Black Wake

All I can think is "Oh Hai, Mark!" What starts out as a horribly, terribly acted movie soon turns into an embarassing mess of writing, acting, directing and unintentional butchering of the english language.

But stick with it and you'll see some of the worst cinema you'll see in ages. It's worth it for the laughs! The main, terrible, actress (Nana) talks into a (web?) camera throughout the movie as a narrator of sorts. The camera is mounted above her forehead and she has to look up at it with her twisted smile, terrible acting, awful pronunciation and a psycho look in her eyes. It all seems intentionally comical, but -- its not. It's super serious and it's super super bad.

The writing - oh wow - there are so many terrible quotes of cringe and nonsense, you'll feel like you're drunk trying to follow the dialogue. Just listen to it.. and it's really (unintentionally) funny-bad. Unlike tongue-in-cheek movies like the Sharknado series, this movie thinks its a seriously good flick, and it's hilarious to watch it try to pretend that it's an actual movie.

It tries to be a found footage film in a lot of the scenes, but it often raises the question : "Who is filming this? Where did the camera to film that come from??" Its so poorly thought out, its awesome-bad.

No it's not Tommy Wiseau bad, but it's pretty damn close. The main actress is worth it just to see how bad she is trying to be good.

It's still worth a 1/10 - but if you watch it just to enjoy its worst-in-class acting and its worst-in-class dialogue, you certainly will get some laughs and some groans. Just don't think it's serious.. and you might want to stream it so you can move the slider to give yourself a bit of break from having to watch the whole thing.

I just know that my brain now hurts and I don't think my eyes will ever forgive me.

Nana is married to Carlos Keyes, who wrote this movie for her. Period. But, she's beautiful!

Well, if you can call it a film. It completely lacks a coherent narrative. It makes no sense. It's just disjointed writing and crude images.

Paraphrasing a line from the film of course, but it fits.

Example: My colleagues - what few are left - are gone.

Also, very hard to hear/understand some of the main actress' dialogue. I think her English actually improved during the course of the film, but I wish I had subtitles available.

Got to give some credit for Lovecraftian horror theme though.

I watched the trailer and that screamed unwatchable bilge ... How bad do films have to get before you don't call them films anymore, just pointless images on a screen that are on in the background as the dregs of society talk about their day in work and change the babies nappies ??? ... Well quite frankly the trailer was too much of a waste of life to even consider watching the film ... It is actually one of those times you actually look up the director and make sure you don't even bother watching a trailer if it involves the people who made this dross ... Hey look, I made a film ... No dear, you made a waste of equipment and wasted peoples time