Orgie macabre

Add this film to the "Looks Better On DVD Than It Has Any Right To" list. The recent DVD release reveals far better original material than the old VHS showed. We get to see every droplet in the swirling fog, every quiver of the dancers' flesh. We get to see just how dead Criswell's pan is. Every flaw is brilliantly illuminated. How can this old low-budget stuff end up looking better than many a modern film?

Sure, this movie is slow, tedious, repetitious and ultimately pointless. But it grows on you. Like fungus. It has an odd sincerity, in its utter badness. Somehow, nobody seems to really understand that they are making a bad movie -- the secret of the charm of the Ed Wood universe.

I have not only the new DVD, but also the full (including dialogue) soundtrack CD which I have listened to many times. I admit to a strange, childish pleasure to be typing away at work while listening to dialogue like, "A pussy cat was born to be whupped!"

Would-be indie filmmakers should take inspiration from this film, as it is proof that no matter how bad the dreck put to film may be, it can see distribution and perhaps even a profit. And, filmmaking lets you hang out with naked babes.

I'm working on the sequel now. Watch for it.

Ed Wood's classic bad movies like 'Glen Or Glenda', 'Plan Nine From Outer Space' and 'Bride Of The Monster' are great fun, and still entertain after multiple viewings. 'Orgy Of The Dead', which he wrote but didn't direct, isn't in their league. It's simply a tedious bore.

A courting couple crash their car near a cemetery where the Devil (Wood regular Criswell) and his Goth girl side-kick are holding a topless dancing competition. The dancers are all dead. The guy and gal are caught by The Mummy and The Wolfman and are tied up and forced to watch the endless procession of talentless titty-dancers. They aren't too happy about this, and after 90 minutes of this crap you'll know EXACTLY how they feel!

It goes without saying that this is a strong contender for the worst movie ever made. Watch it and be amazed. And very, very bored!

Now here are a few tips if you happen to stumble upon this "movie" and decide to watch it:

-Ignore the script (there isn't one anyway)

-Ignore the acting (the actors say things like "I'm afraid! We are going to die!" with all the emotion that goes into discussions about the weather).

-Ignore the bad makeup, the inept camerawork, the overabundance of "fog", all the technical mistakes.

-Concentrate on the occasionally amusing dialogue, AND on the naked female bodies. Two or three of them are sensational. That's the only way you can get something out of this one.

-And remember that there ARE worse movies out there. Have you seen "Blood Orgy Of The She Devils"? (*1/2)

There's no discernible plot! There are some serious continuity problems! There are naked women dancing awkwardly to mistimed music! The Great Criswell is obviously reading his lines off of cue cards placed on his knees! You can see the Werewolf's hairless chest below his Halloween mask when he lets loose with something intended to be a howl! For crying out loud, it's a movie called "Orgy of the Dead" written by Ed Wood!! You were expecting "Casablanca"? If you view this movie with the proper attitude, a few sporting and mean-spirited friends, and the appropriate libation, I guarantee you that it will be a more gratifying 92 minutes than you would have at most movies playing on the big screen this year!

Terrible movie that was "written" (you mean there was actually a script to this??) by Edward D. Wood Jr. though he didn't direct it. You could have fooled me, as the incompetence of Stephen C. Apostolof is just as bad - or maybe worse! There's nothing that happens in this film after a man and woman driving in a car have an opening scene crash. They subsequently become captives of an "emperor" (the nutty Criswell, wearing the actual Dracula cape that Bela Lugosi donned for ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN) and his female vamp assistant (who looks a lot like TV hostess Elvira). They tie their two victims to stakes and they're forced (as we are) to watch a bevy of topless women individually introduced to do all sorts of long and ultimately boring solo dances. Some of them are less sleep-inducing than others (the cat woman was okay), but they all drone on too much amidst an atmosphere of gloomy fog which often obstructs our view of the best parts anyway. What's unintentionally funny are the occasional inserts of Criswell watching from the sidelines and making lame expressions when he's not obviously reading from cue cards. He's also got at least one funny politically incorrect line which he says to his male captor: "Nobody wants to see a man's ass!" (Heh Heh Heh). Things get even more ridiculous when The Wolf Man and The Mummy (two guys in cheap Halloween costumes) drop by to watch the festivities. * out of ****