Citations

Looking back at those Los Angeles films now it's ... shocking to me. I don't know what to say. Not from a sexual point of view, but from a memory perspective. It's amazing how much I've ... locked away ... deep inside myself. Seeing them again brought some of it back and it's like a time machine. Seeing my younger self ... full of hope, optimism ... it's a strange experience. I struggle sometimes to understand how quickly life has passed and what happened to the kid in the picture.

I was a happy-go-lucky kid. I did pretty well in most things ... I wasn't a star, but I was a pretty good kid. I wanted to be liked. I still do, I guess. Some things never change.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed to think of how I sort of fell into sex films. I had the intention of being an actor -- a serious actor -- and yet ... I was a sex worker. But looking back, I think I blocked out what I was doing. I had fun. I went along with it because it was easy money. But I didn't think of the bigger picture. I didn't care. I always think I should have asked more questions of myself. More questions ...

Now that I think about it there are parts of those days that I miss. It was fun: I got paid and I had sex. There was a loose atmosphere and the world was more innocent. Today ... life can be ... it's complicated. It's all complicated.

What is shocking to me today -- truly shocking -- is that these films still exist ... and that people are interested in them. Never in a million years did I expect anyone to be interested in this. I thought they were ephemeral. I didn't think they'd last. I thought they would just disappear after playing in theaters. This is just ... I can't explain. It's mind boggling.

It was strange to stop making films. On the one hand, I'd had a ball and didn't regret it. But equally I didn't miss it. I'd had enough. I'd done it all and it was time to move on. I didn't stay in touch with anyone from the business. And I didn't think about it too much. Occasionally I bumped into people on the street from the old days and it was fun to reminisce. In the late 1970's I saw Tina Russell, but she was in a very bad way under the influence of some drug or another. I didn't even say hello to her. She was just out of it. That made me sad. I heard she died a year or two after that.