Quand les colts fument... on l'appelle Cimetière

This film was written by Enzo Barboni (also known as E.B.Clucher), the man who wrote and directed Lo chiamavano Trinità (1971) and ...continuavano a chiamarlo Trinità (1972). Those two films starred Terence Hill and Bud Spencer and they are, in my humble opinion,two of the best spaghetti westerns ever made. I agree that they are not as 'serious' and cool as the spaghetti westerns with Clint Eastwood, but still I enjoy them, mainly for their good stories and their funny and entertaining nature. Since I am a huge fan of the two movies I just named I decided to take a look at this one as well (mainly because Barboni wrote it).

NOTE: Just like all Terence Hill and / or Bud Spencer movies I see, I saw this one spoken in German.

Now, to be honest, this is not a film I'll recommend you to see. First of all, it is not nearly as funny as either Trinità film I mentioned before and second of all, the story isn't too good. I mean this film has a simple and basic story (as do most westerns), but I am afraid, the characters in it were just not that good. The cool guys were not cool enough, the bad guys were not bad enough and the McIntire boys were not put down well enough for me to like them. Also the myth surrounding 'The Stranger' was given away way too soon. The best scenes in this film were the ones in which Gianni Garko (The Stranger) and William Berger (Duke) shared the screen, particularly those towards the end of the film. The rest of the film just wasn't funny or exciting enough and reminded me a lot of E poi lo chiamarono il magnifico Barboni wrote and directed a year after this one was released. Stay away from this one and try Lo chiamavano Trinità or ...continuavano a chiamarlo Trinità instead.

4,5 out of 10 (of which 0,5 were counted as a bonus for the decent ending)

Before I review the film, I want to say a bit about the DVD that has both this film and another so-called 'spaghetti Western' ("Il Prezzo del Potere"). The picture quality is very poor and the DVD has no captions--just really bad quality dubbing. While in some films in the genre the dubbing was excellent (such as in the Clint Eastwood films), this one is not particularly good. As for the picture, it's scratchy and dark--so dark in one important scene that you have no idea what is happening. It is obviously a second-rate (or possibly third-rate) packaging of the film. You can't blame the film makers for this. In its original form it must have been a much better film.

The film begins with two brothers coming to the West to see their father. Apparently, they have been educated back East and have no idea of the life on the range. To call them ignorant is charitable--they are idiots. When they stand up to a representative of a group of extortionists who are threatening their father's ranch, they beat him (the extortionist--not the father) up...and have no idea that the gang will naturally come looking for them. They also naively assume the law will simply arrest the gang and can take care of the problem non-violently. Can anyone be THAT stupid in a film of this genre??!! Fortunately, a man in black ('Cemetery') stumbles upon them and takes pity on them--teaching them how to use a gun and not be a couple ignorant rubes! In many ways, this man in black is similar to characters played by men such as Lee Van Cleef in Westerns--a decent and inexplicable guy and also someone you don't want to irritate! In addition, he has an acquaintance who is also equally bad whose loyalty to his boss seems a bit suspect at times--leading to an interesting showdown between the two master gunfighters near the end.

While there were approximately 68 bazillion Italian Westerns made during this era (give or take three), what sets this one apart a bit is that it doesn't take itself so seriously. Sure, it has all the requisite killing, the bad guys and the scary bad hero, but it manages to make you laugh occasionally (such as the swimming scene as well as when one guy's mustache ended up looking like Charlie Chaplin's--thanks to some fancy shooting). While certainly not in the same league as the Sergio Leone films, this is very good and worth seeing--plus I doubt it was intended to be in the same league. Still, this one is more a very good time-passer with a bit more to offer--even if some of the humor is a bit broad (such as the fight scene with the ranchers).

Overall, the film loses a couple points for the dubbing and print quality and earns an overall score of 6. In its original form, no doubt it would be a bit higher.

The curse of following a formula is that you will necessarily be compared to the best examples of that formula. And the best of this pocket of movies is the Leone stuff. We've actually, I think, adjusted our definitions of camp and happy excess to suit those, because of a couple elements that appeal: the musical riffs, the Eastwood grin.

This one has a stylized west, absolutely no females in any frame. Good, bad and samurai. As with the Leone/samurai model, all the plot devices revolve around the noble rules of "the guild" of gunfighters for hire. All the humor is based on coolness associated with lethality. For those of us that like this sort of thing, the ultimate trip starts with Kurosawa, runs through Leone's copy and ends with Walter Hill's "Last Man Standing.

