Une fois avant de mourir

It almost defies belief that a movie can be as bad as this one, without it being fun to watch, like any number of Ed Wood films.

Put this DVD on if you have unwanted guests, and watch them exit your house, rushing to depart to save whatever sanity they have left.

A rotten, lousy waste of time.

What a waste of time confusing. pointless and annoying. The action scenes in this were stupid beyond belief. Why would you drive around in circles in a truck whilst trying to shoot a passing aircraft with a machine gun you're not aiming? Sticking red circles on a Sherman tank does not make it Japanese! I know they weren't really central to the plot - if you can call it that but still what a crock o crap. So many scenes were unexplained, why would senior officers be sitting in a strip club with enlisted men and then brawling? Why didn't they believe Custer about the rear guard action? Why is Custer allowed to cut the sleeves off his shirt and wear it like that? How does Ursula keep her outfit clean and pressed after jumping in every river she sees? Oh and another thing - why, after the battle, does Custer hand Alex his .45? She's never touched a gun before and never shown any interest! Disjointed and without flow, I really regretted watching this one through to the end. it's dire!

J

John Derek has never made a good movie in his life. He's been IN some good ones, but he's never MADE a good one, and there's no better example of his almost complete lack of talent as a filmmaker than this. He takes a potentially interesting story--the guerrilla war waged against the Japanese after their takeover of the Philippines in World War II--and for some reason turns it into a game of who's going to nail Ursula Andress before the Japanese kill everybody. Derek apparently thought that the sight of Andress, his wife (or girlfriend, or whatever she was) at that time, in various stages of undress was enough to draw people into the theaters (it wasn't). Because of that, he obviously paid no attention whatsoever to minor things like having a coherent script, directing the other actors, maintaining a semblance of continuity--trivial matters like that. The only saving grace (professionally, that is) is Richard Jaeckel's performance as a soldier eventually driven insane by the fighting. Jaeckel was always one of the most watchable actors around; he had that cockiness and explosive quality that Cagney had, and no matter how lousy the movie was (like this one), he always pulled it up a couple of notches. Unfortunately, he wouldn't have been able to pull this thing up with a crane. Its infuriating pretentiousness is its main undoing. The dialogue is so Ed Woods-ian in its rambling, nonsensical "what-the-HELL-are-they-talking-about?" absurdity that you finally find yourself wishing that the Japanese would come in, whack everybody and put the cast--and the audience--out of their misery. An absolutely painful experience that makes you wonder, "How in God's name did he get anyone to put up the money to make this thing?" Skip it.

Once Before I Die is far more entertaining than most recent WW2 films such as Steven Spielberg's anaemic "Saving Private Ryan". This film may be the cinematic equivalent of a car crash but I would prefer to see Ursula Andress strolling through battle fields with perfect hair and make-up than watch Matt Damon pollute the screen as a lost soldier. This may also be the first and last war film to contain a "Porkies" style subplot about a soldier trying to lose his virginity.

John Derek is a hugely misunderstood director. Admittedly, he has made some of the most inept films in cinema history but at least he had the decency to fill his movies with large doses of gratuitous nudity and unintentionally hilarious scenarios. His films may be crap but they are rarely boring. Once Before I Die provides John with an opportunity to direct his lovely wife, Ursula Andress. The plot that John chose for his then wife is startling to say the least.

Ursula plays Alex, a Swiss "refugee" stuck in the Philippines during WW2. When the Japanese attack, Alex's soldier boyfriend, Bailey (played by John himself), invites Alex to tag along with his battalion on their way to Manila. Unfortunately, Bailey accidentally drops a grenade while trying to steal Alex a teddy bear and leaves Alex to make a general nuisance of herself during enemy attacks. A major exception to this occurs when Alex makes herself uncharacteristically useful by deflowering a soldier while the rest of the battalion attack a Japanese tank with tree stumps.

The film's storyline is undeniably ridiculous but it does compensate the viewer with surprisingly violent content for a movie made in 1965 and amusing visuals of Ursula prancing through the jungle like a slightly disheveled Bond girl. The combat scenes are reasonably well done but would have been more convincing if John Derek didn't superimpose faded images of Ursula over the action. The most bizarre example of this is the image of Ursula holding a glowing orb, which is superimposed over the opening air attack. The film also offers some beautiful photography and a visually impressive, if utterly confusing finale. The acting is hit and miss, with significantly more misses than hits, but Ursula is rather wonderful as Alex. It takes a special kind of genius to walk through a war zone in riding pants and high heeled boots without coming across as completely demented. Richard Jaeckel also scores points for his fantastically over the top portrayal of Custer, a deluded soldier.

Once Before I Die is a treat for John Derek aficionados and fans of crappy film oddities. You definitely wont see another war movie like this ever again.

It's been many years since I've seen this movie on TV, but it's badness is permanently engrained in my memory. I kept looking for the high school theatre dept. mention in the closing credits. All these soldiers wanting to have a crack at Ursula Andress, before they meet their doom. Hopefully, the next time it's on, there'll be an Ed Wood film on another station!