The Extraordinary Seaman

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, before there was the direct-to-video market, people who made howlingly bad films had just one way of mitigating the financial loss. That was to send bad movies to small towns where people would pay to see ANYTHING at a movie theater, because there was nothing else to do. (We're talking about the pre-cable, pre-VHS, just 6 channels on TV days, folks!)

This is how I came to see "The Extraordinary Seaman" in a double-bill with "Krakatoa East of Java" in Lancaster, California in 1969 when I was 13 years old. This has to rank as one of the most awful pairings of movies of all time.

It's funny, because for all that I can recall this movie as being incomprehensible, boring to the point of inducing numbness, and funny only in unintentional ways, Alan Alda stood out in it as the only bearable element. (I know Faye Dunaway and Mickey Rooney are credited in the movie, but I cannot for the life of me remember anything about what they did, which is probably a good thing.) This is not to say that his performance was good. It wasn't, that was impossible, this movie was so bad. This movie's most redeeming feature was that it inspired practically the whole theater to throw popcorn at the screen and to add an audience soundtrack of groans and hisses and boos and hoots, and that was fun.

What it left me with is an indelible memory of what a backwater Lancaster, California was in the days before the Antelope Valley Freeway was built: we were the kind of small town where bad films were sent to eke out a little revenue for the people involved. I think about that every time I see some direct-to-video movie in the rack at the supermarket check-out stand.

And I'm devoutly thankful for all the options we have now to avoid seeing movies like "The Extraordinary Seaman."

John Frankenheimer directed some truly great films in the 1960s, including BIRDMAN OF ALCATRAZ (1962), THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE (1962), SEVEN DAYS IN MAY (1964), and THE TRAIN (1964). THE EXTRAORDINARY SEAMAN (1969) is a rare foray into comedy for the director, who'd found such success with dramas and thrillers.

THE EXTRAORDINARY SEAMAN is one of those sloppy experimental comedies from the 1960s. An anti-"war movie" (rather than an "anti-war" movie). Irreverent, satirical, but a bit messy and undercooked. It's certainly not a great film, but it has its merits. The stylistic conceit of incorporating vintage newsreel footage (with faux newsreel narration) into the story is an interesting touch. The patriotic newsreel montages create an ironical juxtaposition with the decidedly unheroic circumstances of the main characters. Maurice Jarre's bouncing score adds a quirky edge to the wartime setting and keeps things lively.

The plot: A motley group of shipwrecked American sailors (led by a young Alan Alda) comes across a dilapidated British naval vessel and its eccentric and mysterious captain, played by David Niven. The lovely Faye Dunaway joins the crew as they pull out of the Philippines and head out to sea during the final days of WWII. Hijinks ensue.

Mickey Rooney plays one of the sailors and suspects that everyone is a Jap spy. Despite a rather weak script, David Niven gives an enjoyable performance. I liked the casual way he'd report that Alda fell overboard.

During the '60s filmmakers liked to experiment with unconventional storytelling. THE EXTRAORDINARY SEAMAN is an atypical film from John Frankenheimer. The novelty of the newsreel footage gives the film a unique personality, but the madcap editing comes off as messy sometimes. There are some good creative ideas, but the finished movie lacks focus. The result is a little-known curiosity with some recognizable names attached. A mediocre movie, perhaps, and certainly not up to the director's standard, but I think the IMDb community is being too harsh on it (a 2.5 rating?!).

This movie has all the elements of a great movie, with a suspense ending. The Ever-Lasting Bottle of Scotch, was a wonderful touch and I for one would love to have a bottle just like that. This movie, though far-fetched, was a wonderful imaginative film, and usually the type that had not only comedy, imagination, but great acting as well. It looked like they were all having fun in the making of it, and I found it hilarious while watching it in Calgary Alta .

Despite the producers attempts to make a film with some semblance of a budget and cinemascope and bright, pretty colors, the film just seems to be an extraordinary cheat on all levels. Unlike "M*A*S*H," also from 1969 but from 20th Century Fox, "The Extraordinary Seaman" clearly uses stock newsreels as a cheap crutch and as a substitute for advancing action - and when that wasn't enough, they further padded its meager 80 minute running time by manipulating the footage. The attempt throughout to blur the line between newsreels and the film's own footage is clumsily handled. For contrast, try the way this same line was more deftly and more trippily blurred by Richard Lester in 1967's "How I Won the War" with John Lennon. As others here have observed, the breaking of this film into six named "parts" was a pointless exercise. Hell, it didn't work any better when "Frasier" did it on TV years later, did it? Major comedic talents - in particular Mickey Rooney and Jack Carter - are simply wasted in subservient roles, and are allowed to disappear before the film's ignominious conclusion. The casting of the secondary leads, Alda and Dunaway, was just really strange, considering that neither actor projects any kind of romantic vitality. (I would insert that Alda has clearly never developed as an actor, and from that day to this - and as many have observed - he just plays himself in role after role, and merely runs his lines without adding either depth or nuance to characterizations.) I'd say it was astounding how Paddy Chayefsky used Dunaway's reputation as an on screen ice-bitch to monumental advantage in 1976's "Network," with perhaps the most hilarious sex scene ever filmed: the one with William Holden in which she never stops yammering about work for a second. In "The Extraordinary Seaman," there's no clear reason why her character is even there. In fact, the only actor who projects any warmth or depth is David Niven, who makes it all look easy as befits a grand actor of his caliber. However, the role he makes look easy is itself a stupid cheat - a gimmick role that I feel most people in the audience would have figured out long before Alda's character did, due to their 1960's training with twist-ending TV shows such as "The Twilight Zone" and "The Outer Limits." Niven's ever-refilling bottle is the only decent throwaway gag in the entire proceedings, and thankfully John Frankenheimer displayed the judicious restraint to keep the gag from filling the center of the frame as a hack director might have. Alda's character made sure to point each! and! every! other! facet! of Niven's character's quirks to the audience... several times. Even his attempt at mutiny and his repeated man overboard gags are ineptly handled. As a further "goof," one reaction shot of Alda in full face (Part V or VI) is quite clearly reversed and is as painfully obvious as some shots of William Shatner you find in the miserable last year of "Star Trek" in which the same thing was repeatedly done. And by the way, didn't some of those overturned trees in the run-aground sequence look awfully fake? Before TCM ran this film, I had never even heard of it, and now it's clear I know why. It never should have been made.

That's just about all you can say about this film that is so bad you simply have to gape in wonderment. Although just 80 minutes long, the film features an extraordinary amount of padding via moronic file footage of such events as Bess Truman trying unsuccessfully to break a bottle of champagne across an aircraft's nose. The plot has something to do with a ghost (David Niven)whose old scow of World War I vessel is discovered by some American sailors in the final days of World War II in the Pacific. The producers probably thought that with Alda, Rooney, Dunaway (just off her "Bonny and Clyde" fame, recall) and Frankenheimer helming the whole thing, it couldn't miss. Well, it did.