Uchû Kaisokusen

Remember "Prince of Space"? MST3K # 816? Okay. This is basically a remake of that. Instead of Prince of Space, though, we get Space Chief, another effeminent, hopping hero. Instead of the chicken-men of Krankor, we get mute, bullet-headed robots who have trouble walking and fall down at the tiniest hint of danger. And instead of two annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids we get SIX annoying, gravely voiced, tiny-shorts-wearing kids. Slow the whole thing down, add lots of scenes of Japanese people talking in poorly lit rooms, and actual war footage instead of special effects, and you've got one of the worse movies ever made. I know that phrase is over-used and has little or no impact anymore, but this movie really is almost unbearable. It's amazing! It's joyless, depressing, AND technically inept!

Enjoy the Hitler building.

Wow! This movie (I use the term loosely) really, really sucked. Thankfully I saw it with Mike and the 'bots...and they could barely make it through this abortion. I could barely make it through. Waaaaaay too much stock footage, waaaaay to many annoying kids. What made "Prince of Space" at least mildly amusing was the phantom of Krankor. At least he had a personality. The neptune suppositories down even talk.

The best way to see this movie is on Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you have ever watched MST 3000, you know that the MST crew take some of the worst movies ever made and make them fun. Along with the movie you get a running commentary of smart remarks, and references, that you would make if you had to see the movie and you couldn't get your money back! If you have not seen MST 3000, I think it is still on the Sci Fi channel. If not watch Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie. If bad movies are one of your guilty pleasures you will enjoy the movie MST style.

Gather round the campfire, children, and listen to the story of the great Space Chief!! Who sucked. He rode around in a bumpy car that, when lit on fire, sent him into space. But enough about me, let's talk about the children!! They were the real heroes here and the next time some crazy dj-aliens with records stuck to their heads come through the electro-barrier, I'm hoping those kids'll be around to get into level 5 security areas and figure that baby out all on their own. Cause goshdarnit, they've done it before.

I can't talk long, I've picked up a case of Roji Pantie Complex after watching this horrible abortion of a film and I'm very weak. Mike is administering panties to me, but my body can only absorb so many at a time.

In this alleged movie, a group of boring alien invaders decide to cause random acts of violence on Earth in an attempt to take over the planet, but their schemes are constantly thwarted by Space Chief, strange visitor from another galaxy whose flying car shoots laser beams. A group of small Japanese children are also on hand at every major incident, and who seemingly are the nation's greatest natural resource as they have the power to discover valuable information and run really fast all over the place without ever getting tired.

Yes sir, the scientists and military are helpless against an alien race that flies around in giant Pringles can with wings, but the day it ultimately saved thanks to a dork in a flying car and six of the most annoying children you'll ever meet. God bless Japan for making this movie.

Once again, a horrible film is almost saved from being completely unwatchable thanks to the wonderful running commentary of Mike and the 'bots from "Mystery Science Theater 3000." But I do stress almost -- there are times when ever the mighty ones on the Satellite of Love can't withstand the boredom and non-action of "Uchu Kaisoku-sen" (aka "Invasion of the Neptune Men"), and you do have to despise a film that has the nerve to introduce an intergalactic "hero" like Space Chief but then have him suspiciously absent through most of the film.

The stock footage explosions are the most insulting, of course. Someone should feel very ashamed for including the "Hitler Building" in the explosion stock footage. Very dishonorable, Mr. Editor. Hang your head in shame.

2 out 10 stars. Japan should be tried for war crimes for producing this motion picture. P.S. Come back, "Prince of Space!" All is forgiven!