13 Fanboy

What a promising premise! Dee Wallace gave a great performance (and looked fabulous) but was let down by the script in the final act. Horrific acting by Hayley Greenbauer, Corey Feldman, and Ron Sloan further work against the film. If only this could be remade with a better script, some key recasting, and a consistent tongue-in-cheek tone, this would be a masterpiece.

It takes something truly special to get more than a paragraph out of me nowadays, but 13 FANBOY (2021) deserves it. I'll leave it up to you to decide which definition of "special" I am talking about. The film is a long-time passion project by the aptly-named Deborah Voorhees, probably best known as the hedge shears-into-the-eyes victim from FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V (1985). She parlayed that association into co-writing and directing this meta project over the last few years.

The film opens thirteen years ago with Voorhees appearing as "herself" as she is stalked and killed in front of her daughter. Fast forward to the present and said daughter Kelsie Voorhees (Hayley Greenbauer) is a MMA fighter and star of a cheapo slasher series called BLOODLUST. She is good friends with her mom's pal Dee Wallace (Dee Wallace) and is doing a convention with a buncha FRIDAY alumni. Trouble arises quickly when they notice Lar Park-Lincoln (Tina in FRIDAY 7) has not shown up to the show. A horror celeb missing an autograph signing? Send up the flares! Release the hounds! It is soon clumsily revealed (at the hotel bar!) that a video of Lar being kidnapped and murdered surfaced "on the dark net" (apparently horror vloggers break news like CNN nowadays). Soon Dee and Kelsie are both being stalked by the same killer.

So, yeah, this thing is packed with tons of former Jason fodder and even some Jasons. In addition to the aforementioned Deborah Voorhees and Lar Park-Lincoln, we have Judie Aronson (raft girl in FRIDAY 4), Tracie Savage (hammock girl from FRIDAY 3), Jennifer Banko (young Tina from FRIDAY 7), Vincente DiSanti (Jason from the NEVER HIKE ALONE fan films), C. J. Graham (Jason from FRIDAY 6), and Kane Hodder (Jason from FRIDAY 7-10). And look for a "blink and you'll miss them" appearance by Carol Locatell and Ron Sloan (the redneck mom and son from FRIDAY 5). Oddly, the only person NOT playing themselves is Corey Feldman (Tommy from FRIDAY 4), who is cast as a Weinstein-esque producer and gives a meshuggeneh performance on a planet away from everyone else. Even odder, we have the focus on Dee Wallace. Doing her patented weeping mom routine, Wallace never had the good fortune of being in a FRIDAY film. However, the stalker makes sure to mention her turn in Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN (2007). Wait a sec...they are an obsessed F13 stalker fan and dig Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN? They are legit certifiable!

There is a germ of such a great idea in 13 FANBOY. Anyone who has ever been to a horror convention in the flesh can attest to the wide swath of oddball folks who show up there and Adrienne King, the first FRIDAY's leading lady, has told of a terrifying real life stalking encounter. The fan-gone-crazy has hit before with the likes of FADE TO BLACK (1980), THE KING OF COMEDY (1982), WES CRAVEN'S NEW NIGHTMARE (1994) and even Charles Band's shockingly similar TROPHY HEADS (2014), but something centered on the horror convention circuit could have been truly special. Unfortunately, this scenario gets bogged down by some truly side splitting moments. I will give you just a couple of my favorites. Early in the film Banko finds out the stalker is literally outside her window as they send her a pic of her inside her house. So, naturally, she calls the police, right? Nope! She calls...wait for it...Kane Hodder! To the film's benefit, he says, "Have you called the cops?" To the film's detriment, she says, "They won't believe me." To the film's total peril (and my unending amusement), Hodder decides the best plan of action is to go to her house alone and beat up the stalker. This results in a Hodder death speech where he is just acting his little heart out, thinking he is going to get an Oscar (he'd settle for a Fango Chainsaw Award).

Hands down though my favorite stuff in this film are the interactions between Dee Wallace and her onscreen husband. I know I use this line a lot, but do the filmmakers know how humans interact? Have they seen people before? One bit has Wallace and her husband babysitting their grandkids when the killer shows up. Wallace sees the stalker outside their house and her husband won't believe her. Later the power gets cut, he looks at her and says, "You're on your own." WHAT!? Even funnier is she walks around the house with a gun and opens the door only to find her son and daughter-in-law there. In one hilarious bit of staging, they scoop up the kids in two seconds and leave while her husband bellows, "Jesus Christ! Now we've lost our grandkids!" Nothing (NOTHING!) however could prepare me for the sequence toward the end where Wallace is arrested for the murder thirteen years ago (thanks to a wonky videotape), hated by Kelsie, redeemed by Kelsie (who shows the cops the video has been doctored), and bailed out by Kelsie all in the span of three minutes. Even better, I got the best dialogue exchange I've heard all year outside of the police station.

Kelsie: "I'm sorry I doubted you." Dee: "That's okay. I was beginning to suspect me too."

WHAT!?! You didn't have enough faith in yourself that you started to suspect yourself? My GAWD, I thought my self esteem was low.

So does the film do anything right? As I said there is a great idea in there and it is cool to see all these familiar faces. There is also a nice bit at the end involving the killer that I can't tell without spoiling things. It is a very slick looking film too and we get to see C. J. Graham face off against another killer, so that is kinda cool. It worked best with the unintentionally funny moments. However, I am probably in the minority if the IMDb user reviews since the day of release are to be believed. Lotsa "10 out of 10"s and effusive praise from the fanboys.

Not even joking. For a movie starring a grown up Corey Feldman this is pretty damn good.

And it's fun to point at the screen and say "I know who all these people are!" even if the story and the direction aren't amazing.

Also, this movie helped me quit my sleeping pills, which is great. Those things made me so groggy. I'd be goofing around in traffic all morning unable to open my eyes properly. So many needless deaths. Especially children, which is almost always sad.

I was very excited to see this movie get off the ground, and I was very excited to pay for it the day it was released on VOD. With that being said, this movie did not do it for me, casting Dee Wallace as your main focus was a mistake. She just did not have the presence to make the it work, as she seemed as a huge fish out of water, as a fan of hers, I'm not taking anything away from her, I just believe she was miscast. It was fun seeing all of the returning Friday the 13th actors, and I feel Deborah Voorhees has promise as a director, but this movie took the wrong route. A better story would have made this movie sail further then I feel this one has.

Not going to spend a lot of time on this review that will disappear into a sea of ominous perfect 10s. If you can get past the questionably executed self serving tongue in cheek script, and the choppy inconsistent editing, you too will get a small amount of entertainment from mostly cringy, non-plausible actions and dialogue. Fun to see a few old familiar faces show up from the franchise, and a few chuckles from Kelsey fright-punching her boyfriend a couple of times. A smile from the micro-gag reel, post credits.