Jiu Jitsu

This is the worst film I've ever seen in my life. The special affects were abysmal, the acting was awful, I don't even think they did any Jiu Jitsu either.

With all the high caliber flicks Cage has been flooding the market with lately I was chomping at the bit for this one... and boy did it not disappoint. It was so bad even Zeus's butthole was shocked into submission. You deserve to get arm barred for this turd Nicolas... wow. Matter of fact you would get more enjoyment out of watching a stray dog drop a deuce than sit through this again...

A comet falls from space. In Burma, Jake Barnes is running from flying weapons from an unseen enemy. He falls off a cliff into the ocean. He is rescued by fishermen and brought to the western military but there is bad translation. He's suffering from amnesia. He is a part of a group of Jiu Jitsu fighters battling an alien creature for 2000 years with the fate of the world in the balance.

This is a sci-fi B-movie. The story feels like a high school writing assignment. There are a few real actors here. They are of varying qualities. They have Nicolas Cage. It's obvious that most of the expertise lies in the fight choreography. It's Tony Jaa and Frank Grillo and all the stuntmen they can fit. Oh year, they have a Predator slash Halloween costume bad guy and it's an alien. This is bad with good fights that get repetitive. It's bad but not so bad that it's good.

This movie is laughably bad in every way possible... end of review?

Eh. I'll say some more. I could tell it was poor filmmaking almost immediately. Bad everything (acting, dialogue, music, and cartoon cgi). The movie makes zero sense. There are a thousand dumb moments or things to make fun of.

But i figured, if it has good fighting, i could enjoy it. And i saw tony jaa in the opening credits so i thought we might get that.

What do i even say. The fight scenes were TERRIBLE. And it's very odd that it's not because of the usually suspects: quick cuts, shaky cam and close up shots. In most of the fights, none of that was present. And in many, there were extremely long takes with wide shots.

So why were they so bad? I'm not really sure. One of the best compliments i can say about fight scenes is that i could feel every hit, like with john wick and the accountant. This movie was the exact opposite, i couldn't feel the hits at all. And i don't know why.

Maybe it has to do with sound mixing. There was almost no noise with the hits, and sometimes the noise seemed off by a half second. Could also be that they didn't focus on the moment of the hit. I can't figure it out.

But what i do know is, the fight scenes gave me zero pleasure. Combine that with every other movie attribute being terrible and this is just a straight-garbage movie. Damn you nick cage!

... i wonder what movie of his i'll watch next (1 viewing, 5/7/2021)

This movie is so bad. It's no even one of those movies that is so bad it's funny...its just rubbish. I watched it to the end to see if it would get better, but it doesn't.