Destination: planète Hydra

A muddled, typically bad, campy Italian science fiction film which is nonetheless a must-see for seekers of the weird and delightful. This is a badly-edited, poorly-dubbed mess of a movie, with a non-existent budget and a story which lacks a decent beginning, middle or end. Yet despite all the flaws it may have (including scenes of astronauts floating in space without helmets!), it remains a largely entertaining space vehicle full of strange creatures and bizarre special effects work.

Once the action shifts from Earth to space the film becomes much more interesting as a whole and packs some seriously bizarre situations into the short running time. Okay, so there isn't too much action on view, but we do get scenes of rayguns turning people into flaming skeletons and the 'comedic' effects of anti-gravity on the unwitting human inhabitants of the spacecraft.

The presence of two Italian babes (Leonora Ruffo and Leontine May) also makes things easy on the eye, with the former flame-haired girl in a tight-fitting PVC miniskirt and the latter dressed in a fishnet costume (with appropriate frilly bits; remember the kids) for a substantial part of the running time. For the girls, there are plenty of male models to make up the masculine side of the cast, including the presence of peplum icon Kirk Morris (ATLAS AGAINST THE CZAR) in a tight-fitting full body PVC costume as an alien guard. Eagle-eyed viewers may notice harsh-faced peplum star Gordon Mitchell in a one-scene cameo as the alien 'Murdu', appearing on a monitor, no less! Incidental pleasures include a run-in with a planet full of apes (yet this is no PLANET OF THE APES) who run around waving bones like would-be Ronnie Corbetts; the hilarious heavy breathing that first alerts our scientists to the presence of "something" under the ground; the un-politically correct replacing of the robot slaves with some unwilling Chinese men; plus the hilariously mock-serious "dire warning" of the ending which warns of the consequences of nuclear war. Much like the character of Leontine May in this film, 2 + 5: MISSION HYDRA is a pretty but vacuous Italian gem.

This movie was re-released to cash in on the original Star Wars mania. Filmed on a budget of maybe, 15,000 Lira, it is a tour-de-force of nearly every 50's SF cliche' from the greying Scientist father to his luscious, oh-so innocent raven haired daughter in her fishnet bodysuit (with strategically placed bits of fluff) being menaced by Ape creatures to Bruno the Martian "floating" across an expanse of space with the aid of a trampoline (no, I'm not kidding). SEE the mysterious ancient city model filmed resting on a chair! See the twinkling stars! (and try not to notice the wires, swaying in an apparent breeze from an off camera fan). If you love bad films, by all means check it out-it's a scream. I saw this as the bottom half of a double bill with "Spawn of the Slithis" and couldn't stop laughing....

I haven't done this in a while, but for Star Pilot, I'm going to use the plot summary from IMDb: "Aliens from the constellation Hydra crash-land on the island of Sardinia. A prominent scientist, his daughter, several young technicians, and a pair of Oriental spies are taken hostage by the beings so they can use them to repair their spaceship's broken engine. With that done, they take off towards their home planet, taking the earthlings with them. However, the humans attempt to mutiny against their captors, inadvertently sending their tiny spaceship hurtling into the infinite beyond."

I used the IMDb plot summary because, even after watching Star Pilot, I'm not entirely sure what it was all about. The movie made very little sense to me. But even though I may have been confused during most of the movie, parts of it were still a lot of fun in a campy / cheesy sort of way. Instead of the usual write-up I do, here are a few random thoughts I have regarding Star Pilot:

1. While the cast wasn't much to write home about, it's always cool seeing Kirk Morris and Gordon Mitchell outside a Sword and Sandal film. I just wish Mitchell had been in the film for more than 20 seconds. Other than getting his name in the credits, I'm not really sure why the filmmakers even bothered.

2. There's a decent size chunk of the film "borrowed" from Doomsday Machine. The differences in film quality, acting, and everything else is a little jarring. It's shocking just how good the stuff from Doomsday Machine looks in comparison. The clips include a scene with Casey Kasem - minus Kasem's very recognizable voice.

3. Why bother with the Chinese secret agents? It adds absolutely nothing to the plot. It seems like such an unnecessary plot detail that amounts to nothing in the end.

4. I suppose that if I had to pick a highlight, it would be actress Leontine May's ever-shrinking wardrobe. She begins the film fairly modestly dressed, but by the end, she's wearing a full body fishnet with a few strategically placed feathers.

