The Beach Girls and the Monster

MST fans are familiar with the classic episode whereby Mike and the 'bots turn their comedic talents on the East Coast beach movie "The Horror of Party Beach". Like "Horror", "The Beach Girls and the Monster" takes place on a beach and features a monster, but that's where the similarities end.

"Beach Girls" tells the story of Otto, who is a scientist. Otto is a control freak who can't control anyone in his life. You see, Otto has a trophy wife by the name of Vicky who likes to cheat on him and a son who has been neglecting his work in the family's sea lab. The son carries some guilt over being involved in an accident which gives his friend a limp. Seeing that he's been living life way too seriously, the son has taken to the beach life, surfing and dancing with pretty girls. This does not please the father at all.

Otto's son and his friends party like it's 1999, but a monster is killing them one by one. Why them and no one else? Why are we never shown the origin of the monster? Well, after about the 2/3 mark of this movie, it becomes very apparent what the answers to these questions are. This movie is not so much a horror movie per se, but rather a drama involving a dysfunctional family that just happens to have a monster in it.

One little item might escape you on first viewing it. In one scene, the son and his friend are viewing a movie of surfing in Hawaii, which really lends nothing to the movie except to pad it out so it runs at least an hour. The movie is shot in black and white, but the inserted footage is in that washed-out 60s color. Watch for it.

Sterno says catch this wave and ride it in to shore.

Pretty cheesy. John Hall directs and stars in this movie also known as MONSTER FROM THE SURF. Pretty girls are slashed to death by a sea monster. Right! I have always liked Jon Hall, but this movie is as interesting as sea weed. Stock footage of surfing and no "real" monster at all. Acting is about as lame as the script. Also in the cast are Sue Casey, Elaine DuPont and Walker Edmiston.

I remember watching this movie as a kid and I thought it was pretty scary, so when I saw it on DVD I decided to get it and now I see why a lot of people think this movie is a stinker. The film is part beach party flick, part whodunnit, part melodrama and part horror. John Hall, who showed a lot of promise with his role in The Hurricane, really showed how far his career had fallen when he became involved in this throwaway and Sue Casey showed why she was nothing more than a minor league actress. The other actors, if you can call them that, are so bad that you wonder why this film was ever made. However, I do like looking at bad movies and this is definitely one of them.

For years I've had the TV version (Monster From The Surf) on VHS off of TV. Despite it's shortcomings, I watch it once in a while. Maybe it's the surfish soundtrack (nice minor key whammy-bar during the monster scenes); I've added the opening credits theme to my surf guitar repetoire. I also enjoyed the character Mark, the sculptor,(Walker Edmiston's finest moment?) who really digs the surf crowd (rather vacuous and dull in this movie) but can't seem to connect with them. I wonder if Frank Sinatra Jr. really composed the music. I also wonder if Jon Hall actually got in the monster suit. I doubt it. For his sake I hope not as the performance of the monster was awful. Note how after 'brutally murdering' the 1st victim he makes sure not to drop her on the ground hard. Anyhow I was surprised to see this on DVD but didn't think it deserved the price it was selling for. Later I found it used and happily picked it up. No outtakes or commentary (I doubt there's a huge public outcry) but some good liner notes about the cast & movie. *1/2 out of *****

... when you see a boom mike in the trailer!

"The Beach Girls and the Monster" features a clear shot of Sue Casey speaking on the phone during the trailer. With a boom mike above her. And the perch.

The movie itself has a delightful scraping the barrel approach when it comes to exploitation. You can find the two main sub-genres from the 60's b-movies melting: the monster movie and the beach movie. Both aspects are indeed badly done. The monster is everything but frightening and one has to wonder why any of his victims hadn't the idea to kick him between the legs. And the beach part is so cliché ridden it looks like a "Lord Loves A Duck" sequence, except for the fact that "Lord Loves A Duck" was a parody (also featuring boom mikes on screen). There's for instance, for comic relief, a ventriloquist and his lion Kingsley who duets with the girls on a corny song. Actually, he could be the worst ventriloquist on Earth: he carries a false beard to hide his moving lips.

Then, you find all the features of cheap exploitation movies. Washed-out actors playing the parts of supposedly attractive characters. "Teenagers" that were last seen in high school 15 before the shooting. Big names on the credits, like Frank Sinatra. Even if you must add "Jr" as that's his son, Frank Jr, and he merely wrote the score (mostly lounge jazz and a few Beach Boys attempts). Actually, Mark (Walter Edmiston) looks a little like Sinatra as the sculptor that Sue Casey teases. (By the way, his sculptures are not exactly flattering even for a fading beauty like Ms Casey.)

Jon Hall, for his only directing credit, shot the thing cheaply and quickly. His house was a convenient place for inner shots and he tends to use zooming extensively to end a scene without making another shot. It's irritating even when it's Luchino Visconti who's directing and Jon Hall is apparently no Visconti.

And there's the story, or indeed the lack of story. You also know that a movie has got a problem when Robert Silliphant is credited for "additional dialogue". Silliphant took a writing hand in both "The Creeping Terror" and "The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?". In other words, he's responsible for two of the lamest screenplays of all times! "The Beach Girls and the Monster" is his third and final screen credit. So I have to wonder how much Silliphant improved the original screenplay.

On the plus side, the girls on the beach (actually the dancing troupe from the Whisky-A-Go- Go club) have tight bikinis and giggles as if they were Shakira's mother. Or grandmother. So, every movie has a redeeming quality.