Certain, probable et même possible

This very disappointing Italian sex comedy dashed my illusions. I had the Pollyanna notion that the thousands of interesting-sounding Italian films from the '60s and '70s unreleased (or barely released) in the U.S. were automatically hidden gems. This is a clunker that proves professionalism is not enough -there has to be a tad bit of inspiration for a film to be watchable.

Like all Italian film devotees, I lament the steep decline of that nation's industry over the past 25 years or so. Virtually no Italian film merits wide distribution anymore in America, and very few are shown here at all, comparing with the dozens of wonderful imports we used to get, numbering as many as a hundred per year back in the peak glory days of the Sixties into Seventies. Their factory system seems to have come undone, a calamity I date back to roughly 1983 when the filmmakers were forced by law (the actors' union having won a pivotal case in court) to henceforth make their films with direct sound recording, ending the era (symbolized by Fellini) of MOS, silent movies dubbed into Italian (or whatever) later, that were infinitely more creative than what has followed.

With this cast I was expecting something fun & hopefully superior to the Hollywood crap of the late '60s -fading Doris Day styled vehicles. But instead the English-track version of TELEPHONE OPERATOR, with Claudia and John Philip Law articulating their dialog in English, adequately post-synched later, is dumb, obvious and relentlessly unfunny & unsexy. We see pros going through the motions in sub-TV-sitcom situations, helmed by a director (Fondato) who was given big stars (like these or Monica Vitti) but had little comedy talent. And he had to compete with over a dozen of the greatest comedy directors of all time: Germi, Risi, Monicelli, Scola, Lattuada, Wertmuller, Comencini, etc.!

Cardinale and Spaak are unlikely roommates -trying to make a living at menial jobs, notably the title telephone operator gig (for Claudia) and apprentice hairdresser (Catherine), while stealing each other's succession of boy friends. Cardinale is the lovable one, while Spaak is styled as mean-spirited, not villainous but just nasty to our dear Claudia. The guys are handsome and enthusiastic actors but there's just no funny material here to work with (Fondato is basically a screenwriter known for writing Bud Spencer comedies, so let's blame him) and though the femmes strip to their underwear it's not sexy either. If Fondato had piloted Laura Antonelli's, Stefania Sandrelli's or Serena Grandi's careers, I suspect we never would have heard of them, so wasteful is he of his superstars' abilities.

I concede that stars had to keep working, cranking out many films in a well-greased system like Italy had during the '60s, not unlike the ongoing production mania of Bollywood in India. Producers flitted from briefly popular genre to genre: sword & sandals, supernatural horror, westerns, comedies (always a staple), violent horror thrillers, political dramas; crime/action programmers, and ultimately sex films (increasingly explicit) ended the cycle. What is disturbing about TELEPHONE OPERATOR is how it wasted two of the arguably "hottest" performers of the time. Made in 1969 it closely followed on the heels of Spaak's career peak, starring as THE LIBERTINE, a huge international success including Radley Metzger's distribution of the film in the U.S. Claudia was coming off starring in the movie that puts her in the history books, ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST, not to mention the fact that she had long-since established herself as a Hollywood star with many big titles ranging from CIRCUS WORLD and THE PROFESSIONALS to romantic comedies opposite Rock Hudson and Tony Curtis. It is inexplicable, other than the old Mario Puzo gimmick in THE GODFATHER involving a horse's head, why she would be forced to work for Fondato a couple of times.

Similarly slumming is John Philip Law, basically taking up space as the most dim-witted of Claudia's boyfriends here. He stooped to pick up a paycheck for TELEPHONE OPERATOR right after starring in a remarkable string of contrasting yet all successful (in their own genres) films: THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING, DEATH RIDES A HORSE, HURRY SUNDOWN, DANGER: DIABOLIK, BARBARELLA and a critically acclaimed breakthrough THE SERGEANT. In a 3-year period that's an unbelievable run, yet his agent signed him up for this sludge? Go figure.

My explanation would be that stars then, as now, would routinely make some fast cash in a given market as long as it did not conflict with their main career. The analogy for today would be how many U.S. major figures like Woody Allen will go to Japan and do TV commercials, confident that they never see the light of day back home in America. TELEPHONE OPERATOR did briefly play in the U.S. in 1973 (I never had a chance to see it - it didn't get a wide release at all), but obviously did not affect the stars' careers adversely.