In some ways, the 5/10 I've given Star Pilot may not be fair. The copy I watched seemed to be horribly cut-up. IMDb lists a runtime of 89 minutes. The version I watched was only 81 minutes. I'm not sure how much difference the extra 8 minutes would make, but I'd certainly be up for giving it another go with a complete copy.

The plot itself involves the usual alien abduction, and is not very original. When compared to Francisci's other films, this one lags remarkably. However, it has a definite B-movie appeal, and is, when viewed as an interstellar espionage film, quite up to par with the later entries of Alfonso Brescia (although Brescia did more of a slap-dash space opera with little of the espionage element). Maybe, then, this film is a big brother of Primo Zeglio's "Mission Stardust." I'll tell you what it isn't, though. It certainly isn't up to par with Antonio Margheriti's sci-fi films, many of which were directed during the same period. Francisci never made such judicious use of miniature models as did Margheriti, and, on a special effects level, this one must be ranked along with Alfonso Brescia's flicks.

One of the highlights of the film, is the return of actress Leonora Ruffo after a three year hiatus. Never a prolific actress, she was at her peak in films such as Francisci's "Queen of Sheba" and Sergio Grieco's "The Black Devil." Being a consummate movie buff, I also admired her performance in Francisci's 1951 film "Le Meravigliose Avventure di Guerrin Meschino," in which Gino Leurini fights stone giants, colossal dragons, and evil witches, in an attempt to free the then 16-year-old actress Ruffo. She looked so beautiful at that time, but in this film she appears... well... matronly. Nevertheless, Pietro Francisci dresses her up in a mini skirt, with a décolleté top-piece, and lets her play the commander of the alien spaceship.

Gordon Mitchell shows up briefly as a dispatcher from the home planet, who gives his orders to Ruffo. As usual, his murderous glare and menacing attitude squeeze him into the plot as a superfluous bad guy, who has very little to do with the film. Some Asian criminals show up, speak bad English, and attempt to take over the ship, but are subdued by the professor and the others after a fist-fight inside the space-ship. Later, Ruffo falls for Nando Angelini's character, while Leontine May gets cozy with Kirk Morris. The film ends rather mysteriously, with some sort of weak message on the horrors of radioactive waste being dumped into the atmosphere, and the ensuing end of mankind.

Now, the ultimate question. Was this just a paycheck for Pietro Francisci, or did he really have serious pretenses when making this film? After viewing "2+5 Mission Hydra", the answer is fairly obvious. Francisci had already made whatever artistic statements he once had in such earlier films as "Hercules," "The Siege of Syracuse," "Attila," "Queen of Sheba," and "Guerrin Meschino." This was a downslide for him, and he didn't shoot another movie until 1973, when he directed the low-budget and somewhat asinine "Sinbad and the Caliph of Bagdad." Francisci was mainly a director of epic films. And I kept that in mind while watching this one. On the whole, this is a film that one should watch if he or she enjoys cheap thrills, or is a die-hard completist. If you're looking for lots of big-budget effects, a well-written script, and superior acting, stick to Margheriti's sci-fi films.

Unusual mid-sixties science fiction story about three crash landed aliens who "recruit" a scientist and his team to make repairs on their ship, and pilot it back to their home planet. Reasonable effort, although slightly drawn out and uninteresting, still has moments of suspense and character drama. The usual Italian glamour is provided by the sexy wanna-be actress, who goes along with the team, and wears increasingly outrageous outfits, and flirts with one of the male aliens. The lead alien, a fire haired female begins to see the error of her emotionless ways, and at one point exhibits romantic inclinations towards Kirk Morris. Acting is fine, effects average, storyline meandering but rarely fatally dull, with a few good bits, such as a rather weird attack by a group of alien gorillas. Slightly lacking in traditional Italian high octane liveliness, but compelling, and not without a few interesting twists.

Pros;

-Interesting basic storyline

-Most of the film's acting is consistently competent and believable

-Good imagery – especially the pair of skeletons at the cockpit of the other spaceship

Cons;

-Ends rather abruptly

-Some of the movie's logic is questionable

-Quite a few characters are simply left as cardboard cut outs

-The alien race appear completely human and aren't especially convincing as such

-Main room of the spaceship set gets claustrophobic after a while

-A very long sequence where the characters are in space, changing an arial, kills the pace for a bit and is un-necessarily tedious

-A child-like robot is killed early on, and after only a minute's screen time, although its' design was not especially interesting

-Plot stretches thin in some places, as it is a fairly basic idea with little deviation to carry the film along

-A terrible voice over at the start