- Prof. Quackenbush: How would you boys like to make $1,000?
- Moe: Who do you have to murder?
- Prof. Quackenbush: Oh, nothing like that. All you have to do is let me make gentlemen of you.
- [the Stooges all flinch in horror]
- Larry: No, no! Not that!
- Curly: Our father would never forgive us.
- Larry: There ain't been a gentleman in our family for fifty generations.
- Moe: Quit bragging.
- Prof. Sedletz: You with the mattress head, now, if I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar, how many dollars would you have?
- Larry: One dollar.
- Prof. Sedletz: You don't know your arithmetic.
- Larry: You don't know my father!
- Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: [Moe hides a pie he was holding by sticking it to the ceiling] My dear man. Do tell me about yourself.
- Moe: Well you see... well that is...
- [looks up to see the pie unsticking]
- Moe: would you pardon me.
- Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: If you don't tell me about this metamorphosis. I will always feel that I've missed something.
- Moe: Lady, if you don't go right now, you're not going to miss anything.
- [starts to walk away, Mrs. Smythe-Smythe stops him]
- Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: What's wrong? You act as though the Sword of Demacles is hanging over your head.
- Moe: Lady, you must be psychic.
- [walks away]
- Mrs. Smythe-Smythe: I wonder what's wrong with that man?
- [looks up and the pie unsticks and falls on her face]
- Curly: [to Professor Quackenbush as they rehearse eating an invisible dinner] "Pardon me, what are we eating now?"