is one of those great horror movies where the only problems can be found in corporate faults. This movie is full of great characters (even the character you're supposed to hate is really interesting), with good acting to back up the great story. I also like how Alan's necrophiliac desires are really underplayed by how the film is made. Some people won't even catch them the first time they watch it, which gives this an oddly intellectual angle. Also, most of the make-up FX are truly amazing in such a low-budget movie. The close-ups of some of these zombies really make that obvious, which makes me wonder how people could trash on these excellent make-up jobs. You want to see some bad make-up? See "Redneck Zombies", it will redefine what bad make-up is for you. Anyway, this movie is good at the black humor and just as good with the chills. This being a PG film without hardly any blood, I was surprised to find that the zombie attack scenes had an intensity to them that greatly rivaled those in "NOTLD" without hardly any gore. (Still, I do want to see the uncut version available through some import services and see why that version was rated for people 18 and over!) Another thing I love about this movie is that it has some of the greatest atmosphere to it. It retains a classic, dark-foggy-night horror feel throughout, with even the slowest of moments having a definite creepiness to them. It's also great to see a horror movie with zombies that relies more on the characters than blood and guts for a change. Many criticize this for being too slow, but I enjoyed every minute of it. A very sadly underrated and ultimately overlooked masterpiece of indie horror.

Bob Clark was always more interested in comedy, even when making horror. The problem has always been, for me at least, that his sense of humor was too stupid and infantile to ever be funny, or even believable when coming from the mouth of anybody over the age of ten. And so in 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' we have a bunch of grown adults behaving like elementary school children – pouting, whining, giggling and taunting their way from one pointless scene to another. Though the characters' childishness is supposed to be a plot point (hence the title), it's so tedious, repetitive and irritating as to make the first 2/3 of the movie almost unwatchable. Writer Alan Ormsby, badly miscast as the lead character, delivers one of the most embarrassing and cringeworthy performances I've ever seen. And don't get me started on the ridiculous caricatures of two gay men that pop up half way through.

It's worth sitting through all the Scooby Doo bullsh*t for a final act that seems like it was plucked from another, and far superior, movie. Sure, it's a complete rip-off of 'Night of the Living Dead', with everyone trapped in a house under siege by the undead hoards, but after such an appalling first hour, even blatant plagiarism is a welcome relief. But anyone expecting Tom Savini-style blood and guts will be sorely disappointed – 'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' is rated PG for a reason.

The hand-held camera-work is a nice touch, and the dark and grainy film stock lends a certain low-fi analogue appeal, but such aesthetic niceties are rendered redundant thanks to Orsmby's incompetence as both a writer and actor. There are a couple of scenes that are genuinely arresting – the sight of the undead scrambling out of their graves to the accompaniment of a raucous ambient industrial soundtrack works well, and one of the final shots, of zombies tumbling in to an upstairs bedroom in slow motion has a certain raw and gritty realism about it.

'Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things' is an ultra low-budget, played-for-laughs, light-hearted zombie flick whose great final act is not compensation enough for an hour of risible and tedious nonsense. But maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe Clark intended this to be the first ever zombie movie for kids. As such, it may be of great value as a preschool introduction to the genre before advancing to better examples.

For the hardcore B-horror movie junkie, I thought I'd pass along some interesting trivia related to this movies promotional scheme. This flick came to my town on the drive-in circuit and somehow managed to talk several area restaurants into offering a special menu for kids (!) that hawked the movie and simultaneously grossed out parents. The menu featured the individual restaurants usual fair, but with new titles... blood shake.. flesh strips (french fries)... brain delight (jello). The half rotten skull visage on the cover of the menu was enough to send most parents into fits. I wish I had kept it. Talk about a collectible! It's a great film, though. Enough tongue in cheek to make its sick theme tolerable. That menu made it impossible for me to see it. Had to wait until I found it on video many years later.

Anyone looking for a gory action-packed zombie movie will need to look elsewhere. This movie has more of a "Night of the Living Dead" feel, with an added wry sense of humor that's distinctly 70's. This movie might bore you at first, but I dare anyone to watch it late at night alone (with the lights out). The ghoulish concoction of forest sounds, the dissonant harmonies of animals of the night, and crickets make up the soundtrack to this movie. Coupled with this aural effect are the setting and eerie darkness (all of it takes place at night in a cemetery). There are no Hollywood big budget type music in the background to diffuse the morbid aura this movie exudes, as you are forced to experience the claustrophobic despair along with the movie's characters. Your patience will certainly pay off in the end as this seemingly innocuous film builds to a heart-stopping, frighteningly realistic climax.