Rio Verde

Outlaw Joe Baker (Dean Martin) wants to do something momentous in his life. To further this end, he agrees to acquire a Gatling gun from a fellow outlaw, Johnny Cobb (Albert Salmi), in exchange for any woman Joe can find. (Johnny is starved for female companionship.) Johnny starts "holding up" stagecoaches, looking for women, and one day he snatches Mary Anna Morgan (Honor "Pussy Galore" Blackman). The catch is that she turns out to be the never before seen wife of Joes' longtime nemesis, Cavalry colonel Morgan (Brian Keith).

Amiable Western comedy never really does deliver "something big" itself, but it's easy enough to take for an hour and 49 minutes. The script by James Lee Barrett isn't really that funny, or that witty, but it does have its moments. Director Andrew V. McLaglen has some fun with the material, as does the well chosen cast, who provide the main reason to watch this romp. Critics have excoriated it over the years, but in truth it's not all that tasteless. By and large, the people who perish are lowlife bad guys, and the violence is never particularly gory. Everything is gorgeously photographed by Harry Stradling Jr. The music score by Marvin Hamlish is so ridiculously peppy that it's quite amusing.

Dino is good in the lead, and Keith is a solid straight man in the face of some real buffoonery from the people around him. Lovely ladies Blackman, and Carol White as Joes' would-be fiancée Dover, add to the attractiveness of the scenery. Lots of familiar faces fill out the supporting cast: Ben Johnson, Don Knight, Joyce Van Patten, Denver Pyle, football star Merlin Olsen, Robert Donner, Harry Carey Jr., Judi Meredith, Edward Faulkner, Paul Fix, David Huddleston, and Bob Steele. There's also an endearing canine co-star for Dino who rides in a pouch strapped to his horse.

"Something Big" offers nothing special, but it's reasonably entertaining for the duration.

Six out of 10.

RELEASED IN 1971 and directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, "Something Big" is a tongue-in-cheek Western starring Dean Martin as aging outlaw, Joe Baker, who unknowingly kidnaps the wife (Honor Blackman) of a cavalry commander (Brian Keith) in order to obtain a Gatling gun from a scumbag gunrunner (Albert Salmi). Ben Johnson plays a scout while Carol White appears as the wannabe fiancé of Baker.

The title refers to 'something big' that Joe Baker is supposed to do before retiring from outlawry with several of the characters citing the line; a quaint idea, but it's not funny and gets old after a while. The opening act is a dud with nothing stimulating happening to draw the viewer into the story. There are several curious props (a skeleton, a dog, bagpipes and a peg leg), but they fail to stir much interest. Things finally perk up in the second half, but not enough to save the movie.

One huge problem is the idea that this antihero we're supposed to like is engaged in something way too unsavory (kidnaping the innocent wife to offer to the odious gunrunner, which amounts to slavery). Martin was able to get away with this type of character in the excellent "Bandolero!" (1968) because his crimes weren't so abhorrent; not so here.

There are some good bits, however, like the two man-hungry women living in the remote wilderness (Joyce Van Patten & Judi Meredith). Nevertheless, it's obvious why "Something Big" has been condemned to cinematic obscurity, never being released to VHS and barely making it to DVD in 2012.

THE MOVIE RUNS 1 hour 48 minutes and was shot in Durango, Mexico. WRITER: James Lee Barrett.

GRADE: C

I think the only thing that prevents Something Big from being a classic comic western is the awful let down at the end when Dean Martin decides to really do that Something Big he came west from Pennsylvania to do. The shootout at the end if anything is an anti-climax to the wild goings-on that preceded it throughout the movie.

Dean Martin after coming west to seek fame and fortune or at least enough to marry Carol White and support her is the leader of a group of outlaws with Carol's brother Don Knight as his number two. He wants to really make a score, do Something Big before returning to the east and another outlaw Albert Salmi has an interesting proposition for him.

Salmi's been without a woman for way too long now and his sidekick Robert Donner is not one to bring out the love that dare not speak its name. There just ain't too many folks of the female persuasion out in the territory. So if Martin will get him a woman, Salmi can lay his hands on a Gatling Gun to be used in whatever that Something Big scheme will be.

So what does Dino do? He holds up a few stagecoaches and then gets what he considers a proper woman, Honor Blackman famous as Pussy Galore of James Bond fame. The problem there is Dino didn't check her hand for a wedding ring, she's the wife of Brian Keith the commander of the local army post.

Ironically enough this silliness actually works as Brian Keith and chief scout Ben Johnson go searching the territory for Martin and Blackman. The various misadventures of the players goes for most of the film and when Martin does put his big scheme into operation in the last 20 minutes or so of the film, it is so anti-climatic, it's actually a let down.

Something Big is a very funny film for some reason not often shown. All the players do well, but my absolute favorites are Joyce Van Patten, and Judi Meredith the Standish sisters. A pair of frontier widows who really know how to be hospitable to a passing stranger, especially if the stranger is in pants.

Hopefully TCM will get this film and run it and soon.

Dino must have had fun making this one; lots of great familiar faces in there with him: Brian Keith as the gruff cavalry colonel, Honor Blackman (Bond girl 'Pussy Galore') as the colonel's classy tough-girl wife, Ben Johnson as the laconic cavalry scout, Albert Salmi at his brutish best, Merlin Olsen, Harry Carey Jr., Denver Pyle... and Joyce Van Patten as one of two hilarious man-hungry sisters. It's definitely dated --the 'Indians' especially are pretty embarrassing seen today--, but taken in a light-hearted spirit it's a pretty good ride. I'm sure this is preaching to the choir for those who have fond memories of watching it years ago.

The Marvin Hamlisch score is meant to give it a stylish air, a la Butch and Sundance (we can each judge if we think this succeeds), and Burt Bacharach confected a title song that will either make you smile or cringe, according to your taste. The rating was 'GP', and aside from plenty of casual murder it's not apt to shock too many viewers. The theme of abducting a woman to trade to a sex-starved lowlife (Salmi) for a Gatling gun in order to pillage a Mexican bandido's treasure trove is made to seem somehow sensible, though when the first potential abductee appears and is an amiable and attractive floozy, one is baffled that outlaw Baker (Dino) and his Scottish sidekick (brother of Baker's prissy fiancee) reject her as unsuitable. Well, the plot needed more complications...

Dino's character is supposedly a staid Easterner having a wild fling out West and accomplishing Something Big before settling down to permanent respectability, but come on-- Dino as a staid Easterner?? And we never see any real sign of Mr. Baker's staid side anyway, except in favoring a lady over a floozy (to do a floozy's job). Well, realism isn't the point here, so you might as well just put your brain in neutral and go along with it in the spirit in which it was presented.

Good clean fun with Brian Keith and Dean Martin. Who could ask for more than that? A well-written story line and a musical backdrop that sounds like "Love American Style". With an on-site western camera shoot and good cinematography, it's campy and funny, and thoroughly enjoyable. It is what it is.