Muscle Beach Party

A tidal wave of a surprise here: Director William Asher, on hiatus from the television show "Bewitched," delivers a tightly packed surf romp. Very interesting twist: "Little" Stevie Wonder appears and sings two songs, one with surf-guitar guru, Dick Dale--and his Dell Tones. Cowabonga. And that's not all. Frankie Avalon is the hero and he smokes. And it's pot! (Watch closely for this.) Groovy. He also sings and swings with a bevy of beauties in Morey Amsterdam's coffee house. But the biggest surprise for me was the performance by Buddy Hackett. Controlled. Sympathetic. How many times have you left the living room screaming after viewing Hackett, sometimes wearing a god awful-looking Neru jacket and maybe appearing on "Hollywood Squares" or the "Tonight Show, talking some totally incomprehensible nonsense that he thinks is funny? Plenty. But here he plays his role straight and it pays off. And in spades, too. Wannabe Bond Girl Lucianna Paluzzi, always underrated in my opinion, is superb as the spoiled "Contessa." She nails the tiresome, hoary part with an effusive zest for life. Down on the beach, the enemy is massing for battle. The muscle men have a cranky leader in Don Rickles. He is clever and devious, but the strong men fall squarely into the "knucklehead" category. Strangely, one fellow resembles Kevin James from "King of Queens" on the boob tube. Donna Loren, always a joy and no relation to Sophia, wails the title tune. She has a soulful sound and a much better "clause" in her contract than superstar Annette Funichello. How else could you explain the fact that Loren doesn't have to sport a swimsuit? Funichello has to model a sexy, white mesh-bikini. So enjoy the sun and music. And away we go all you surfers and beach bunnies. Surf's up!

Maybe it's for the obvious reason - no Eric Von Zipper and his Rats and Mice, with the strange substitution of bodybuilders as the bad guys - but I think of this one as a slight step down from the others. (At least it had Alberta Nelson, in a different part.) Until reading the listing here, I never recognized Dan Haggerty, without the long hair and beard. I did recognize the bodybuilder named Larry Scott, thanks to countless comic book ads. This movie had Luciana Paluzzi as the heiress who collects men - the only small problem for me is that, I've always typecast that actress as a "femme fatale" of the physically dangerous kind (instead of that kind), because of the Bond movie Thunderball. One strange thing is that the Delores character hurls some mild anti-Italian remarks at that character - I know I'm talking about "Delores", not "Annette", but it's still strange to hear those lines from someone named Funicello. And of course this one goes for just a little seriousness, unlike the others - "Frankie" as a kept man! Maybe the best one-time character was Buddy Hackett's. And I couldn't say enough about Don Rickles, in any role.

I wouldn't think you could go far wrong with both Don Rickles and Buddy Hackett, but I was mistaken. Rickles plays an unfunny coach who never gets any laughs while he works with a group of oily muscle men (that may be your thing; it's not mine). Hackett (whom I don't believe I've ever seen looking so trim and normal) is no more than the aide to a rich heiress (Luciana Paluzzi) who sets her sights on Frankie Avalon, much to the disapproval of his girl Annette Funicello. All the vignettes going on herein are disjointed and tiresome, and Candy Johnson (who reminds me of a young Polly Holiday from the ALICE TV series) isn't as alluring as she thinks she is when regularly shaking her booty and causing men to freeze-frame and fall off their surfboards... and not even having the indecency to wear a bikini while doing it. John Ashley is present too. Don't ask me what the point of having Morey Amsterdam in this mess was. Peter Lorre pops in for a short time in a humorous cameo, and at the end we get to enjoy the very young Little Stevie Wonder do his stuff, but it's not enough. It's not very often you can say the end credits sequence is the best thing about a film, but that was the case here. *1/2 out of ****

This has to be the weakest entry in the entire series. Even though the muscle heads make great adversaries for our favorite beach bums they aren't as interesting as Eric Von Zipper and his gang, the Rats. The main story has been done a thousand times in many other pictures. Also, the music in this film isn't as good as it was. Dick Dale's scenes are a waste and the rest of the songs are just filler. One saving grace for this film is Don Rickles.

He really is the one saving grace of this film. To me the next two films in the series, "Bikini Beach" and "Beach Blanket Bingo", were much better than this one. However, this film isn't as bad as the final Avalon/Funicello film in the series, "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini".

Despite lots of musclemen in the supporting cast, "Muscle Beach Party" could maybe use some steroids. The first follow-up to "Beach Party" is a bit lackluster and talky, and the pacing drags. Frankie (Frankie Avalon) and Dee Dee (Annette Funicello, no longer 'Dolores') feud over another woman who's out to snare the cocky surfer-boy (when Dee Dee tells Frankie how selfish he is and that all he ever does is 'take', the movie touches on some surprisingly prickly teen emotions). But the witty lines and funny repartee of "Beach Party" have mostly been replaced by wan slapstick and too many characters (and too much of Don Rickles). Candy Johnson does her version of dancing ("Man, she's really got the power!"), "Little" Stevie Wonder sings "Happy Street", and the surfing footage is fun, but Harvey Lembeck's Eric Von Zipper is AWOL (there wasn't room for him, what with Luciana Paluzzi as a millionairess, Buddy Hackett as her manager, and a dozen musclemen lining the beach). Annette is lovely singing forlornly as Frankie paddles out to sea, but she's far too patient with him (in one scene alone, he makes up with her, then drops her, then makes up again!). Not the strongest entry in the series, but with a few colorful compensations. **1/2 from ****