Curse of the Blind Dead

I was drawn like a moth to a flame (or a fly to...something) to the Italian production Curse of the Blind Dead. It opens in the 14th century (presumably as the filmmakers aren't big on details) with five Templar knights preparing to sacrifice a baby. They are stopped by some villagers and the world's best Christian fighters are captured without putting up a fight. Hell, they don't even draw their swords. They are blinded and then burned at the stake. Fastforward several millenniums and the world is now recovering from a nuclear war (showcased by a big green forest). Sheriff's deputy Rick Grimes...er, Michael (Aaron Stielstra) and his daughter Lily (Alice Zanini) are wandering around aimlessly, apparently searching for "Paradise" that they hear about from a radio signal (again, I was forced to suss this info out on my own). They are attacked by some marauders and saved by followers of a religious order led by Maestro Abel (Bill Hutchens). Of course, cinema law dictates any benevolent group is really looking to kill you and sure enough Abel wants to do the whole baby sacrificing ceremony again for the now zombified Knights Templar. Wait? How are these guys back? No idea. They just are because "the ancient prophecy" says so.

The sightless Knights Templar zombies that graced Amando de Ossorio's four Spanish films have always been one of the more unique takes on the undead subgenre. So much so that I thought the concept would be great for a revisit. But this ain't it. I am always baffled how films like this exist. How do you get through writing a script, scouting locations, assembling a crew and cast and then deliver something so flat? To quote the paramedic from Return of the Living Dead (1985), this thing has "no blood pressure, no pulse." It is so maddeningly boring that I almost wanted to pluck out my own eyes. It is the kind of film where nearly everyone in the post-apoc world has normal clothes and nice haircuts with trimmed beards. The kind of film where a guy gruesomely severs his own thumb to get out of some handcuffs and then it doesn't bother him after that. The kind of film that casts Italian action legend Fabio Testi and gives him one line. The kind of film where the director has a POV shot for one of the blind zombies (he will probably say he was trying to convey their "hearing" sight, but I ain't buying that, chief). There is some gore but I swear the masks for the blind dead guys are just refurbished Darkman masks. This feature opens with the Uncork'd logo and, honestly, that is the perfect home for something like this dreck. The only remotely interesting thing about this film is now I will spend the next few days wondering if this was better or worse than the Blind Dead knockoff that had a Knight having sex with a busty blonde on the cover.

So what was this supposed to be? A tribute to the 1972 "Tombs of the Blind Dead" movei? A tribute? A sequel? A stand-alone movie with only the shared title?

Regardless of its intention, the 2020 movie "Curse of the Blind Dead" was not really an outstanding movie. Especially since it was lacking a proper storyline. The plot and script was so weak that you could easily leave the movie for a prolonged time - say a bathroom break, snack break, etc. - and come back later and not have been missing out on anything vital to the storyline. Because there simply was nothing vital to the storyline.

Director Raffaele Picchio just shambled through the storyline at an incredibly slow pace, which really didn't do much to spruce up the overall enjoyment of the movie. In fact, the slow pacing was just helping to make the movie all the more unbearable to sit through.

However, I managed to do that, sit through the entire movie. But trust me, I was by no means entertained here. But still, being a zombiesque movie, of course I sat through the movie to the end.

I will say that while the movie was just plain boring, then "Curse of the Blind Dead" actually had adequate effects, both for the templar zombies and for the blood and gore. And that, at least, counted for something, but it just couldn't make up for the shortcomings on an improper storyline and script.

The acting in the movie was adequate, taking into consideration the total lack of proper characters, script and dialogue.

All in all, there really is no reason for bothering sitting down to watch the 2020 "Curse of the Blind Dead" movie. I am rating it a generous three out of ten stars, and that is solely based on the blood, gore and special effects.

Let me preface by saying that I am a huge fan of the Blind Dead series. I didn't want to watch this because everything I had seen on it looked like crap. But it's free on Amazon Prime so I tried to watch.

The good; Anton Abril's score is heard in the beginning and sprinkled throughout. The composer also did a good job of blending the original music to match. And...that's about where the good ends.

Armando De Ossorio is rolling in his grave. If I were in charge of his estate I would sue these guys to remove his name from it. It has nothing on his creation. The post-apocalyptic setting is unbelievable. The idea to set it after an apocalyptic event is plain stupid as it could've been set in contemporary times. I actually had written a treatment for a Blind Dead sequel and was able to pull it off.

The original 4 films had atmosphere and were well acted and scenes were well staged. You'll get none of that here. Acting is a joke. CGI is terrible. The gore effects are decent but. It enough to redeem this train wreck of a movie. Also the Blind Dead themselves look like they're wearing Halloween club discount isle costumes and masks. The original films were low budget as well but pulled it off much much better.

I would've scored it better for the gore and music but the insult this is to Amando De Osorio is simply unforgivable.

The film has zero atmosphere, zero suspense, zero tension n it is not at all scary. It has some gore n thats it. A scene is copied from Antropophagus n Cottage, the spine removal scene. We have a snake plissken a la poor man's Kurt Russell with an eye patch. Cos of the low budget they cudnt show the roads, highways or cities in dilapidated or post apocalyptic state, so they shot the entire movie in some park or fields.

If you like over the top gore with ridiculous cartoon like acting and the supposed hero who does nothing but make things worse this is 2 hours you will enjoy. If you were looking for a movie with an actual plot with compelling characters you want to root for this is not in any way that. Avoid this nonsense.