Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

First, I have really enjoyed a number of the Transformers movies despite the usual criticisms. They were, generally, fun, well thought out intl terms of action scenes and had a few key actors to give them a little more appeal. This one seems to have the casting and script all wrong. The supposed academic is barely able to string a sentence together and is wholly unconvincing as someone who could work out how to get out of the bathroom let alone anything else (also the actress is dire but hardly the point). The main actor is uninspiring and deals with the awful script with seeming boredom (I doubt it is genuine boredom as this is presumably his big break) and the cutesy nod to the 90s for the transformers themselves seems, well, meh? Overall, boring, badly acted, shocking casting and a sad epitaph.

At no point did these characters pull me into this movie, there was just zero connection. I have no idea who any of them are! How is that possible for such a big franchise such as Transformers? Is this all they could find when casting? Mirage was the only entertaining character and carried the movie.

Also is it just me or did it feel like it took a long time for the movie to take off? I understand we need to develop characters but at times in the first part of the movie I forgot I was even watching a Transformers movie.

I felt like the CGI was a little overdone too. I feel like some parts the bots looked almost cartoonish compared to the grungy look from previous movies.

Well, it's about robots from outer space so just turn your brain off for maximum enjoyment. If you told me the script was AI-generated, I'd believe it.

But is it entertaining? Depends on your definition. If you want to see robots and humans hunting MacGuffins, clashing and brawling for their respective fates, painfully cringe dialog and jokes, and a predictable plot? Then yes, it's entertaining.

I'm a sucker for 90s hip-hop, so hearing Tribe and Wu-Tang was a pleasant surprise. I also appreciate the dynamic lighting and how the robots are integrated into their environments. They don't stick out too much or look odd.

Until they talk. Then most of the immersion goes right out the window. Nearly every robot-spoken word is delivered with the gusto of the movie trailer voiceover guy bellowing cliches like ancient creeds.

And yet, as the 3rd act progressed I found myself starting to be won over, almost like a case of Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe because I stopped thinking about it. Maybe the movie itself became a visual lobotomy.

I almost want to recommend this. Not because it's good, but because it's bad in ways that are endearing and sort of fun.

I appreciated the fact that this film made Optimus Prime an actual character, and that it found a couple of interesting, believable ways to give the human characters a legitimate use in the story.

Aside from a few moments involving these things, I was bored senseless by this movie.

I struggle to comprehend how a script like this passes so many hands and makes it to production; it has some of the worst dialogue this side of Attack of the Clones.

Everything in this movie is told to us, rather than creatively shown. It's obnoxious, it's lazy, and it's stupid. It treats us, the audience, like we're stupid as it spoon feeds every piece of information to us like we're infants, even though the story is really simple and nothing original or complex happens once.

All this could be saved if the action were entertaining and investing. But it isn't, aside from a handful of stylish shots.

Say what you will about Michael Bay's movies. (They're bad.) But at least they had huge scale to them and the stakes were understood.

This is a bland blockbuster movie, through and through. The action never features any destruction or threat to human life. There isn't a practical, real thing happening on screen.

Artificial, boring, and derivative, with about 5-10 minutes worth of good material.

I thought Bumblebee was a bright spot, but it looks like the good streak has been cut short.

Well, after I left the theater I felt somehow lobotomized, numb and dead like a rock (well, maybe I'm wrong and stones are more alive than I realize). Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is one of those many examples that raise one question: where are the talents and the creative people these days? Certainly not too many are involved in the movie business - Rise of the Beasts got nothing that will raise it above the bar of barely acceptable: a dead boring story line, dead boring characters, and terrible dialogues we listened to one million times before. The special effects are somewhat okay, but, well, that's pretty standard these days. Recommendation only for the absolute hardcore fan of the Transformer universe or for those who are - for whatever reason - in need for some brain killing experience.