Je n'ai pas honte

"I'm Not Ashamed" (2016 release; 112 min.) brings the story of 17 yr. old student Rachel Scott, who was the very first victim at the Columbine High School tragedy in 1999. As the movie opens, we get TV footage from those horrifying moments right after the shootings. We then go back in time, when Rachel was 8 years old, and her parents are splitting up, leaving her mom in a financial struggle to raise 5 kids. We then go to "April 1998 - Sophomore Year", with Rachel doing well in school. Rachel is particularly interested in the drama class. At this point we're not even 15 min. into the movie but to tell you more would spoil your viewing experience.

Couple of comments: this movie is marketed as a "christian" film, and plays out like one. If that is going to bother you, please do yourself a favor and catch a different movie for your enjoyment. I really didn't know what to expect and was pleasantly surprised at the maturity, even sophistication, of this movie (the script is based on Rachel's journals, we are reminded at the beginning of the movie). That said, it is also a bit of a missed opportunity, as it focuses mainly on Rachel, and not hardly any time on the 2 shooters. If you have the expectation that this movie might delve into the "why did they do it", this movie will not provide the answer (other than some very general and broad brushes). All that said, the last 15 min. of the movie packs an emotional wallop, for obvious reasons. The movie makers hit the bull's eye when they cast Masey McLain as Rachel, she is absolutely fantastic. Bottom line: this is a fine movie (made on a dime, total budget a mere $1.5 million). But if you want to understand Columbine, this is not the movie for it. (Earlier this year, Sue Klebold, the mother of Dylan, one of the 2 Columbine shooters, issued a devastating memoir called "A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy", which I would readily recommend to anyone, Christian or not.)

The movie opened on a couple of screens this weekend here in Cincinnati. The Saturday matinée screening where I saw this at was attended very nicely, somewhat to my surprise. It sounds like there is a market for well-made Christian films. If, on the other hand, you want to get a look at the promising life of one of the Columbine victims (who this year otherwise would be 34 years old), then I would readily recommend you check this out, be it in the theater, on VOD, or eventually on DVD/Blu-ray.

I'm Not Ashamed is based on the life and premature death of Rachel Joy Scott, a student who went to Columbine High School on the fateful day Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris committed, what was at the time the worst school shooting in U.S. history. The film is brought to you by Pure Flix Entertainment, an independent Christian film and television studio which should give you an indication of who this movie is for and what it's trying to accomplish. Given my particular track-record with this production company, I came in fully expecting to hate this film - especially given its uncomfortable subject matter. Yet by the time the film reached its inevitable, heartbreaking conclusion, I must admit, this little Christian title had me a bit misty-eyed.

The film begins with a young Rachel drawing on her wardrobe cabinet with Crayon. We're given a brief tour of her broken home before she's whisked away as a teen to Louisiana for the summer to stay with her aunt (under the pretense of avoiding negative influences). It is in Louisiana she rediscovers Christ, starting her sophomore year at Columbine as a baby born again with a necklace cross to prove it. Yet as she rejoins her friends she soon recognizes the struggle of being disciplined in a school culture dominated by teenage angst, blossoming libidos and weekend partying.

Is I'm Not Ashamed Ham-fisted; yeah, pompous and overbearing; sure, amateurish in its execution; you bet, but the story, partially taken from Rachel's diary has a ring of truth to it. We're put into her head-space and can empathize with her struggles to fit in while staying true to her values, finding humility in ourselves as she stumbles, falls and gets up again learning as she goes. For once I felt like I was watching a movie about a Christian instead of a Christian movie. It never feels like a lecture or a sermon but rather a case for understanding; a peek into a worldview through a coming-of-age tale.

The story is served stupendously by the young Masey McLain who doesn't so much debut as arrives to the medium announcing she's the genuine article. She easily sidesteps the stodgy staging, internalizes the poorly delivered lines of her counterparts and reacts like everything is designed for her. That's no easy feat when you have a movie that has her pulling a manic pixie girl routine for a homeless man (Davies) with poorly designed tribal tattoos and the haircut of a 1960's NASA employee.

Additionally, the very rudimentary direction and cinematography can't help but undercut the film at every turn. There wasn't a single inspired moment. Of course an argument can be made that I'm Not Ashamed purposely eschews the Norman Rockwell sheen of Miracles from Heaven (2016) or Heaven is For Real (2014) to give it a certain authenticity. Yet I'd be more receptive to that idea if it wasn't so obvious they were trying for it. At it's best the film has the poorly executed sweep of a below average music video complete with scenes of the least exciting teenage ragers in history. At its worst I'm Not Ashamed resembles a Valtrex commercial.

A lot can be said about producer David A.R. White and Pure Flix's unabashed cavort towards Christ-ploitation but at least there's little doubt they actually believe what they're selling. I'd be lying if I said I didn't pruriently enjoy the flippant potshots towards groups not attune to the film's values - in this case the silliest analog is Cameron McKendry as a crush who "doesn't want to use labels". At this point, the kind of culture war contrarianism this kind of stuff is known for should be reacted to with a roll of the eyes.

Yet when all is said and done, Rachel's initial message of compassion and kindness shines through the usual muck and noise. While yes, it might be just as shabby looking as your average 7th Heaven (1996- 2007) riff, the familiar wrapping shouldn't necessarily dissuade. For once we're treated to a grown up, Christian worldview that proudly states what it's about instead of quibbling over what it's against. Considering that almost never happens, I'm Not Ashamed is arguably the best Christian film made yet.

And yes I did chuckle during the credits when, once again, we were zealously given the number to the film's text campaign.

I don't consider this a Christian movie, it's a movie about Rachel and her experiences at Columbine during the last year of her life. I'm not sure why people are discrediting the movie. Richard Castaldo was shot only inches away from Rachel, he told the press that Eric asked her about her belief in God before he shot her. Also, the basement tapes showcase Eric and Dylan's disdain for Jesus and Christianity.....and life. The movie shows the difficult environment these columbine students had to navigate daily, it's worth a watch.

Taking something very tragic and turning it into some inspiring made this film watchable.

This movie was very well done. Great story and the fact that it is a true story makes it much better. It brought me back to my high school days. Rachel was a great soul who helped everyone who came in her path. I don't understand the controversy or how some say it was exploited. This is her story and she was a Christian. That's all. In her own words, "Love and compassion can start a chain reaction." Highly recommended.