Mississippi River Sharks

I've been a fan of Misty Talley's works for a while now, and "Mississippi River Sharks" is another feather in her cap. The romantic subplot between Tara and her high school sweetheart, Eric, is touching and reminiscent of old flames many of us have experienced. Talley has a knack for presenting romance that resonates.

One of the standout aspects of this film is Talley's representation of strong female leads. Perhaps her perspective as a female director adds an authentic touch, making these characters both relatable and empowering.

But what truly had me grinning from ear to ear was the film-within-a-film concept. "Shark Bite", starring Jason London, is a delightful jest at cinematic clichés. Those parody subtitles, like "Shark Bite 2: Sharks in the Ozarks" and "Shark Bite 3: Prawn of the Dead", are just the kind of tongue-in-cheek humor I adore. It's a playful nod to film enthusiasts, making it a treat for casual viewers and movie buffs alike.

Here's hoping Talley might consider expanding on "Shark Bite" in the future. I, for one, would be front and center, popcorn in hand.

Right, well we all know what we are in for when we sit down to watch a movie such as "Mississippi River Sharks". I mean, just look at the DVD cover and you already know what it is going to be like.

But still, there is that little voice at the far, far back of your mind that beckons and compels you to sit down and watch it, on the slightest of hopes that this might actually turn out to be a good shark movie.

It wasn't!

"Mississippi River Sharks" was impeded by an overly predictable storyline, which was, in fact, so predictable that even a blind and deaf person would be able to foresee what would happen next. Yep, it was that predictable. And that meant that there were absolutely no surprises or twists or turns along the progression of the movie.

The CGI effects in "Mississippi River Sharks" was downright abysmal and laughable at best. Not once did they manage to make it look realistic, and that just made it impossible to take it the least bit serious.

For a movie in the killer shark genre, or whatever you classify the shark movies as, then "Mississippi River Sharks" was a very generic and mundane addition to the genre, and it offered absolutely nothing new to the genre.

The cast was adequate, taking into consideration the type of movie and its budget size. You had Jason London and Jeremy London in the movie, which should be enough of an indicator of what you are in for here.

If you enjoy shark movies, then I strongly suggest that you sink your jaws, wink wink, into another movie, because "Mississippi River Sharks" is really not worth the time or effort.

Preparing for an annual tradition, a group of locals at a fishing competition on the Mississippi River find that the whole affair has been invaded by a species of man-eating sharks and must find a way of getting the rest of the fishermen off the river and stop the sharks.

There was a lot to really like in this one. One of the film's positive points is the fact that there's plenty of solid lead-up throughout here to get the main point of the film going. With the exploits of the fishing competition carrying on with all the fine build-up here of the big attacks that provide all the lead-in to the infestation, from the first fisherman attack out on the marina and the ensuing ambush on the deputy trying to clean up the crime scene, the confrontation on the main section of the river where they produce the creature for the masses and the sequence where the creatures arrive to interrupt their plan to stop them by launching the out-of-water attack on the locals. With these scenes all coming to point out the rather fun concept of the creatures invading the fishing competition with the disbelieving locals, there's a lot to like with the idea of this one setting up a race to warn people against the attacking creatures while they work their way down in several shorter attack scenes. Given that these attacks are pretty much continuous for the most part as it shows them grabbing the fishermen off the river or jumping out of the water to grab people, that allows this one to really give this the kind of frantic pace that really appeals to the cheesy nature of the storyline. That even continues on into the rather fun finale where their plan to rid the sharks is initially foiled through sheer ineptitude rather than anything to do with the film itself even though that carries the action rather nicely and sets up some rather fun moments here. Alongside the big body count that produces some solid CGI gore, these here make for quite a lot to like in the face of the few minor flaws. The film's biggest issue is the rather problematic reasoning why the mayor continues the fishing competition as long as he does even in the face of the mounting evidence against it. There's obviously sharks in the water and have already eaten several by the time this one gets going, but the fact that he keeps it going for ludicrous reasoning is simply continuing a genre standby more than anything else and it just makes no sense why it would be featured. The continual ineptitude displayed to carry on the film makes no sense either and really does serve the film no reason for existing longer than it really should. The CGI is also a problem, but overall there's a lot to like here.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence and Language.

Not sure what others are seeing, but this move is simply pitiful. Even for the pseudo sci-fi genre, this one is a real stinker.

Watched 'Mississippi River Sharks' with the hope of a welcome distraction from a period of low moods and some campy guilty pleasure fun. Having seen so many low-budget shark films that were really bad or worse, even when taking it for what they were trying to be, there was apprehension in the air.

Before anybody gets defensive, am well aware that films like 'Mississippi River Sharks' are not ones to be taken seriously, have been well versed enough seeing previous low-budget efforts to not expect that. Have seen my fair share of low-budget shark films, and any other kind of low-budget creature film, and will admit to finding some guilty fun in some of them (i.e. the first two 'Sharknado' films). There are far worse shark films certainly, many seen recently.

'Mississippi River Sharks' at least has occasional splashes of fun and some semi-decent scenery. There is also far worse acting in other low-budget shark films, not that that is saying much, Cassie Steele in particular tries hard.

Due to that the acting largely is pretty poor, with the usual mix of overplaying and blandness. Any few attempts to develop the characters results in padded and pointless scenes, development is at best flimsy and it's all overwrought and does little to make the characters endearing or care or learn enough about them.

The execution of almost everything is severely underwhelming, not just being visually cheap and poorly acted and written even worse but what seemed like a decent, if very generic, idea was executed in fashion typical of too many killer shark films made on a low budget, with no imagination whatsoever and only occasional splashes of fun.

Faring worse are the production values, story and writing. 'Mississippi River Sharks', aside from the scenery, is drably shot and sloppily edited, but it's the truly abysmal special effects that are the worst. As the sharks were made on a low-budget it would have been forgiven a little if it was not great, but when the effects for the sharks look as if no effort was given in making them without looking so goofy and unfinished-looking that is hard to ignore or forgive.

Can say no better about the portrayal of the sharks either. They exude little personality either, no menace, not even any unintentional goofiness. Generally the attack scenes, apart from the odd mild amusement, are sloppily edited, too brief and devoid of suspense or sense of horror, complete with overused cartoonish gore that looks cheap and used gratuitously.

Writing ranges between incredibly bad to appalling. Any comedy is incredibly forced and is so cheesy it is enough to make the eyes roll in disbelief, while the more serious moments are very awkwardly written, melodramatic and as trite as anybody can possibly go. The silliness goes well overboard as the film progresses and it becomes intelligence insulting even when one tries to take it for what it's trying to be. Particularly in the final act which also drags hard and feels longer than it should be

Really wanted to like the story here because the concept was intriguing slightly, but while it starts nicely the further the movie progresses the lazier, cheesier and more formulaic it gets, also making the mistake that most low-budget shark films make of trying so hard to be over the top and stupid but in a painfully predictable and less than fresh way that it becomes tiresome. The stupidity gets stale quickly and the film is lethargic generally in pace as a result of stretching the film out for too long a length for such a slight story.

Altogether, have seen worse but poorly done. 3/10 Bethany Cox