Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine

Vincent Price looks like he's having a great old time in this preposterous film Dr. Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine. For a classically trained actor like Price the chance to do a whole film around a Snidely Whiplash type villain must have been impossible to resist. Of course he got the money up front.

Dr. Goldfoot has invented an army of robots who look like cover girls in bikinis and his mad plan is to get them married to the richest people in the world and take over their money. Such a one played by Susan Hart he's targeted Dwayne Hickman with. But her programming got messed up and she goes after Frankie Avalon a would be secret agent who is the cause no doubt of his uncle spymaster Fred Clark's baldness.

Nothing wrong with seeing all these statuesque beauties, put your mind on them and you'll forget the inanities of the story. However Price and his assistant Jack Mullaney will give you a few chuckles. They remind me of Jack Lemmon and Peter Falk in The Great Race.

It's excruciatingly dumb, but also very funny.

But in the kind of way people like hospital Jell-O. You take it simply because it's there.

A friend brought this over to my humble abode for what seems to be a new tradition of "Bad Movie Nights". This pithy little nugget is quite the mound of poo, but it was so laughably bad that, well, I pretty much laughed.

Hilarity and hi-jinks ensue as Diane the multi-accented robot (and Carmen Sandiego wardrobe impersonator) rips of the wealthy in the name of Dr. Goldfoot (and does he have a bikini machine... but hey, who doesn't have one these days?). The good doctor is played by Vincent Price, and our main hero is Sonic restaurant spokesman and beach movie veteran Frankie Avalon. So for the duration of the film, we get a Motown/claymation intro/theme song, a far out and utterly random dance moment, goofy plot devices, dungeons with motorcycle riders, a dense henchman, a Scooby Doo-esque graveyard, lots of girls in bikinis, quite possibly the longest and most improbable chase scene ever, and the fabled line "stop dinging that dong!" Ah, this is high comedy, or comedy created while someone was high. I'm not sure. It was slapstick that would have made Jerry Lewis very proud indeed.

If this never made it to MST3K, then it should have. My friends and I ripped into it with sarcastic glee. All we were missing were the robots. I was stunned about how laughably bad this film was, and yet when it was all over, I actually had a good time with the thing. This is definitely a film to watch if you enjoy hurling witty insults at bad films. Everyone else, run far away, but stay for that wacky theme song.

What can one say about this movie? It's ridiculous but iresistable. Vincent is always fun, the film has great color and location photography. A perfect time capsule of how much fun the '60s could be. The Les Baxter score and songs are great and the opening number, with the Supremes, no less, is a rockin' Baxter classic!

A totally dumb, freewheeling comedy, good for some lowbrow fun. With its mad scientists, bikini-clad girls, laser guns and silly slapstick gags, this film has definite cult possibilities, but it's never really very funny (despite campy performances by Price and Frankie Avalon). Plus, the mismatch between on-location filming and rear-projection techniques in the final big chase sequence is so obvious it becomes awfully distracting. (**)

"Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine" is one of those campy'60s movies that are, basically, an excuse to show bikini-clad girls in a movie. Vincent Price stars as the mad scientist Dr. Goldfoot, with an insane plan to rob all the world's richest men. Frankie Avalon plays a bumbling secret agent trying to foil Dr. Goldfoot's evil scheme, and even pokes fun at his "Beach Blanket" history. This movie has a ridiculous story, but it has some good qualities. For one thing, the animated opening credit sequence is fun and eye-catching. For another, the chase scene is a good laugh. And, if nothing else, is has better production values than its sequel, "Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs"!