Amityville Death House

Despite watching wall to wall dreadful Amityville films for some reason I had higher hopes for this one. I thought the cover art was fantastic, almost a homage to old B movies and I wanted to see what was going on with this big boobed spider woman! Alas I was foolish in my expectations and yet again this blatant cash grab failed to deliver on every front. And the spider woman? Well there is one, barely.....but that isn't her on the cover.

With yet another baffling storyline, clear budget limitations and awful cast this can be put on the shelf right alongside all the other embarrassing Amityville efforts.

The Good:

Interesting covert art

The Bad:

Cover art is a lie

Shoddy camera work

Eric Roberts is just terrible here

Awful deaths

Effects are just pitiful

Mysterious whispers have never worked

Why cast Eric Roberts if you aren't even going to show his face?

Wow this is bad, really bad. Not even Eric Roberts voice to save this movie.

The acting is terrible, the characters are uninteresting and the special effects are dire. There is nothing interesting or entertaining about this film, it's not even so bad it's good, it is just plain bad.

Why is Eric Roberts even in this? You even get to see him.

This movie may have had a good idea but did not have the budget or talent or vision to do anything with it.

I sat through this dreck hoping to find something, anything I could like about the movie, but nope. I would not recommend watching this at all. Maybe with a better cast and director it might have been a good horror film but sadly it was not even fun to watch,

On the whole, this is a decently written screenplay limited by budget. It would be a better film if the actors were more capable (less awkward, more professional) save Eric Roberts who was the only bright spot in the whole dismal affair.

I'm giving it 4-stars. I was going to give it three but Eric Roberts did a great job with what he was handed.

Being an Amityville fan I am often nightly offended when newbies make a 'movie' and try to cash in by using such a well known title such as Amityville. But I am still curios to see how they are made and if they have any connection whatsoever.

Well. Here we have a group of friends on their way to Amityville which seems to have relocated from New York to Canada. They are led by a girl on her way to visit her grandmother and when they arrive they find a book of the dead. And then you can guess the rest.

This is not a found footage film but you wouldn't think so straight away as it appears to have been filled on a mobile phone. The camera work is truly appalling. The acting from the 'actors' is so wooden I found myself tensing up as they spoke their dialogue, half expecting them to make a mistake.

The makeup is... Mashed potato. I think.

Sound editing was allover the place. Often the sound effects and over use of static noise would be so distracting you forget to try and concentrate on what's actually going on.

Directing was abysmal. Director tells a guy to laugh at a joke thats not funny. And he let's out an over acted laugh. Director asks a young 21 year old to act as if she's a bed ridden 89 year old. And she acts 21 covered in paper mache.

This film states that it's STAR is Eric Roberts. Sadly I never finished the film as I simply couldn't bear it any more. But I never saw him whatsoever. Maybe he appears at the end. But if so. Shame on him.

Every thing about this 'film' is truly dreadful. However. There is one good thing to come out of it. The poster.

This is a Palonia brothers movie. When you see that name, you know what you're getting (or not getting to be more accurate).

Will there be a good script? No.

Will the direction be good? No.

Will any of the actors be even remotely talented? No.

Will the special effects knock your socks off? No.

Having none of these things can often lead to a great time while watching a movie (see: Neil Breen, Jim Wynorski, Andy Sidaris, Albert Pyun, Fred Olen Ray, etc, films for example).

And really, that's what makes the Palonia Bros so terrible. They can't even screw up in a way to make it fun. They just churn out these boring, awful films.

This one is no different. Avoid it. Go watch something by one of the guys names above and thank me later.