- Hildegard Withers: Good morning, Miss.
- [no reaction]
- Hildegard Withers: Good morning Miss! When you've got your disguise on, I'd like to ask you a few questions. That is, if you can talk through all that make-up.
- Hildegard Withers: Do you remember handling a call yesterday afternoon to Mr. Parker, about four, just before he went out to, to be killed?
- Parker's Secretary: Say, what are you - a policewoman?
- Hildegard Withers: Insofar as it concerns you, I am. I'm connected with the Detective Bureau - not very pleasantly, but still connected.
- Parker's Secretary: What are you trying to do, put the B on me?
- Hildegard Withers: I'm trying to put nothing on you. You have enough on already. Now, if you will answer my questions, you can go right back to your artwork!
- Parker's Secretary: Sure I remember a call. It was a man. He said Mrs. Parker was in trouble so I put him right through.
- Hildegard Withers: Are you sure it was a man's voice?
- Parker's Secretary: Well, it ain't likely a woman would be calling me "Baby", is it?
- Hildegard Withers: [thoughtfully] No, not so far downtown as this.
- Hildegard Withers: [to telephone operator who is putting on thick make-up] Now that you've got your disguise on, I would like to ask you a few questions. That is if you talk through all that make-up.
- Hildegard Withers: Are you sure it was a man's voice?
- Telephone Operator: Well it ain't likely a woman'd be calling me baby, is it?
- Hildegard Withers: No, not so far downtown as this. Now, baby, I mean, eh, get the Chief Operator to trace that call. Tell her to report to Inspector Piper at Police Headquarters.
- [Pointing to the Telephone Operator's lipstick]
- Hildegard Withers: Oh, next time use a lighter shade. That's a little vulgar. Au revoir.
- Telephone Operator: Okay, Lydia Pinkham.
- Oscar Piper: Miss Withers, you took the very words right out of my mouth.
- Hildegard Withers: Don't worry, you'll have plenty left.
- Oscar Piper: And if I haven't, you've got a couple!
- [last lines]
- Oscar Piper: Phooey! What's good looks got to do with romance?
- Hildegard Withers: Young man, have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?
- Oscar Piper: Sure; have you?
- Hildegard Withers: I was in hopes you wouldn't bring that up.
- Oscar Piper: All right, so what? I'm convinced that you and me should incorporate.
- Hildegard Withers: Are you proposing that we start a detective bureau?
- Oscar Piper: No, I'm just proposing. What are you doing?
- Hildegard Withers: Well, uh, well, I'm just accepting.
- Oscar Piper: OK. The license bureau closes in fifteen minutes. Come on.
- Oscar Piper: [Hovering over Parker's dead body] It looks to me like a clear case of homicide.
- Hildegard Withers: Heh! I realized that a half hour ago. That's why I had one of my students call the police, hmmm?
- Oscar Piper: [Sarcastically] I'm surprised you thought the police necessary.
- Hildegard Withers: I was with my class of pupils.
- Oscar Piper: Where are those pupils. Whatta yuh mean by letting them go home?
- Hildegard Withers: Letting them? Huh, I see you have no children of your own, Inspector. The moment you order everyone to stay, they, uh-uh,
- [She clears her throat]
- Hildegard Withers: ... I believe the word is "scram."
- Oscar Piper: [In the aquarium] What are you doin' hangin' around this fish house?
- Barry Costello: Well, it's Friday, isn't it?
- Oscar Piper: It isn't Friday for wisecracks!
- Barry Costello: [Walking back to his table in the courtroom] Your honor, I've finished with the witness.
- Hildegard Withers: You may be finished with the witness, Mr. Costello, but the witness is not finished with you!
- Hildegard Withers: My hat pin! It's gone! It's gone! Well, children, why don't you do something! Don't stand there like a lot of grown-ups! Teacher's lost her hat pin!
- Hildegard Withers: Well, really, Inspector. What do you suppose I was doing here with my class of pupils? Entertaining the fish? I'm a school teacher. And I might have done wonders with you if I'd caught you young enough.
- Hildegard Withers: Oh, you penguin fanciers, you're such flatterers.
- Barry Costello: That's the secret of our success with penguins.
- Hildegard Withers: Well, some good woman is losing a very pleasant husband by it.
- Telephone Operator: Say, what are you? A policewoman?
- Hildegard Withers: As far as it concerns you, I'm connected to the detective bureau... not very pleasantly... but connected still.
- Oscar Piper: [after discovering Donovan unconcious in the men's bathroom] Well?
- Donovan: Uh, I was just sitting there and something hit me on the head.
- Oscar Piper: [Sarcastically] It's a good thing it was your head!
- Oscar Piper: You do alright by yourself in the way of vittels, don't you?
- Hildegard Withers: I suppose you thought school teachers lived on chalk and old blotting paper.
- Oscar Piper: Well to be frank, I never gave it much thought what school teachers did.
- Hildegard Withers: All you're after is a conviction, anybody's conviction. I never saw such a man!
- Oscar Piper: How many men have you seen?
- Hildegard Withers: Plenty of them.
- Hildegard Withers: I'm not the emotional type, Mr. Piper, but even you must get a little thrill, out of the thought, that we, you and I, helped those young people to this happiness.
- Oscar Piper: [Looking out a window at Philip Seymour slap Gwen Parker in the face] That a boy! That baby's had that coming to her for a long time.
- Hildegard Withers: I'd never trust a man who was a penguin fancier.
- Oscar Piper: Well, I wouldn't want to live with one if he kept bringing them home with him.
- Hildegard Withers: Did you notice Gwen Parker's, eh, legs, Inspector?
- Oscar Piper: Who didn't it!
- Hildegard Withers: I mean her stockings. They both have stains on them.
- Oscar Piper: Stains? Good, I'll look into that.
- Hildegard Withers: Oh, if you want us to hit on anything more, just let me know.
- Oscar Piper: Oh, come on back, Miss Withers. I think maybe we can get together on something at that.
- Barry Costello: Mr. Hemingway, these are the stockings worn by Mrs. Gwen Parker on the day that her husband was murdered. Perhaps you remember them.
- Bertrand B. Hemingway: I remember admiring the appearance of Mrs. Parker's, eh, limb.
- Barry Costello: The Prosecution claims that the fish stains on these stockings prove that Mrs. Parker must have gone behind the tanks in the aquarium.