- Chuck Reardon: Everybody knows him. He's a philathropist.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: I don't care who he votes for. I want my money.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: [as they are about to leave with the villan] We're going with them...
- Chuck Reardon: We're going with them...
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier, Chuck Reardon: We're going with them.
- [an understanding look]
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier, Chuck Reardon: [starting the routine] Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker's man. Bake a cake as fast as you...
- [both are hit on the head by a goon. The two fall]
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: He must've seen the picture!
- [Donna watches, naked, in the lagoon, hidden by the plants, after Fearless and Chuck surmise she's been eaten by leopards]
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Maybe you oughta say a few words, huh?
- Chuck Reardon: Yeah.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: A poem would be nice.
- Chuck Reardon: You know any poems?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Me?
- [Fearless' recitation 'The Shooting of Dan McGrew' 1913 by Robert W Service]
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: "A bunch of the boys were whooping it up at the malamute saloon, and the kid that was playing... "
- Chuck Reardon: No.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Don't fit?
- Chuck Reardon: [Chuck's recitation 'The Face On The Barroom Floor' 1872 by John Henry Titus] "'Twas a balmy summer's evening, and a goodly crowd was there... "
- Chuck Reardon: [Fearless taps Chuck on the shoulder and shakes his head] No?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: There must be other poems.
- Chuck Reardon: [singing] Are you wearing old dreams, Breaking out at the seams, They should be new...
- Chuck Reardon: We have to be careful how we aim this instrument, folks. Last week, we were just two feet off line and we sunk the S.S. Idaho.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: We went right through "Ida" and there wasn't much left of "ho. "
- Chuck Reardon: Oh, yo ho.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Wrestle an octopus?
- Chuck Reardon: Yes!
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Me? Those things are murderous. That ain't spaghetti he's waving, you know. Besides, they're poison. They spit ink.
- Chuck Reardon: That's all the better. You can wrestle it and write home at the same time.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Look, we've been kicking around the world for five years now. Always two jumps ahead of trouble and I'm homesick. I wanna get back to Birch Falls and my relief checks. So, if you don't mind...
- Chuck Reardon: Yeah, you'll wind up back there in Barney Dean's Beanery blowing up bloodwurst.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Five grand? Half that dough is mine! It took years! I killed myself to get it - four times!
- Chuck Reardon: Now, look. Look here, Junior. We've been through a lot together since we were kids. We've been through thick and thin. I never figured it was your dough or my dough. I thought everything belonged to both of us. It was share and share alike.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Well, what about that blonde in Brooklyn?
- Chuck Reardon: Oh, you didn't want a share of her. You wanted to be the whole corporation.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Yeah, you wound up as the holding company.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Why did you have to hop us on a boat going the wrong way?
- Chuck Reardon: Listen. With those two guys after us, I'd have hopped on a mud turtle if it'd been moving.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: You're not gonna go for that crying dame routine. They want to wipe their eyes on your bankroll. Let's get out of here.
- Donna Latour: Prepare yourself for a shock. How's your heart?
- Julia Quimby: It'll feel better when I wrap some of this goose liver around it.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: What are we doing going off into a jungle with a couple of dames? As soon as it gets dark, they'll start hanging unto our necks and screaming - or vice versa.
- Chuck Reardon: Did I sell Lebec the mine or did you?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: You bought it, didn't you? Or I wouldn't have had it, would I? If I didn't have it, I couldn't have sold it, could I? And if I didn't sell it, we wouldn't be here, would we? I don't get it.
- Julia Quimby: What's the idea? What are you turning the heat on him for?
- Donna Latour: Just practicing.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: You kill me. She gives you a big hunk of that baby stare and right away you're reaching into your pocket for my dough.
- Chuck Reardon: What else were we going to do? The poor kid was crying so hard she could hardly talk. An American girl too! Where's your red, white and blue blood?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Yeah, well I ain't waving it every time I see a big pair of brown eyes.
- Donna Latour: [singing] You kiss me with your eyes, Oh, you're dangerous, My heart gets so excited, It's thrilled for a change...
- Chuck Reardon: [singing] The wind softly whispers, That it isn't far, Where enchanted orchids are, This is the jungle, And the Road to Zanzibar...
- Donna Latour: How did you know?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Oh, I know what girls are thinking better than they do themselves.
- Chuck Reardon: [singing] Whenever it's early twilight, I watch 'til a star breaks through, It's funny, it's not a star I see, It's always you... Come in, Fearless... Wherever you
- Chuck Reardon, Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Are you're near me, You dare me to be untrue
- Chuck Reardon: It's funny
- Chuck Reardon, Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Each time I fall in love, It's always you
- Donna Latour: If a breeze caresses me, It's really you...
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Leave it all to me. I'll handle the whole thing.
- Donna Latour: Oh, Fearless, you're a darling.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Yeah, I know.
- Julia Quimby: You're gettin' Donna all mixed up. Now, there's no use dusting off the orange blossoms, because it won't do you any good.
- Donna Latour: [kiss] Thank you, Fearless. Are you coming?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Not until my toes uncurl.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Where do you think those dames are from?
- Chuck Reardon: Where?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Brooklyn!
- Chuck Reardon: No!
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: And they did it to us!
- Chuck Reardon: Oy vey!
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Well, what're we gonna do about it?
- Chuck Reardon: We'll have her dodgin' all the way back to Brooklyn!
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: How do you like that? Wouldn't you think she'd come crawling on her hands and knees, begging us to forgive her?
- Chuck Reardon: Instead of that, she runs out on us. All we did was tell her to. Isn't that a woman for you every time?
- Chuck Reardon: Now, listen. Don't nix this thing until you've heard it. It might be the biggest idea I've ever had. You come out beautifully gowned, drenched in sequins and spangles. You flex your muscles a couple of times and there you are: Mademoiselle Frazier, the bearded lady.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Bearded lady?
- Chuck Reardon: Yeah!
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Are you kidding?
- Chuck Reardon: No.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: You think I want those sailors chasing me? No, sir!
- Chuck Reardon: Fearless, not now. We have to rise above these petty things.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Yeah. When I think what she did to us, it's so hard to rise.
- Chuck Reardon: Boy, you're a riot. Fearless Frazier, the great profile, huh?
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: Not bad from the side, either.
- Chuck Reardon: Say, you know, it's not bad stuff. Piper-Heidsieck '28.
- Hubert 'Fearless' Frazier: [pointing to female performer on stage] Yeah, but pipe her heidsieck.
- French Soubrette: [singing] Si vous voulez voir, la ville avec moi, Un taxi nous attendra...