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C- for CGI. Background is static, non-moving. Our central object/person has natural movement, but little detail. Story wise this Russian interpretation (amongst countless) borrowed several typical fairytale themes, e.g evil circus boss; beautiful acrobat love interest; talking horse with attitude as companion; a magic making witch. The 2020 Italian version by Garrone was much better.

This will be my most simple review to date.

Simply put, this movie is terrible but is very often a so bad it's good type of movie.

Kinda recommend, but not really - 2/10.

There are a number of conspiracy theories around the new Lionsgate animated picture Pinocchio: A True Story. I believe in all of them. Here is a film that is so mesmerizingly incompetent and "off" in so many respects that it seems meticulously devised, in its own sense -- even, dare I say, intentional.

Yes, the popular theory states that this movie (or at least, its US dub) was made into a baffling mess on purpose so as to attract attention and that the myriad of TikTok memes about the film -- mostly revolving around Pauly Shore's vocal performance as the wooden child Pinocchio, now sounding more like a fruity middle-aged man -- was totally part of the plan. I mean, when the official Lionsgate TikTok page posts "sigma male Patrick Bateman" memes and this film's official IMDb page boasts a world premiere in the United Arab Emirates, it might be safe to assume we're officially being trolled by an entire movie studio.

Not to be confused with the upcoming Del Toro film, the Disney remake, and a bunch of others that I'm probably forgetting about, this particular Pinocchio features Pauly Shore as Pinocchio and Jon Heder in the role of his talking horse, which is the best news that I've received about now-forgotten comedic actors since I learned of Rob Schneider and Norm of the North. Early on in the film, we're advised to forget what we think we know of Collodi's tale of the puppet child who longs to be a real boy.

Gone are the giant whale and the cursed island with the children turned into donkeys. In their place are a trigger-happy cat, a song number that seems to have been translated directly from Martian, and a few jokes that must have been scavenged from the wastebasket of the Shrek writer's room.

You have surely seen some of these things in the trailers and memes, but really, you've only been catching glimpses of this film's insanity.

Despite the talking horse's aforementioned warnings that this won't be the fairy tale we're used to, and despite the fact that I actually saw a different English dub than the meme'd one, will anyone truly be ready for the first shot of Pinocchio and Gepetto (Tom Kenny), where the latter casually carries the former's disembodied, bored-looking head into frame, plonks it down on the carpentry table, and starts hammering it onto the body? Or the fact that almost every line we hear -- not just the trailer highlights -- is gloriously bizarre in its own right?

I mean it, folks. Pretty much every second of this opening is surreal: Gepetto popping Pinocchio down on a chair and saying straight out, "Now I will be less lonely"; Gepetto musing that Leonardo might've been an appropriate name for the boy, hadn't there been the possibility that he'd grow up into a "selfish actor" or a turtle who likes pizza a bit too much; Gepetto initiating a conversation with the Jon Heder horse character by declaring that he is "probably" the only talking horse in the world; the subsequent images of Pinocchio gaining sentience... I could, quite literally, go on for another 90 minutes.

It helps that the editing is horrendous, ergo many of these disgusting/baffling/hilarious sights just sort of show up (yet again, Heder's warnings are of little comfort). While I don't typically wish to humor stoners, I must profess that this might be the Best Movie to Watch Under the Influence of Pot ever made.

What do I really need to tell you about a film like this? There are Barbie movies with better animation, Dingo Pictures joints with more moving stories, and fever dreams with more sensical dialogue. Watch the Japanese film 964 Pinocchio for a less maddening experience (I'm almost entirely non-sarcastic when I say that).

The plot and dialogue is nonsensical. The constable and his goons shuffle around during the film looking for... something suspicious? Apparently? And the weird forced father-son dynamic between Pinocchio and Tibalt was bizarre. It looked like they spent their entire budget on making Bella's hair flow like she was underwater and a singular shot of a water fountain.

The timing, framing, reactions were all off, and the voice acting was jarring at worst and laughable at best. Feels like a giant money laundering scheme.

Stop trying to pretend that kids are stupid, the infant public deserve better stories than old fashion rippoff fairy tail/comedy movies, the concept itself is already dead, you'd better spend those millions of dollars on projects that really deserve to be seen on theathers, hope you listen, cuz at this rate, your studio is gonna end like blue sky, extint.

Father, when I can leave to be on my oooowwn? I've got the whole to seee💅💅 Everyone needs to see this cinematic masterpiece. Citizen Kane has been dethroned. From the SKEEE DEE DEDA to the "I'm ALIVE! I'm a boy and I'm ALIVE!", this movie is fun for no ages. Wouldn't recommend for your worst enemy.

