Pumpkins

Admittedly, I really enjoy a terrible horror movie. That being said, this is quite possibly the worst movie I have ever seen, and not in a good way lol.

I recently viewed Pumpkins (2018), a United Kingdom film available on Tubi. The story revolves around a farmer who undergoes a transformation into a vengeful figure after a prank gone wrong, targeting those responsible. When a group of survivalists mistakenly camp on the wrong farm, they face an unexpected and sinister encounter.

Directed by Maria Lee Metheringham (A Vault of Victims), the cast includes Dani Thompson (Christmas Slay), Craig Edwards (The House of Screaming Death), Maria Lee Metheringham (Control) and James Bayes (World on Fire).

Pumpkins is a classic, low-budget thriller that borrows elements from the Halloween and Pumpkinhead franchises, creating a somewhat chaotic blend. If the film had offered compelling kill sequences, it might have held more value. Unfortunately, it suffers from subpar acting, awkward background music, and a lack of noteworthy kill scenes. Some moments with the killer mimic obvious Michael Myers poses were also strange.

In summary, there are few redeeming qualities in this movie. I would give it a rating of 2.5/10 and strongly recommend considering other viewing options.

One of the poster for this film, not the principal one here but the other is pretty cool looking and reading the synopsis it looked like it could be a good low budget slasher flick.

Sadly there is not much to redeem in this movie. The mask/head of the killer look cool... some of the actresses are cute (but don't even expect typical horror movies nudity)... Beside that... man oh man what a mess.

The story is barely existant, the characters make no sense, the editing is choppy, even the murders are not shown half the time probably due to budget reasons. The ones that do are nothing great either.

Speaking of the budget, it must have been pretty low. Its even filmed with one of those type of cameras they use in late night softcore adult movies, it does not feel like a real movie camera, if it make any sense.

I started the movie 1 night after having a few beers just expecting a cool late night drunk slasher time for instance i had lots of fun watching Terrifier that way last year, but i had to turn off the movie after 30 mins. The beginning is the worst part too. I started it again tonight because i hate not finishing a movie by principle and altough it do get more tolerable, i can't say i enjoyed anything with it.

Im assuming the peoples making this movie probably worked with a very low budget as i said above and are probably just passionate of slasher flicks, so i feel a bit bad trashing the movie like this but got to call it for what it is. Its not good at all. Make an Uwe Boll movie look big budget...

Oh jeez, not another British horror. You got your mumblers, and you got your obscure slang.

Story goes like this: Old man loves his pumpkin patch. A couple hooligans like to trespass, throw rocks at him, and taunt him with songs (seems like there's a song for everything in this). Anyway, they come back and draw on his pumpkins, the old man keels over, and dumps growing agent into the ground. He re-emerges as some sort of a mutant pumpkin man, who proceeds to kill everyone in sight for the remainder of the movie.

Apparently he's got a lot of land, because he ventures pretty far out to kill trespassers, but then he goes to the pub for more killing, and in the stinger, he's about to kill a trick or treater, out at someone else's house! I think this plot is limited to "Mutant pumpkin man goes on killing spree."

Wow, does this movie have a non-ending. I'm assuming time and/or money factored. It just ENDS. I had to rewind to make sure I didn't miss something. A couple pumpkins roll into the yard? And that means? One kid is cleaning out a pumpkin, and it takes his fingers off. Yep. Killer pumpkins.

I'm not sure what planet they got this quote from, but the box says "Wild, Over the top, and Totally horrifying!" I can safely tell you, three things this movie is NOT, is (1) wild, (2) over the top, OR (3) totally horrifying.

I've boosted my score for pretty much one reason: Pub-maid Pam, played by Dani Thompson. She is one super fox... Who can't act. Her imdb profile photo is re-donk-u-lous. Oh, they do throw in a couple meta remarks. Yeah, I'm easy to please, though Pumpkins offers very, very little to the slasher genre.

To make a decent horror movie you don't actually need a decent budget. You need a decent script, you need decent actors and - more than anything else - you need a decent talent behind the camera who know how to utilise all the tricks of cinema to generate and maintain suspence, tension, mood, atmosphere and - above all - tension.

Pumpkins has none of these things.

What starts with a set-up that might have worked if played as a comedy but is instead played dead straight, proceeds to follow up the lack of jokes with a lack of anything you want from a horror movie. It doesn't even have a decent ending - it just ends with no sense of resolution or even a final confrontation. Another character gets killed off, many more still alive, we get a few shots of night time roads and then ... it ends. No idea what the heck that was supposed to be - the only thing I can guess at is that they were shooting it in order and then ran out of budget so just stopped.

There isn't a single redeeming feature to this film. Utterly astonishing in quite how bad it is.

If you are looking for low budget horror, everyone involved has made better movies - search out their IMDb profiles and find something better there. Literally anything will do; this is the career low point of everyone involved.