So this is a sort of waste of time, is less of everything that is defined elsewhere. But if you stumble on this, pay attention to the rule of twos. Its a simple way for writers to create superficial folds after the manner of Tolstoy.

Here you have two gunslingers, two bad guys, two factions in the good guys (the breeders), two comic sons, two more comic Mexican servants of the sons. If there were real writing going on, you'd see reflections from one pair to the other, tensions between pairs reflected in certain pairs and so on.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.

Giuliano Carnimeo is mostly known in the spaghetti western universe for his Sartana sequels that followed in the wake of Frank Krammer's very successful original, so successful in fact that it spawned a vast number of unofficial sequels only second to Django. For They Call Him Cemetery, he takes two seasoned genre veterans and throws everything and the kitchen sink in the mix to make a damn fine, entertaining movie.

Two young greenhorns with impeccable manners arrive from Boston to see their father somewhere in the far west. Which, as they soon discover, is a lawless place, full of gun-totting and impolite people. Their father, along with every major ranch owner in the area, is being blackmailed on a regular basis by a bunch of bandits. It's up to the two youngsters to find out who's behind all the scamming, but they're not on their own.

Enter Gianni Garko as the Stranger. Garko is one of those genre actors that is probably unknown outside the spaghetti western circle, but a cult icon for fans. A regular collaborator with Carnimeo, here he practically reprises his famous Sartana role. Sure the name's different, but the gun, the look and the style all screams Sartana. Garko might be on the greenhorn's side but his antagonist, hired by the bandits to bushwack the nosy kids is none other than William Berger, another great actor and cult spaghetti western icon. Both of them are spot on in their roles and there are sparks flying in their scenes together. A big part of why They Call Him Cemetery is so successful is that it relies on the shoulders of such experienced and talented leads.

Lucky for us, the absurdly convoluted plot lines of Carnimeo's Sartana sequels are missing. Instead we get a fairly simple story, with a whodunit touch and lots of comedy, both in the form of caustic dialogues (Berger's lines about his mother are a hoot and a half) and bucketloads of slapstick. If the latter brings to mind the Trinity movies, it should be no surprise, as Enzo Barboni penned this one. There's none of the grim outlook of Corbucci's westerns to be found here. No sign of the leftist Mexican revolution trend of the late 60's either. This is a funny, badass, stylish Italo-western that concerns itself only with pure entertainment. The pacing is practically perfect, something interesting happening at every scene. There's also a great score by Bruno Nicolai, who provides nice themes for both Garko and Berger's characters. Sure there might the typical amount of unnecessary pans and fast zooms that every spaghetti boasts, but what really makes it so good is that it's crafted with genuine fascination for the old west (and the old American westerns by extension).

In that sense, it's a true spectacle in the vein of master Sergio Leone. Like the godfather of the genre used to say "it's like playing cowboys and Indians". Indeed, there's a playful quality in They Call him Cemetery that makes everything so much fun to behold. The vision of the chaotic west seen through the eyes of the two greenhorns in the first 15 minutes as they arrive in the small town is a laugh riot. Parents soothe their babies cries by giving them a bullet to chew on, old ladies demonstrate their impeccable shooting skills by chopping cacti in half, there's a huge slapstick brawl inside a saloon, people face-off in the middle of the street. Everything is tongue-in-cheek and yet done with a childlike fascination for the west that now takes the form of myth. That's where spaghetti westerns really take off. It's the old west interpreted through the eyes of impressionable Europeans. And when they succeed like They Call Him Cemetery does, it's because the people that make these movies really love their subject matter. Judging by Carnimeo's other films, I didn't think much of him. This one certainly had me reconsidering

Two fancy-pants brothers return west after years of eastern schooling and almost immediately anger the local gang of murderous extortionists. However, the boys have an ace up their sleeves in the form of ultra-cool gunslinger Gianni Garko, a mystery man with a debt to pay.

After the first several minutes of pretty silly slapstick, things get good, with lots of amusing touches and a neat performance by Garko, dubbed into English by an actor sounding like he's doing an impersonation of Clint Eastwood!

Whenever Garko disappears too long though, the movie begins to suffer. Still, it's worth recommending for spaghetti western fans who've already seen everything.

I've noticed that other viewers seem to overlook the connection between the brothers and the gunfighter, why he's protecting them. It's actually explained quite early on, in pretty certain terms.