Dickshark

This entire movie is in slow motion, and it's TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONG.

I wanted to die after 5 minutes.

Plot

A romantic couple get more than they expected after the husband's experiments with penis-enlargement cream go awry. Wait, this is not a porn story. Rather, it is an absurd science-fiction movie that features a curious new species, the Dickshark. In some ways this story asks the same questions that Mary Shelly did when she wrote "Frankenstein.

Cast

Not being my general type of thing I was unfamiliar with anyone except Erin Brown who is better known as her erotic movie alter ego Misty Mundae.

Verdict

Dickshark was a recommendation otherwise I'd not have likely watched it even for the novelty factor. When I looked on IMDB I facepalmed at the cover art and scratched my head at the runtime, how could this be three hours in length?

Within moments I saw what type of film this was and I use the term film very loosely. Each scene features the same formula, a guy and a girl and for often unexplained reasons she's naked, topless or in her underwear. The banter between them is juvenile, the acting non-existent and then we'll have some involvement with the "Dick Shark" and it makes Scyfy movies look like they're on 200 million budgets.

To be clear there really is no plot here, it's just three hours.....yep it really is three hours....of T&A. Girl jiggles boobs, man makes bad jokes.

The novelty element could have made for a short film but not a feature and certainly not something of this length.

Outside of teen boys I don't see who'd like this and I honestly question if they would either.

Rants

I don't get it, what were they thinking when they made this? Was it a lost bet? Was it a dare? I struggle to believe anyone actually thought this was a good idea. It's like troma mixed with softcore porn but without much sex, I'm really lost for words and blown away that this exists and this is coming from a guy who watches a LOT of weird indie flicks.

Breakdown

Constant close up female genital shots were unnecessary No plot Awful acting Cast have no place in front of the camera Everyone involved should be embarassed.

Right, well with a movie titled "Dickshark", then I have to say that I had absolutely zero expectations for this 2016 movie. I happened to stumble upon it by random chance, and opted to give the movie a chance, on the chance of it being a bizarre comedy.

I was wrong. Boy, how I was wrong. This movie is atrocious. It wasn't a comedy at all. This was a lewd low budget sleaze-fest of an adult movie. Yeah, nothing worthwhile to sit down here for. In fact, do yourself a favor and stay well clear of this dumpster fire of a movie from writer and director Bill Zebub.

The storyline in "Dickshark" was laughable, non-existing and just downright stupid. But then again, does sleazy movies really need a storyline? Well, it does if you were expecting it to be something quite different than what it turned out to be.

The acting performances in this movie, and I use the word "movie" with a grain of salt here, was amateurish, sluggish, wooden, rigid and not really worth watching. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single performer on the cast list here, nor were I inspired to rush out to acquire other movies of anyone on the cast list here.

The special effects were non-existing. So don't get your hopes up.

Bad production, bad acting, bad writing and bad cinematography hardly constitutes a proper movie.

My rating of "Dickshark" from writer and director Bill Zebub lands on a one out of ten stars. This is definitely one of the worst movies I have stumbled upon in a long, long time.

Apparently there are different versions of this film as there seem to be versions which differ in length. Several sites/reviewers have pointed out that they watched a version which is about 2 hours 30 minutes. However the version having watched was slight over 1 hour 34 minutes.

As expected this film isn't great but expected something more creative and more over the top given its title. Its clear Bill Zebub isn't exactly trying as these films don't seem too take long to make. "Dickshark" is essentially an low budget adult film of sorts disguised as an artistic indie.

The acting is stale, the comedy isn't funny and the sharks are entirely too fake looking. Based on the plot synopsis before watching, we knew it isn't to be taken serious. Also does not much make sense, as are we to believe the little "shark" in the opening scene is the same one that appears throughout the film and in the end?

Similar to Holocaust Cannibal, this features most of the women appearing nude with silly nonsense dialogue, background music and slow motion fights.

The film entitled "Dickshark" is a breathtaking piece that challenges everything you thought you knew as a film goer. With acting that would make the likes of Meryl Streep jealous, and robotic sharks that will have Spielberg shaking in his boots. This film is a must watch and is a hilarious tale for individuals of all ages.