- Horace Smith: Hannibal, sometimes I think you're in your second childhood!
- Uncle Hannibal Smith: Well, come on in; the water's fine!
- Stretch Willoughby: I'd advise you to get off your high horse and stop talkin' down to people, and the same goes for your smart-aleck friends here!
- Oliver Wendell Henderson: I beg your pardon!
- Stretch Willoughby: You know you don't give a hang what I think!
- Oliver Wendell Henderson: Now just a minute!
- Stretch Willoughby: I'm glad you asked me though because I'd like to tell you. In the first place I don't see where you get off pickin' anybody for President when you haven't the decency to treat a person like a human bein'instead of askin' people to sit down at your table so that you can laugh at them. Maybe you oughtta go out and find out what they think and feel and what their needs are and what you can do to help them. That's all that's goin' to count in the long run. If, if Judge Smith there wants to be President, he ain't gonna get very far lookin' down his nose at people, and, and thinkin' he's better than they are. Abraham Lincoln didn't have to do that, and he turned out to be a pretty good President.
- Sugar: [pointing to a orange juicer machine] What's this thing fer?
- Katie Callahan: That makes orange juice.
- Sugar: [flips the switch, machine spins and whirs loudly]
- Sugar: Sugar
- [falling back, startled]
- Sugar: Scares it right out of 'em, don't it?
- Mary Smith: [offering a drink] Have some.
- Stretch Willoughby: What's that? Champagne?
- Mary Smith: Uhuh.
- Stretch Willoughby: I had some once. Ain't bad.
- Mary Smith: Uncle Hannibal, what do I tell him?
- Uncle Hannibal Smith: Nothing! Your poor father's accustomed to being in the dark.