"FATHERRR 👦 when 😃 can i live to be 🐝on my ownnn 😭💅💅" - Pinocchio (2022)

YALL this is literally the best movie ever made likeee shawshank redemption,,, i dont know her. I haven't even watched the movie but the slayness of it is already so intriguing and would probably replace any quentin tarantino film yasss 🤞🤞🤞

#PinocchioForBestPicture2023

stream red velvet - bad boy!!

Pinocchio didn't look like some wooden thing that crawled out of hell to terrorize us mortals. He's just some dude who happens to be made of wood but still walks just like a normal person for some reason. I don't think magically blessed wood or whatever the hell was going on in this movie is going to work exactly like a human joint.

What was even the point?

Pinocchio is a clear girlboss in this movie, the story is so beautiful and shows the true process of yassification. It shows the grime and grim of the how hard it can be to be a girlboss that we haven't seen in theaters. Work of art, purrrrr.

(Explained without and spoilers) This is one of those movies i can't rate because rating it 10/10 whould be unfair and rating it anything less whould just be dumb.

I watch this movie every day and will never stop loving it.

This movie has everything, it has Pauly Shore as pinocchio which is the perfect man for the role. Nobody should skip this movie i highly recommend watching it with my whole heart.

I was bored even my seven years brother sleep in the theater and he loves movies, i realy need my cash return... the horse save the show so i gave it 1/10.

Worst. Movie. Ever Do not recommend it to anyone.

Not a creative story, even kids were either leaving in the middle of the movie or sleeping. No one was impresses.

Whole movie is garbage. Voice acting is atrocious. Got a pretty little princess as Pinocchio... just god awful and a disgrace to the original movie. I don't know who even bothered to fund this movie as it is easily top 5 worst I've ever seen.

How can you call this film with terrible dub and various grammatically incorrect periods "The true story of Pinocchio"? It is more like another story with a main character made out of wood that goes by the name of Pinocchio. Everything is stereotypically perfect, in fact Pinocchio looks nothing like what he should look based on the original story made by Collodi. The girl, Bella, looks like every boring, fragile, pretty male protagonist love interest (that does not remotely exist in the real story), and a lot of characters are totally distorted (who the hell is Tibalt, or that ridiculous detective?!). This heteronormative and sexist story also lacks every possibile moral a film for children should have, actually teaches them things like "you don't obtain what you want in the easiest and wrong way possibile? Try another one, maybe even easier!". And in the end, the film makes absolutely no sense. The worst film I have ever seen I am trembling in irritation.

The story is boring and the graphics are soo bad and old. In fact I regret that I paid my money for this nonsense.

And the story is bad. I apologize to everyone who paid tickets to see this nonsense.

This film has no redeeming qualities. From the terrible CGI, awful sound track, words that done match the movement of the mouth, and worst of all, a 50+ year old trying to sound like a small wooden boy. There were 9 people in the movie theater, 4 left half way through. We should have as well.

Terrible terrible movie.

This movie is the best at being the worst. Shut up. All characters are punchable. It looks stupid that the dead would probably come back to life just to turn this thing off and announce to the world how bad this is. Even the afterlife hates it.

Move over, Godfather and Morbius. This is a true masterpiece. The creator's magnum opus to rival all magnum opuses.

A truly gorgeous work of art. This is everything I could've ever wanted in life, and more.

The director deserves an EGOT.

This movie was so beautiful I started to sob. I haven't stopped sobbing.

It completely changed my life, and I think I have seen God.

Every bit of dialogue has brought me closer and closer to the heavens above.

This is one of the movies ever made.

I physically cannot stop watching this movie. This will be my 56th time.

First of all: I watched the movie in the German dub and not in the English one.

But I still have to say that my absolute favorite thing about the movie was the character design of Pinocchio (in his wooden form), and the story itself was just okay, but not great. I still think this is the most beautiful Pinocchio (the character) I have ever seen!

Among the German voices, I liked the Fox, voiced by Sascha Draeger, the most (as a long-time TKKG listener, I would recognize his voice anywhere).

I think I would also like to watch the movie in Russian to hear how it actually sounds in the original. I believe that hearing a film in its original language best conveys the makers' original intent.

PS: I feel sorry for everyone whose experience with the movie was ruined by the English dub. I only watched the trailer in English, but that was already pretty hard to endure.

Pinocchio boring story should be the name, Very old graphics with boring story , dont waste your money 👎👎, really the worst I have ever attend with my kids, even the kids did not like it.