- George Grubb: [menacingly] You're new.
- Joe Spud: That's right, I'm Joe. I've just moved into the area, into an average-sized house.
- Gail Grubb: I'm Gail Grubb, and this is my twin brother, George Grubb.
- George Grubb: In case you're wonderin', we're the school bullies.
- Gail Grubb: As it's your first day, we'll be puttin' you into the bin to start with.
- Joe Spud: What?
- George Grubb: You have any complaints, you can write to our Mum at this address.
- [he hands Joe a business card]
- Joe Spud: Why do you have to bully me?
- George Grubb: We're not really good at anything else.
- Warwick Davis: Good day at school, Master Spud?
- Joe Spud: It was awful.
- Warwick Davis: Your father won't be happy. St Cuthbert's is the most expensive school in the country.
- Joe Spud: I just don't fit in there.
- Warwick Davis: Why not?
- Joe Spud: They look down on me, call me names.
- Warwick Davis: D'they? Like what?
- Joe Spud: Bum Billionaire, Master Plop-Paper, Bum-Wipe Boy...
- Warwick Davis: Well, children can be cruel.
- Joe Spud: That were the teachers!
- sign seen onscreen: [uncomfortable at the posh private school, Joe gets transferred to the Local Comp; walking to his first day, he passes the school's name sign] Ruffington High School - Doing the Best We Can.
- Warwick Davis: [repeated lines, whenever Len Spud asks his butler for advice] Do you want my honest opinion, sir?
- Len Spud: Not really.