Bikini Mayhem

No matter how low you set your expectations, this will still be worse than that. I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane - this looked like something mindless yet fun, something to pass the time. It was certainly mindless, but that's all. There is absolutely nothing positive to say about the film.

Avoid.

A bunch of skanky dough-bodied lop-sided boob-jobbed, desperate, females lounge around posing in various stages of unattractive undress in this near zero plot movie shot in a voyeuristic sort of way.

If that's your deal maybe you'll like this movie, but there's better titillation on the internet. There's an even less attractive girl in a purple nighty who keeps getting the attention of the other girls, but doesnt want it.

She goes home to her dim apartment longing for a job as a model. But don't you need looks? She doesnt have any. Plus she can't even act and she doesn't shave her arms! They look like big foot's arms!

This movie is absolutely horrible and stupid. The only saving grace is that more than half the movie has no dialog.

Don't bother.

It should come as no surprise that I hadn't ever heard about this 2015 horror movie titled "Bikini Mayhem", from writer and director Eric Williford, prior to stumbling upon it by random chance here in 2023. And with it being a movie that I had never seen or heard about, and with it being a horror movie with a campy title, of course I opted to sit down and give the movie a fair chance.

However, I have to admit that my expectations to the movie were slim to none, given the movie's title and the fact that there were no one the least bit famous mentioned on the movie's cover.

And the movie starts out with a nearly six minute long cringeworthy photo session of topless ladies, so that pretty much set the standards of what you were in for here. Now, of course that is a great thing if you are into that sort of entertainment in movies. I must admit that I am looking for something a bit more meaningful when I watch movies, so I didn't enjoy that intro in the movie.

With an entire cast ensemble of unfamiliar actresses and actors, it sounded up my alley, as I enjoy watching movies that stars unfamiliar talents. However, the acting performances in "Bikini Mayhem" were somewhat wooden and rigid at best, so yeah, it wasn't all that great.

There is a lot, and I do mean a lot, of pointless necessary filling footage throughout the course of the 78 minutes that the movie ran for. And taking away so much from the actual storytelling, by showing things not important to the storyline, made for a boring and pointless viewing experience.

"Bikini Mayhem" is an amateurish movie project, no doubt about it, probably filmed with a home digital video camera, because there was no proper editing, no proper production, no proper lighting, etc. And the best thing about this ordeal from writer and director Eric Williford, was actually the movie's cover.

My rating of "Bikini Mayhem" lands on a generous one out of ten stars.

I am in complete disbelief. For a low-budget film, it surprised me with its quality. It takes a real passion to release something this artistic to the public. There is definitely room for improvement, particularly with the plotline and editing. I'll keep an eye on this director and I suggest you do the same.

Not even the bare skin, and kinda bare chesticles can rescue this strange creation.