- Helen Wilson: I mean, like, saving seats, cliques. They're like "Mean Girls" but with medical-alert bracelets.
- Sally Hanson: You know what I hate?
- Helen Wilson: What?
- Sally Hanson: Sweaty under-boobs. Oh, I used to love my boobs. I mean, they were so nice and high. Now, they're at their final resting place.
- Helen Wilson: Oh, God.
- Sally Hanson: You don't have sweaty under-boobs?
- Helen Wilson: No! And if I did, I wouldn't talk about it.
- Sally Hanson: Oh. But, they're just so uncomfortable.
- Helen Wilson: Oh, God.
- Sally Hanson: I mean, you just can't wipe 'em and dry 'em off. You know, gotta *lift* them--and get under there and make a proper mop up. And then you have to *hold* 'em up so you can cool 'em off.
- Helen Wilson: Stop! Stop!
- Sally Hanson: So, I got me a ta-ta towel.
- Helen Wilson: Well, no. No, I don't want to know what a ta-ta towel is. Don't tell me.
- Sally Hanson: Ta-ta towel is: you wrap it around your neck--when you don't wear your bra, it holds up your boobs so you can get up under there, let 'em dry. And it's adjustable
- Helen Wilson: Well, it would have to be, wouldn't it?
- Sally Hanson: Keep 'em high, you keep 'em dry.
- Sally Hanson: You could become one of us. You could sit at our table.
- Helen Wilson: I don't want to sit at your table. This isn't high school.
- Sally Hanson: You're right. It's worse. High school, we graduate. Here, we *die*--or we fight against it until our last breath.
- Ken DeNardo: Uh, does she like to exercise?
- Laura Crane: She burns most of her calories rolling her eyes.
- Janet Poindexter: Okay, ladies, let's go. Let's go! Remember, sweat is just fat crying for attention.
- Ken DeNardo: Is your mom on any special medications?
- Laura Crane: My mother takes pills to cure her dry sense of humor.
- Laura Crane: You seem like a very upbeat, spiritual person.
- Lito Santos: Thank you.
- Laura Crane: She hates that. So do I.
- Helen Wilson: You know what, if we're going to play another game, I need a bathroom break.
- Margot Clark: Me too.
- Janet Poindexter: If you leave the table after the cards have been dealt, you forfeit.
- Helen Wilson: That's ridiculous!
- Janet Poindexter: Club rules.
- Sally Hanson: That's why I wear Depends.
- Woman with Walker #1: Stay away from them. We call them the Queen Bs. Guess what the "B" stands for?
- Helen Wilson: Got it.
- Dan Simpson: How did you know my name?
- Helen Wilson: I like to know who my neighbors are--especially if they're Peeping Toms.
- Sally Hanson: Last night I had a dose of courage.
- Margot Clark: Some of us call it three glasses of wine.
- Sally Hanson: You are a great player. We could win. Tournaments and prizes and maybe a trip to Vegas to see that show with those naked Australian men.
- Margot Clark: Ah, come on, be one of us.
- Helen Wilson: Well, who ever said I wanted to be one of you?
- Janet Poindexter: Why wouldn't you? We stick together. We sit together. We don't take crap from anyone.
- Margot Clark: *We* are the cool ones.
- Helen Wilson: Oh, do you have a dance number to go with that?
- Dan Simpson: OK, so, now I'm being the man and you're being the woman. You ready?
- Helen Wilson: That's hard to believe, but go ahead.
- Sally Hanson: We have got to live every day. Marijuana--totally almost legal. I got it from an orderly.
- Helen Wilson: Oh, good Lord.
- Sally Hanson: Do you want to get baked?
- Helen Wilson: Did we--sleep together last night?
- Sally Hanson: Oh, don't look so worried. That kind of experience is not on my bucket list.
- Helen Wilson: Did you have a favorite husband?
- Margot Clark: Number one stole my heart. He could charm the pants off of anybody--which was *exactly* the problem.
- Woman with Walker #1: Will there be cheese balls?
- Woman with Walker #2: If we're going to a party for that cow, there better be cheese balls.
- Helen Wilson: There will be cheese balls.
- Woman with Walker #2: And nuts. I like nuts on my balls.
- Helen Wilson: I've got chocolate truffles and Merlot. Wanna take a walk on the wild side?
- Sally Hanson: Let's go crazy.
- [first lines]
- Ken DeNardo: [answering phone call] Pine Grove, this is Ken.
- Helen Wilson: Hello, this is Helen Wilson, at 227 Cosgrove. Would you repeat what I just said?
- Ken DeNardo: Helen Wilson, at 227 Cosgrove.
- Helen Wilson: Good. I just wasn't sure you could actually listen, because I've called this place at least half a dozen times requesting that you stop sending me your brochure.
- Ken DeNardo: Pardon?
- Helen Wilson: You know? Just, like, don't waste any more paper. Save on the postage, because I am not now, nor will I ever be at all interested in living in your swanky old people's home. Have you got that?
- Ken DeNardo: May I...
- Helen Wilson: Thank you. Goodbye.
- Helen Wilson: I don't like to be rude to people.
- Janet Poindexter: We're not rude. We're honest!
- Sally Hanson: No, we're honest; you're rude.
- Helen Wilson: I never thought of myself as "cool."
- Janet Poindexter: You're not. With us, you will be.