The Toy Box

You might want to check into getting professional help. I have seen a lot of movies in my 30 something years and this was without a doubt the single worst film of them all. Absolute trash. Really the most retarded movie of all time. This movie makes other bad movies look like citizen kane. Horribly dubbed to the point of being pathetic. Honestly the XXX movies of the seventies have better stories, plots, acting, and dubbing. It is chock full of nudity which is fine by me but still cant make this garbage worth watching. After 30 minutes I had to skip to the end because it was sooooo , well stupid. I had seen other comments talking about the twist ending. It was just as incoherent as the rest of the movie. Honestly people this movie is that bad. I like cheesy horror movies but this movie is too stupid for words. A new word needs to be created to describe just how bad this movie is. I could take a cheap camcorder and make a better movie. I don't even think this movie would be interesting under the influence of LSD and thats bad. lol... Avoid this movie like the plague. Sorry to rant and rave but it really sucked that bad.

The Toy Box is something of a crossover between a porn flick and a mystery themed horror movie, and it doesn't manage to lampoon either of these two genres. However, that's not to say that this is necessarily a bad film; it's certainly not a particularly good one, but through it's bizarreness; there's something here worth watching. It's clear that the plot wasn't the foremost thing on director Ronald Víctor García's mind, so instead he just packed his film with sex, but there is a plot here and it focuses on a mysterious 'uncle' who hosts weird parties in which people are paid to perform erotic acts. This party is a bit different to usual as uncle's not there; or at least not alive and the guests must perform in front of his corpse. I can't say that this film is particularly erotic and that's why it doesn't succeed as a porn film. I've seen quite a lot of porn in my lifetime, however, so I can forgive this one for not being erotic and focus on the good things about the sex scenes - and the fact that they're weird and different to the norm is a good thing if you ask me because it means the film is a little different. Naturally the whole thing is completely inept and the acting is horrible, but obviously no one goes into a seventies porn expecting a masterpiece. There's a stupid twist at the end, but if you make it to the end of this film; you're unlikely to care by then anyway. Overall, I can't say that The Toy Box is brilliant or a must see, but it's better than I thought it would be and it comes somewhat recommended.

The Toy Box (1971)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Donna (Ann Myers) and Ralph (Sean Kenney) attend another one of Uncle's parties where he has people perform weird sex acts in exchange for getting to pick out a prize from "the toy box." At this party however it's quite different because Uncle is dead and the sex acts are going on around his body. Soon party members start to turn up dead.

THE TOY BOX was originally released by Harry Novak and it eventually founds itself on DVD thanks to those great folks at Something Weird Video. I'm not going to sit here and call this a must-see or a masterpiece but if you're a fan of the bizarre then you'll certainly want to check it out. The film has an ultra low-budget but at the same time there's no question that it has a weird atmosphere as well as an early mix of sex, nudity, drugs and various horror elements.

As far as the sexploitation goes, there's plenty of naked people messing around here as well as some really beautiful women. There's a mass orgy going on so you've got a lot of people running around naked and there are some nicely erotic moments throughout. One of the highlights happens early on when the virgin Donna pleases herself with a dildo. As far as the horror elements go, they're not the greatest in the world but we've got that low-budget atmosphere, a meat clever murder as well as plenty of fog to go around.

THE TOY BOX has one major sin and that's the fact that it clocks in at 89-minutes, which is way too long for this type of film. There's really not much of a story so the film drags very badly at spots. Still, the bizarre atmosphere makes it worth sitting through.

Los Angles' Boxoffice International were truly the purveyors of some of the most unpredictable sexploitation movies ever conceived, and they didn't come much stranger than The ToyBox. Two swingers Donna and Ralph, along with a whole bunch of like minded individuals come to a castle run by `Uncle'. Uncle is a rich old man who rewards them for acting out some of their most out to lunch fantasies with a gift from the `Toybox' that always contains something they've always wanted. Its the fantasy scenes of `greedy people performing sex acts'that make up the film and what strange fantasies these folks have! One tubby guy fantasizes about women being hung up like butchers cuts who come back to life and hack him to pieces with meat cleavers. In what appears to be a parody of a German sex film, one long haired guy imagines himself and a girl running around speaking German, he puts on a scary mask and she kills him with a pitchfork. Uschi Digart, an actresses with big things in front of her turns up to get groped by a horny `Thing' like hand in a box (the latter scene really has to be seen to be believed). Donna and Ralph soon realise that things are far from normal- How does Uncle know what they're doing when he always stays in his room?, Why does he appear dead ? and why is he so lacking in the eyeball department! is it all part of an alien invasion? Soon severed heads start falling from the roof, people start dropping dead on the spot, a 50ft Woman and a glowing Kiss Me Deadly style case turn up as well. Never mind what 70's exploitation movie audiences made of this, today I can't imagine anyone watching The Toybox without thinking `what the hell is this?' What it is, is wonderfully disorientating. The Toybox also contains scenes that put most horror films of the time to shame, plus a spooky ending of Carnival of Souls proportions. Confusing? oh yes but far from the average softcore quickie its an almost impossible movie to classify- part Sci-Fi, part House on Haunted Hill and part skin flick as viewed through the eyes of someone on the verge of infinite madness. As for director Ron V Garcia he's more well known as a noted cinematographer on many movies (everything from Seventies sleaze to recent mainstream assignments) and has a good eye for the bizarre. Its a shame he didn't direct more movies, then again how could you top something like The Toybox?. It was as if Garcia wanted to create the most eccentric movie on the face of the planet, and he certainly had a good go ! The Toybox then is surely the best surreal Age of Aquarius sexpo overflowing with early Seventies craziness ever made.

It's the presence of Uschi Digard and Malta that make this film seeing at all. I wonder if this was the first erotic simulated sex combination horror scifi film. One thing is for sure, it's one of the weirdest wildest erotic films ever made. It plays like an x-rated twilight zone or outer limits episode. The actresses have great bodies especially Uschi and Malta. Marsha Jordan also makes a brief appearance in the orgy scene but don't blink or you'll miss her. It even borrows part of its film score from (are you ready for this) the original INVADERS FROM MARS (the classic scifi movie of the 50's!) The orgy scene is done pretty well. I'm not really giving anything away here because in every erotic film of this period there were orgy scenes and in some movies there were even two or three such scenes. Uschi has a great body and her two scenes are very erotic. The first one she basically is masturbating on top of a bed with (we assume) a guy under the sheets to make us believe the bed she is on is possessed. The second scene she is in is the orgy scene where she is having simulated sex, riding on top of a guy.