Citations

Qui dit mieux?

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Oliver, did I or did I not give you the money to pay on the furniture?
Ollie: You certainly did.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Then why wasn't it paid?
Ollie: [points to Stan] Why I gave it to him to pay it for me.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: [to Stan] Then what did YOU do with it?
Stanley: [points to Ollie] I gave it back to him.
Ollie: You gave it to ME?
Stanley: Yeah, I gave it to you to pay my room and board, and you gave it to her.
[points to Mrs. Hardy]
Stanley: "Recomember"?
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Do you mean to say that the money that he
[points to Ollie]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: gave to you
[points to Stan]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: that you gave to him
[points to Ollie]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: that he gave to me was the same money that I gave to him
[points to Ollie]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: to pay HIM?
[points to Finlayson]
Stanley: Well if that was the money that you gave to him
[points to Ollie]
Stanley: to give to me
[points to self]
Stanley: to pay to him
[points to Finlayson]
Stanley: It must have been the money I gave him
[points to Ollie]
Stanley: to give to you to pay my rent, didn't I?
[Ollie nods wildly]

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Mr. Finlayson, I owe you an apology.
Auction Manager: And thirty-seven dollars.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Then this money must belong to you.
[pays him]
Auction Manager: The next time, I want my payment without any detour. Ha. He gave it to you and you gave it to him and who gave it to what. You're all NUTS!

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: [to Ollie] You big dumbbell. I can't trust you to do a thing.
[to Stan]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: And as for you, I have a good mind to throw you out!
Stanley: You can't do it.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: I can't do it?
Stanley: No, because I paid my room and board in advance, and I gave it to him.
[points to Ollie]
Ollie: What do you mean you gave it to me? That was the money that *she* gave to *me* and *I* gave it to *you* to give to *him* then *you* gave it back to *me* and I had to give it to *her* to give to *him*!
Stanley: Was that the money that she gave to him that I gave to you to give to...?
Ollie: Why certainly!
Stanley: Well, if she wants to give to him, that's her business. No use you and I arguing about it.

Nurse Goodall: Oh Doctor, that Laurel and Hardy case.
Dr. F.D. Allen: What's the matter?
Nurse Goodall: Well, Mr. Laurel has passed out, sir. I'm afraid we've taken too much of his blood.
Dr. F.D. Allen: Well, reverse the operation: take some blood from Mr. Hardy and give it to Mr. Laurel.
Nurse Goodall: But that will get them all mixed up, sir.
Dr. F.D. Allen: What difference does it make? Do as I tell you!

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Incidentally, when are you going to pay me for your board and room?
Stanley: [points to Ollie] I gave it to him.
[Ollie spits out his drink]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: What'd you give it to him for?
Stanley: Well he said he was boss, and I didn't...
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Oh, he did, huh?
[sticks out her hand at Ollie and motions with her fingers to pay up; Ollie takes out the money and puts it in her hand]
Ollie: Don't get sore, honey. I was only kidding.
[kicks Stan from under the table]

Auctioneer: Oh, boss!
Auction Manager: [coming in from the other room] Yes? What is it?
Auctioneer: This fella bought a clock and won't pay for it.
Auction Manager: Oh, is that so? Well, we have a way of...
[does a double-take when he recognizes Stan and Ollie]
Auction Manager: Oh! I'll handle this; I've had trouble with these birds before. Now you pay this money what you bid or I'll call the cops!
[Ollie reluctantly pays the auctioneer $290]
Auction Manager: You take that clock and get out of here! "You gave it to him and he gave it to me and..." GET OUT! D'oh! "He gave it to him and..." Get out of here, get out!

Stanley: Why don't you draw the money out of the bank, pay off the furniture, and hold it out right? You wouldn't have any interest to pay and you wouldn't have any hounds in your fireplace.

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Where do you think you're going?
Ollie: Well, we're going to the ballgame.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: You're going to the ballgame?
Ollie: Well, certainly. We businessmen have to relax sometime. Don't we, Stanley?
Stanley: We certainly do.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Well, if you want to relax, you can stay home and wash these dishes.

Ollie: Stanley's got a great idea.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: What now?
Ollie: Well, he said that we should draw our money out of the bank and pay the furniture off.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: We'll do nothing of the kind. That money stays right where it is.
[to Stan]
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Listen, tumbleweed, from now on you mind your own business.

Stanley: [after the blood transfusion with Ollie] Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into.

Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Have you seen my husband?
Auction Manager: He was here awhile ago.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Oh, thank goodness for that. Did he pay you for the furniture?
Auction Manager: He did not.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Then what was he doing here?
Auction Manager: He bought himself a grandfather clock.
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: A clock? What for?
Auction Manager: For $290, that's what for.

Ollie: My dear, Madam, being a true Southerner, chivalry is my middle name, to say nothing of the hospitality.

Stanley: Are you going to let her talk to you like that?
Ollie: I certainly am not.
Stanley: I don't blame you. Why she talks to you like water off a duck's back. If she was my wife, I'd throw her out in the back and I'd go and buy some furniture.
Ollie: Stanley, you're absolutely right. I'll learn her!

Stanley: What are you going to tell her about the clock?
Ollie: I'm gonna tell her nothin'. I'll keep everything in the dark. And if you'll keep your mouth shut, nobody will be any the wiser.
[Mrs. Hardy enters]
Ollie: Hello, honey! Well, what's the matter?
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: Where's that clock?
Ollie: What clock?
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: The clock you paid $290 for.
Ollie: Why that's ridiculous. Where would I get $290?
Mrs. Daphne Hardy: [to Stan] Where's that clock!
Stanley: I don't know. He said he was going to keep it in the dark - and if I didn't keep my mouth shut, then, nobody'd be any the wiser.

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