- Cassandra: Pompeii's citizens will befall the fate of the sinful men of Gomorrah!
- Lurcio: Will they, indeed?
- Cassandra: And Sodom
- [pronounced Sod em]
- Lurcio: Ooh, I agree, the lot of them!
- Lurcio: [after Cassandra's prophecy; to the camera] Oh, she's very embittered, you know. Very embittered. You've seen the ring she had on? Well, allegedly, that was given to her by her fiancé when she was eighteen, and he jilted her, and she hasn't had it off since! Poor dear!
- [last lines]
- Lurcio: [to audience] I will quote from the last words of Cleopatra to Mark Antony: if you liked it, tell your friends. Saluté!
- [gesticulates "up yours" with his fingers]
- Lurcio: Eh, what was that? Ah, go on now, off
- [shot of the sky]
- Lurcio: [Lurcio is behind a bush and after a few minutes, produces a watering can] What are you looking at? Anyway I wasn't so don't think about it.
- Lurcio: [in the sauna] I can't see a bloody thing, can you?
- [naked woman passes by when Lurcio is in front of the camera]
- Lurcio: Eh, was that a naked woman just then? Damn, I missed her.
- [naked man passes by]
- Lurcio: But you couldn't miss him now, could you?
- [first lines]
- Lurcio: [during the opening credits when Frankie Howerd is displayed in small letters] Oh come on, bigger!
- Lurcio: [the name gets bigger] Don't be ashamed of it!
- Lurcio: [now bigger] Bigger!
- [now even bigger]
- Lurcio: Bigger!
- Lurcio: [the name is now very large, and most of it has disappeared] Alright, don't go mad!
- Ludicrus Sextus: [during Vesuvius' eruption] I say, Lurcio, how did my speech go?
- Lurcio: [in the rubble] Master, you brought the house down!
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