Light Italian sex comedy with Claudia Cardinale and a huge star cast from ItaloCinema

This film is by Marcello Fondato (1924-2008), also known as "Certo, certissimo...anzi probabile" (in English: Sure, quite certain...downright probable) and "Diary of a Telephone Operator". From 1969, but was only released in West German cinemas on January 25, 1973.

The telephone operator Marta (Claudia Cardinale) and the hairdresser Nanda (Catherine Spaak) live together in an apartment and are constantly looking for men. Later marriage not excluded! Marta, the more warm-hearted of the two graces, is also quite successful and always drags down real great guys (John Phillip Law, Robert Hoffmann, GOLDEN GLOBE nominee Antonio Sabato (a few years later also as a strong bully alongside Brad Harris in "Zwei Schlitzohren in der gelben Hölle / Two Rascals in the Yellow Hell" (1974). ) convincing), which Nanda, who is really a bit nasty when it comes to such things, then just tries it out for her. At some point the good Marta gets fed up, looks for her own apartment and even marries the likeable Pietro (Nino Castelnuovo ), which of course she initially hides from her man-devouring former bosom friend. Then one day a friend of her husband's (Lars Bloch) comes to visit, who sets up home with the newlyweds. Now Marta needs her devious friend again to get rid of the unwanted one to keep the intruder busy elsewhere. Will that work?

This forerunner of the commedias sexy all'italiana, which was very successful in the 1970s, doesn't really take off despite the huge star cast. The actors try very hard, but good entertainment only comes to a limited extent. Claudia Cardinale, who has a very old-fashioned hairstyle in this film, unfortunately falls short of her potential. A surprise is Catherine Spaak, who was also seen two years later in "Die neunschwänzige Katze / The Cat of Nine Tails" by Dario Argento, who is very convincing in her role as a devious friend. The three male objects of desire all do their job well, although it is surprising that GOLDEN GLOBE nominee John Phillip Law ("Barbarella" and "Danger: Diabolik"), the actually biggest star of the three, got the stupidest role. Born in 1936, Nino Castelnuovo is known from classics such as "Rocco and his brothers" (1960), "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg" (1964) and "The English Patient" (1996). And the Danish actor Lars Bloch is unforgettable as the Scottish captain who comes to the aid of the muscle-bound brawling aces Brad Harris and Giancarlo Prete in their final brawl in "Der Tomatenkrieg / The Tomato War" (1975).

Marcello Fondato didn't have a particularly good hand as a director here. He did it better a few years later in the brawling classics "Zwei wie Pech und Schwefel / Two Like Bad Luck" (1974) with Bud Spencer and Terence Hill and "Charleston" (1977) with Bud Spencer solo, in which he had some of the most beautiful brawls in the world History of Italian spanking comedys.

Not quite a successful sex comedy, but the ItaloCinema AllStar line-up is definitely worth seeing!

This movie essentially begins with an attractive model by the name of "Marta Chiaretti" (Claudia Cardinale) interviewing for a position as a telephone operator. Although her voice is rather raspy, her good looks--and the fact that she insists that she doesn't want to get married--allows her to be hired almost immediately. To that extent, it's during the course of her work that she comes into contact with several male callers who are extremely lonely and as a result ask her out on a date. Naturally, because she is quite beautiful, all of the men eagerly hope to be invited to her apartment to become better acquainted. However, when they get there they soon meet Marta's roommate "Nanda" (Catherine Spaak) who has a totally different agenda in that she is quite desperate to be married--and she is more than willing to seduce each and every boyfriend Marta brings over. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this was a somewhat lackluster comedy which also suffered from a rather disappointing ending as well. On the plus side, it does feature good performances by both of the ladies just mentioned with Claudia Cardinale pretty much dominating every scene with her beauty and charm. That being said, while this certainly wasn't a good comedy by any means, it was still sufficient for the time spent and I have rated it accordingly. Average.

The most interesting aspect about "Diary of a Telephone Operator" is that the sex-obsessed characters here are women instead of men for a change. However, whether you are a woman or a man, odds are that you'll find this so-called comedy very tiresome. There's not much of a plot here, for starters, and the movie takes forever to get going. And when it does, it moves very slowly. The movie is more a collection of vignettes than anything else. This might not be so bad had the movie been funny, but it really isn't. The humor is too low-key, and it's hard to warm up to the lead characters since they aren't very sympathetic.

By the way, despite the title, there's actually very little telephone operating on display here.