Le Ministère de la Sale Guerre

It has been awhile since I have seen something so predicable.

It felt like the script had been copied from the standard WW2 movie then all the quality suspense, excitement and character development which is normally in these movies replaced with vague attempts at humour and actors which feel like they are all running on idle.

There are so many good actors in this which could carry almost any movie but they have such a bad script to work.

The whole production feels like it is missing 95% of a good script to the point I am not sure they even had one and didn't just wing it and hope to put something together in editing, though as the actors deliver so poorly I assume they must be following a script.

It's the true WWII story of Operation Postmaster. This Guy Ritchie movie is most definitely highly fictionalized. It's 1942. Britain is in its darkest hour. The Blitz is destroying London. U-boats are cutting off the Atlantic supply route. America remains on the sidelines. The Nazis' main U-boat supply ship is located in a neutral Spanish colonial west African port. British parliament refuses to attack a neutral country. Winston Churchill secretly orders the unauthorized mission led by imprisoned soldier Gus March-Phillips (Henry Cavill) with his motley crew of outsiders.

This is one of those real fake history movies. It's more than the normal fictionalization. It's got the wild sardonic Guy Ritchie humor. These characters are rather one dimensional with a few exceptions. It feels more like a comic book movie although that's fine since that's the intention. A highlight is the insanely gorgeous Eiza González. Alan Ritchson and his giant muscles seem to be popping up everywhere. I like this, but I don't love it.

This movie was kind of what I expected it to be. As of recently guy Ritchie has had a habit of frequently pumping out mediocore action films. But this one takes the cake. There were good elements. Henry Cavill was really good and without a doubt carried this movie.

And he worked really well with his co-actors, most of who were extremely unremarkable. This movie also gives us what is probably the worst Churchill preformance ever. It was kinda predictable but at the same time its "based" on a true story. But my god it was horribly written. When Churchill said "what are you, some sort of ministry of ungentlemanly warfare" I felt my last brain cells die. 6.3/10.

And it honestly should have been. With this nice ensemble and decent budget, great production design, and a director who in theory definitely should have the chops, THE MINISTRY OF UNGENTLEMANLY WARFARE had everything it needed and more.

And yet, it misses the mark. Much of it has to do with the direction, I'm afraid. A lack of spirit and inspiration can be felt throughout the film, sometimes worse than other times, but neither the shots he called nor his direction of the actors are worthy of Ritchie's potential. The script could have used a bit more polishing, especially concerning the dialogue, but it's really mostly the practical aspects where this falls flat.

If you're a native German speaker, you will also notice how bad the fake Germans actually are. They should have been dubbed, but nobody seemed to care. Even Til Schweiger messed up some lines in German (probably drunk on set, as usual) - nobody cared.

What also made the film worse than it could have been is the score. Someone told the composer to go for "Schifrin meets Morricone", I guess, and what he delivered was a weak attempt at copying both. No swing, no drama, no feeling whatsoever. Just flat and boring, matching the direction perfectly.

That being said, you can still kill a bit of time watching this, since Cavill, Ritchson, et al are very likeable and have a lot of charming presence. Locations are nice, the DoP did a great job with the lighting, and Eiza González has a great singing performance (refreshingly with no audible pitch correction, but as a professional singer with an amazing voice she really doesn't need any), even though the arrangement and interpretation of the famous "Mack The Knife" is quite horrible.

But if anything, this has made me wish for a more silly WW2 comedy with Cary Elwes in the lead. I'd buy that for a dollar.

Let me start with the positives.

Like most Guy Ritchie films, the ensemble has great chemistry. Henry Cavill doesn't disappoint, he keeps the pace going and interactions between everyone fun to watch. Alan Ritchson does great as a force of nature, dude is built like a tank. Babs Olusanmokun is slick, he has a very smooth demeanor to his performance. Lastly, Eiza Gonzalez is absolutely beautiful, however her performance was hit or miss for me. But she hit more than she missed.

Now, the negatives.

The movie doesn't feel like it was even made by Guy Ritchie. Instead it feels like someone else were trying to make a "Guy Ritchie" film.

I would watch it again, but it is not in my recommendation list if I were to convince someone to get into Guy Ritchie films.