Megalodon

This was such a bad movie from the acting down to the ridiculous storyline. Even Michael Madsen gave a poor performance. It was like he didn't want to be in the movie at all. I got a little better than 2/3 of the way through and I gave up...couldn't bear to watch a single more scene.

I couldn't get past the first scene. Not because the CGI looked like it was made by a highschool kid learning digital video production. Because it starts with a bunch of Naval personnel on the deck of a boat in formation, no hats on, some at attention some in something between attention and parade rest. Then the commander Michael Madsen walks out and holy shit he looks like he just rolled onto the set after a 4 day bender in Vegas. This supposed naval ship commander's mullet is showing from under hit head gear. Which has a giant bird shaped emblem on it that was stolen from a 1950s car hood. Hes got rings on like a pump and his uniform looks like he just pulled it out a hamper and threw it on. I got as far as the next scene where everyone is saluting in doors and nearly threw my remote through my TV. If they couldnt pay for good graphics or a decent plot, They could have at least spent 100 bucks on some naval veteran at the very least to help look an actual military service FFS.

"Commander" was a Lieutenant. Non regulation haircuts from enlisted up to hobo Admiral. Rescue sub looks like Saturday morning kids cartoon. Security guy would NEVER bring an M4 rifle on a sub...shotgun yes, pistol, okay. Russian accents dreadful. I could go on but I have to wash my eyes after watching this dreck.

Megalodon is actually a tutorial on how to make a bad movie. First, stereotype all your characters, ALL of them. Second, missrepresent everything, from military stuff to marine biology to international relations and protocol, even submarine engineering is wrong (I mean, the hatch that connects two submarines closes like a cellar door). Third, add bad dialogue, unnecessary scenes, events happening out of nowhere, and last but not least, invest as little as possible in special effects for you main atraction. And voilà!

I gave this a 1 star because I assume most people probably watch it like they watch most movies and that's hoping to be immersed in a great story. If that is your purpose you should run fast and run far from this atrocity. If you watched it for the reason I did, which is to say, knowing it would be terrible and wondering just how terrible it could be then it's a 12/10. The acting was some of the worst I've ever seen and the script was 6th-Grade caliber which helped accentuate the lack of acting skills. I couldn't help but wonder if the "actors/actresses" realized how awful this was and figured **** it, it's a paycheck, or if they thought it turned out well. One reviewer got into intricacies of military dress and rank insignia and such and I was amazed he felt the need to go that deep for something wrong. However, I do feel it warranted to note this was the worst portrayal of any branch of our armed forces that I recall ever personally witnessing. North Korea could not have dreamed of a better anti-American Navy propaganda film. This was so bad that it's borderline slanderous to every person who does or ever has served in the U.S. Navy. It would have been more appropriate to personally kick each and every one of them in the junk than to paint their Navy like this. Now... Back to the generalities of this tragic waste of resources. The guns they used were not even bad replicas, instead, they clearly were purchased by an uninterested intern who went to the nearest toy store for them. They attempted some military lingo and failed spectacularly. The "Admiral" had some sort of bedazzled eagle disaster on his bdu cover... Yeah I'll leave that all alone. The dialogue was like a *****y porn film but cheesier. Then there was the ship itself when they showed it a couple times. I have yet to decide it it was also a very cheap and unrealistic toy or the worst CGI that I've ever had the fortune to witness. I could continue for days but it you want to see a cinematic atrocity this is the one for you.