How to Stuff a Wild Bikini

"How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" is almost a pretty good movie. It looks good and has a game cast. It's just a little too dumb to really enjoy. There aren't any real laughs. There are quite a few almost laughs. There are a lot of songs but they are all pretty bad. The only thing the songs have going for them is that they are short, very short. I managed to watch all of "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini" but I don't think I'll be revisiting it anytime soon.

This is the final film to feature Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello as Frankie and Dee Dee, and it is also the worst. Avalon had grown weary of playing an over-aged teen-ager and wanted to do something more with his career and at the same time Annette Funicello had recently married and was starting a family. In fact, Ms. Funicello was very pregnant at the time the film was released. Also, Avalon was in the middle of filming Sgt. Deadhead and couldn't appear in the entire film. The solution, bring in Dwayne Hickman as Rick, an advertising executive, to keep Dee Dee busy while Frankie was off on military duty. This was a big mistake. These best thing about the "Beach Party" films was the chemistry between Avalon and Funicello and this film falls flat on its face because the two are on screen together for only a minute (not counting the duet they sang via split screen). After this film was completed, the two retired from the genre, Avalon to attempt more serious roles and Funicello to raise her family. However, Samuel Z. Arkoff tried to keep the series rolling a couple of more years before he finally gave up the ghost, and not the one in the invisible bikini.

Frankie (Frankie Avalon) is 'working' his Naval Reserve duty on the beaches of Guna Guna Islands with his island bunny. She brings him to witch doctor Bwana (Buster Keaton) with his concerns about Dee Dee (Annette Funicello) stepping out on him. Bwana creates a wild bikini and stuffs it with Cassandra (Beverly Adams) who entices all the men to her. Ad man Peachy (Mickey Rooney) arrives looking for the perfect girl. His assistant Ricky overlooks Cassandra and falls for Dee Dee. Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck) and his motorcycle gang are back once again.

Frankie Avalon is barely in this one. Annette Funicello has never been a great actress unless watching her eat KFC is appealing. What's the point of Funicello if she's not with Avalon. It would have been great to have her be the Queen of the beach alone teaching kids to surf. More than anything, Mickey Rooney seems to have the most screen time. The rest of the girls are little more than bikini models. Their greatest contribution is spelled out in the first song, their measurements. It's all very light weight. Only Mickey Rooney is capable of any comedy and he's treading water in a sea of clueless young people. This movie needs a younger couple who could take over the franchise. It's sad to see legend Buster Keaton playing a witch doctor. It's inherently sad to use him in such a questionable manner. The most fun aspect of the movie is the title. It is the pinnacle of cheesy beach movie titles.

Frankie Avalon, on naval-reserve duty in Tahiti, does not trust Dee Dee (Annette Funicello) to stay faithful, so he hires Bwana (Buster Keaton), a witch doctor, to help. Bwana conjures up a floating bikini, "stuffs" it with Cassandra, and sends her to distract advertising executive Ricky from Dee Dee.

What to make of this beach movie from American International... it has Mickey Rooney, which is good... and Buster Keaton, which is very good (how AIP convinced him to play these roles is beyond me). And most interestingly, we have the Kingsmen performing.

I liked the running gag with the pelican, but was just confused by the "Healthy Girl" song. And why they even cast a pregnant Funicello is a mystery. I am not knocking her for being pregnant, but it is weird to cast someone pregnant in a beach movie -- she is sitting on the sand in baggy clothes, quite in contrast with everyone else.

The second to last Beach Party movie. In this one Frankie Avalon is separated from Annette Funicello by being in the Naval Reserve. While on an island he gets a witch doctor (Buster Keaton!) to see if Annette is being faithful to him. Keaton sends a pelican (???) to spy on Annette. Meanwhile handsome, attractive Ricky (Dwayne Hickman) is hitting on her. Then there's Mickey Rooney looking for the boy next door and girl next door for an ad campaign.

Even for a beach party movie this is pretty desperate. Funicello looks way too old to be hanging out at the beach (and her pregnancy is clearly visible); the dialogue is more inane than usual; the songs are (to be nice) terrible; the jokes are stubbornly unfunny; Hickman is as bland as they come (even worse than Chris O'Donnell); Harvey Lembeck returns as the incredibly unfunny Eric von Zipper; the "comical" motorcycle race at the end is incredibly stupid; and it's kind of sad seeing Keaton and Rooney reduced to this. Still, this is kind of fun in a silly sort of way. It's not even remotely good but I kept watching. The Claymation opening is fun and I did laugh out loud at the "Bewitched" joke at the end. Also this is perfect for young kids. So it's not good but it's harmless. It's certainly better than the next (and last) beach party movie "Ghost in the Invisible Bikini"!