Les 8 hommes en or de Shaolin

Forget the films of Ed Wood. This film is definitely a contender for the worst film of all time. Tension, drama, script, acting, direction you name it, this film fails at every level.

Every cliché of the Kung-Fu genre appears in this film. A blind swordsman, an indestructible enemy, interminable sequences of Kung Fu that seem more like country dancing than a form of combat, a plot so inchorent if not stupid it should get the kind of critical acclaim reserved for incoherent art house films and heroes so irritating they deserve a fate worse than death.

The most stupid scene is probably in the inital scene where the merits of the 72 killers are described, each group wearing different colour head band to signify the number of people they have killed.

Enormously funny if watched with a group of people in the right frame of mind.

Anyone who thinks this is the worst movie or even the worst kung-fu movie ever made hasn't seen very many. It's true that "72 Desperate Rebels" suffers from many of the problems of the genre -- poor writing; stock situations and characters; uninspired, cheesy acting -- but there are many saving graces in this particular outing.

Top of my list would be the presence of marvelous, always menacing, veteran villain Pai Ying as the bandit chief. He doesn't have much to do here, but it's always satisfying to see him. Also, even though it was just a short cameo appearance (and rather disappointing for that), there's a brief fighting scene featuring a very buff Chen Sing in his prime. The rest of the cast consisted of people I never saw before or since.

Second, the production values are surprisingly high for an indie film company. Even the extras have great costumes. There are good sets and outdoor locations, especially along what looks like the southern Taiwan coast. I particularly appreciated the absence of the cheap camera tricks like slow motion and fast, back & forth Leone-style cuts so overused by Hong Kong companies. Scene setup and art direction are quite good, all things considered.

Third, some of the action actually showed some flashes of creativity. As the Young Heroes fight their way up the hierarchy to get to the bandit chief, they pass through some rooms of a sort of magic causing them visual disorientation, dizzying flag twirling, and a bizarre contraption of small, deafening bells attached to an overhead bamboo framework. Not terribly believable, but interesting to see. Also, when the Young Heroes plus add-ons like the blind man and the one-armed swordsman have fought their way up to be able to confront the 7-foot tall pituitary giant, the tricks they use against him and his counter-moves showed unusual cleverness. Kept me watching all the way to the end.

I rented this movie from Netflix and would recommend it. The one thing I really missed in it was the scene so common in Hong Kong "BC vs YH" movies from the 60's and 70's where the lower orders of the bandit gang come back to report the the Young Heroes have beaten them soundly. The chief stands up, waves his fist at them, and shouts "You idiots," and the gang -- all neatly lined in ranks like a military company -- bow and shout back "Yes, Sir!"

THE 72 DESPERATE REBELS is a mildly crazy Taiwanese martial arts movie starring the unlikely-named Barry Chan as the erstwhile hero whose job it is to take out a huge pirate gang led over by a hulking leader who dresses as a monk. What follows is a film fill of glitz, glamour and cheese, not to mention plentiful action; the problem is that it was done on a very low budget, which means it's all rather silly and inconsequential.

The action scenes are adequate but far from the best the genre has to offer. Bai Ying and Chen Sing play in support. One of the supporting characters is called the Ghost Killer and proves to be a rival to Chan. The only part of the film I really liked is the character of the pirate leader, who has been clearly inspired by Richard Kiel's Jaws in the Bond films, as he has the same power teeth and imposing, over the top presence. There are some crazy antics at the climax involving his character which did raise a few smiles but overall this is a lacklustre movie.

72 DESPERATE REBELS is not terribly well-plotted or edited, nor is the kung fu what it should be in a film of this type, but it does have a certain visual flair and enough fight scenes to keep fans interested if not always seriously engaged. The plot has to do with a trio of heroes (two men, one woman) who take it upon themselves to try and bring down a powerful outlaw named Po Ho Nin (Pai Ying) who has an army of 72 killers and warriors whose combined skills have wreaked havoc throughout the region. The heroes are joined at one point by a blind swordsman (Lung Fei) who teaches them to 'fight in blindness' and, later, by a notorious swordsman who, they hope, can lead them to victory. At one point the heroes have to fight in different chambers set up by the bad guys, including the Tiger, Leopard, Crane and Phoenix chambers. In the latter, they are assaulted by hundreds of bells being rung overhead or thrown at them by women fighters.

The villain's personal bodyguards include a midget and a giant. The giant (played by Siu Kam) has the same glandular condition as seven-foot-two actor Richard Kiel and sports a row of gold teeth, recalling Kiel's role as the steel-toothed 'Jaws' in a pair of James Bond films. The giant bites on opponents' swords and breaks them with his teeth. The running joke is that, like Jaws in the Bond films, every time he's left for dead, he always rises up in the next scene to continue the battle.

The stars are not terribly charismatic. The female fighters are not memorable and not particularly skilled, although they are attractive. The only name actors in the cast are Tien Peng as one of the heroes; Pai Ying as villain Po Ho Nin; Lung Fei as the Blind Swordsman; Tsai Hung as one of the lead villains; and Chen Sing in one short fight scene as one of Po's warriors.

The plot is somewhat incoherent, the actors not at their the best, the English dubbing awkward, and the kung fu too reliant on gimmickry, such as incredibly high leaps up great distances. However, there is a certain amount of imagination on display and the giant is quite a novelty.

The narrator explains all about the pirates. A general comes to arrest the leader but the giant bites off his sword and spits the tip back into his forehead. Barry Chan teams up with the kung fu chick and they hear that "Ghost Killer" is coming to take on all 72 of Pai Ying's men. But Barry and the girl take the challenge first.

The plot here is really all about the martial arts. Barry does his usual competent job in the fight sequences but the girl has no power in her moves. She swings the sword as if afraid she might hurt the stunt men. Wan Shan as "Ghost Killer" arrives during the final fight. This movie makes every attempt to put something different on the screen, something the audience has not seen before. The problem is creativity is more than just being different. True creativity shows the audience what they haven't seen before plus what they never would have imagined seeing.

This movie seems to set the format for the upcoming "ninja" movies. I mean the movies with "ninja" in the title but have nothing to do with ninjas, with outrageous colorful shiny costumes, with fights that defy every law of physics, with weapons never before seen and with nothing that makes sense in between the fights.