Hercule, Samson et Ulysse

This movie, like all its Italian muscleman predecessors, is so good-natured, sincere, and well- meaning that it's impossible not to be charmed by it. The windy, overblown score makes every little thing anyone does sound like the most majestic, wondrous thing ever experienced. Whenever Samson or Hercules throws a spear or a lasso it makes a cartoonish whistling noise to show that this was a SUPER throw, not some puny mortal toss. It makes one with he could move to Ithaca, wear one of those manly costumes (and fill it out properly), and bask in the sunshine and the smiling benevolence of Hercules and his companions. Best not to hang out with Samson though, You can tell by the look on his face in the final scene that he senses things are about to go badly wrong for him. Beware of Delilah!

Long before DC pit Batman against Superman or Marvel instigated a superhero civil war, writer/director Pietro Francisci imagined a battle between legendary strongmen Hercules (Italian bodybuilder Adriano Bellini, billed as Kirk Morris) and Samson (Iranian actor Iloosh Khoshabe). This being an Italian production, it is somewhat biased in its portrayal of Greek civilization being more -- well, civilized -- than the equally advanced but more tyrannical lands of Judea and Gaza, where Hercules, Ulysses and assorted Greek fishermen find themselves shipwrecked after taking on a sea monster. (The sea monster, by the way, isn't very impressive, but has good sound effects.) The film doesn't really have a developed political or religious agenda, however, despite the benign opening scene in which a bored King Laertes listens to a dispute over a goat between two silly peasants contrasting with the brutal reign of the Philistines, who wantonly murder and burn anyone they consider traitorous. Nor is the fascinating idea of two rival heroes who get their awesome power from entirely different belief systems ever really explored. Though Samson insists his strength comes from his god, the rival concepts of monotheism and polytheism are never mentioned or even implicitly contrasted; in this telling, Hercules had never heard of Samson before getting stranded in the Holy Land, and he never actually mentions Zeus. Everyone is refreshingly blase about religious differences -- when it comes to the Greek interlopers, the main concern of the Philistines and Danites is their odd style of dress.

Women, on the other hand, don't come off as well. Even though Hercules is apparently happily married, his and other wives depicted here are hectoring and disagreeable. The principle villain of the story is Samson's nemesis Delilah, played with lusty gusto by Liana Orfei, consort of the Philistine king who manipulates everyone and tries to seduce Hercules on her way to trying to seduce Samson. She also gets the film's one and only dance number, and makes the most of it. Orfei embraces and relishes playing the baddest girl and is responsible for at least half the fun quotient of the film -- plus, her warrior outfit at the end is not to be missed.

Aside from Orfei's Delilah, the main attraction is the epic battle between Hercules and Samson. Since they are both depicted as righteous heroes, the story has to contrive a situation that pits them against each other without making one of them the bad guy -- the plot involves mistaken identities and erroneous but reasonable assumptions and isn't very important. The fight, against a backdrop of stone ruins that allows for falling styrofoam and various chunks of super-heavy objects the musclemen can hurl at each other, is well-staged and well- executed by Morris and Khoshabe, especially with regard to making them seem evenly matched. Since Samson doesn't really get much action until the climactic battle and Hercules has only some perfunctory fights with a bull and a lion, their fight is basically the centerpiece of the film. What it lacks in spectacle, the actors make up for in enthusiasm.

The English-language version adds Ulysses to the title even though he is, here as in many other Peplum films, a boyishly mischievous sidekick for Hercules. The point here, as the original Italian title ("Ercole sfida Sansone") suggests, is to pit Hercules against Samson, and the film delivers on that promise. It's a nicely shot, very bright and scenic film that makes judicious use of its limited budget and makes for an enjoyable watch.

Two mythological heroes collide when Hercules and Samson team up, with an assist from Ulysses, to tackle the diabolical king of the Philistines and his minions. Along the way, Herc does battle with a hideous sea monster (aka: a big seal), a rather confused buffalo, and a languid lion. Meanwhile Sam dazzles the Philistine army with his astonishing spear-throwing prowess.

When these two titans finally meet, it's an all out, boulder-tossing, pillar-demolishing showdown! Then, they're off to crush the Philistines and their odious ruler in the ultimate battle royal!

If you're a fan of these muscleman epics, then you should love this. The Styrofoam boulders fly like... well, Styrofoam, and there's enough body oil used to fill an Olympic swimming pool!

Watch for the astonishing Delilah (Liana Orfei) and her magnificent dance routine!

SIDE NOTE: Check out the helmets on the Philistine soldiers. They're repurposed German helmets from some World War II movie! They take you out of the movie so completely, it's like watching something from Mel Brooks! Absolute brilliance!...

There is some real nostalgic support for this movie, but I think it's misplaced. On the positive side, from time to time you come across some very nice looking sets. The palace exterior and interiors are truly impressive. It's too bad they weren't used in a movie that makes any sense. It's pretty clear that even in the original language, the actors chewed the scenery without mercy.

But I didn't see it in the original language. The dubs are hideously bad. It doesn't help that the dialogue is as wretched as it gets. Real Junior High School level writing, if that good.

Okay, so we have bad acting, bad dubbing, bad dialogue, what else? The story itself is just stupid, despite Samson's mad spear-throwing skills, where the same two soldiers on horses fall down with every double spear throw. LOL.

In Ithaca, Hercules (Kirk Morris) lives leisurely at the court of King Laertes, father of Ulysses. Fishermen come to court begging for help to fight a sea monster. Hercules sets off on a ship and Ulysses eagerly joins the expedition. Their ship sinks and the survivors land in Judea. They get mixed up in a fight between ruthless ruler Saran of Gaza and Jewish rebels championed by Samson. Delilah is the manipulative Philistine Queen.

It's an Italian sword and sandal epic. It's also a mash-up of Greek and Jewish stories. It reminds me of Batman v Superman. It is very much a movie of its B-genre. It's actually enjoyable as an action B-movie. I am certain about one thing. Samson needs longer hair. A stumpy ponytail is not enough.