Fast & Furious X

I had a mission walking into that theater, and that is to count the number of "family" spoken in this movie. At the end of the day, I got about 2 "familia", 3 "fam", and a grand total of 28 "family". See if they can break that record next time!

Nothing much needs to be commented about the film itself: we launched cars into space last time to destroy satellites, what less could you expect? Screw the logistics, screw physics, and screw Newton with his screwing apple tree! And guess what, if you do manage to stay awake after an hour, you'll start to understand how F&F actually survives the 22-year journey of production --- by not giving a screw! Hey, remember when Gal Gadot's character got blew up? Yeah screw that she quitting DCU so we resurrects her in our universe. Remember how Jakob was the cold-blooded villain just one movie before this? Screw that we got Peacemaker to play him this time cuz it makes great comedy. Remember when not even Dune dared announcing sequels until the first week of release? Screw that, Villeneuve ain't know nothing about making sequels, we bringing Fast 12 on the calendar while releasing the trailer!

So yeah, here we are, anticipating Fast 11 next year, when the man named Dominic I-Am-Groot Toretto asserts dominion over Dante the Jokerized Aquaman, of course, with the help of his family.

Do you remember the game people used to play where someone would write down the first line of a story on a piece of paper, fold it back so the next person couldn't see it and then they'd add another line, fold it back etc. Then at the end you'd read the story in full and laugh at the results? Well I think that's how Fast X was written. It's a mish-mash of the previous 9 films rolled into one with cameo appearances from almost anyone who's ever starred in any of them. The problem is the story is nonsensical - we have jumps to shoots all around the world for no reason at all. We have a few maudlin scenes from the past. And of course (this is not a spoiler as it's now everywhere in the press) Fast X is not in fact the last film of the franchise so there is no closure of any sort at the end. The cast felt tired, going through the motions. I think even they think there's maybe been too many movies in this franchise. The only saving grace here was the wonderfully over the top villain played brilliantly by Jason Momoa - every scene he was in stood out.

Yes there's the usual over the top stunts (though personally I thought not as good as some of the previous films) racing for no real point, fight scences etc so the fans of the franchise will probably enjoy it. But as a standalone film and even in comparison with the previous 9, it's a bit of a mess.

Fast X finally went too far.

As far as I remember, people are always complaining about these movies being dumb. However, people often dismiss the charm of the action and the overcomplicated plots of the crazy writers trying to show how smart they are. This time they actually went too far.

Once again they retcon an old movie by adding scenes that weren't there. Once again they got caught on a "revenge plot" and once again family has to come together to defeat evil. They quite literally just rehashed the plot of the last 2-3 movies, except this time they got lazy!

The whole family is back with a brand new cast.

Allan Ritchson, I love the guy, but he can't act to save his life. He has the funniest dialogues in the entire movie, though.

Brie Larson, the second worsth actor in the entire movie, has absolutely no chemistry with the entire cast. It's actually impressive, she seems uncomfortable in every scene. I don't get it.

John Cena again charming his way into making you like his character, but he can't act either. Though he actually takes advantage of his dialogues and his own phisicality to sell the Jacob Toretto.

And Jason Momoa... Just played a goofier Joker. Jared Leto would be proud. He's even obsessed with the color purple. Someone must've felt very cheeky when he said something on the lines of "I don't wanna kill them, I just want to hurt them real bad". What a failure of a villain. Jumping back and forwards between a serious villain and an clown.

This was, overall, a very dull, uninteresting and boring disappointment. Fast 9 shoulda been the last one.

Not looking forward to the sequels to this mess, not at all.

The movie starts it story from the first ten minutes of Fast Five. The story starts out of nowhere and thr scenes are not even connected properly with each other. Any scene comes out of nowhere. The performances by all the cast members felt weak and the character development of the main Villian was bad. Jason's character wanted revenge in the movie but it more looked like he was a psycho who kills people for fun. The main problem with this franchise is saturated. It feels like we have seen all this millions of times and the action scenes doesn't amaze you.

Overall, it was an average action movie and the franchise has reached fatigue.

I mean they didn't even try to hide the fact they are all mostly two word titles with copy-pasting the same sentences in different order in one paragraph. Racing Victors, Racing Heat, Racing Rivals, Racing Independence, Racing Mavericks, Racing Tranquility, Racing Liberty, Racing Bliss, Racing Winners, Racing Explorer, Racing Heaven... and many, many more - and those are just the titles starting with Racing, there are other obvious patterns with different title words.

This has to be a world record for bogus ChatGPT reviews. I mean it's pretty bad when the producers have to stoop so low, and they're that lazy to even hide the fact they are trying to fool their audience this way. It also proves how little faith they have in their own film. The current Rotten Tomatoes critics 54% rating is a more accurate. I gave it a generous 6/10.

It's too bad more effort didn't go into the writing and S/VFX (which needed major toning down and lacked realism), as they put towards trying to fool their fans of the franchise. This was too long, too slow, and too cartoonish. The writing was infantile, like it was written by a bunch of prepubescent giggly teens, and Momoa's character was too overboard and can't be taken in long doses. They basically tried to copy The Joker's character instead of creating his own persona. His performance however was still the most engaging and entertaining. Don't even get me started on the lame ending which will punish anyone following Vin Diesel on social media with him constantly counting down the days until the next ridiculous part 2 of Fast X. They should've just put us all out of our misery and ended this franchise at a nice even number.

Nevertheless, still a decent popcorn watch riddled with brainless exposes of plot holes and nonsense entertainment, especially if you have nothing better to do and almost 3 hours to waste.