lopingbuzzard

"I think he likes me! Why doesn't he call?" "I think she likes me! Should I call her?"

There must be about 100 characters that this movie asks us to care about and keep track of who knows who, who works with who, who's sleeping with who, who USED to sleep with who, who's a friend of a friend... I frankly just didn't care about any of these people enough to try to keep track of all their relationships and juvenile dating games.

My wife assured me it wasn't a "chick-flick" and that even men who see it learn something. Right. Here's what I learned:

1 - People are stupid. 2 - Most men are jerks. 3 - Most women are insane.

Can we go see "Taken" now?

The coolest thing about this game is that it contains all of Manhattan. All the streets, anyway. Unfortunately, most of the buildings are generic with just a smattering of actual buildings and landmarks such as St. Patrick's and the UN building. You cannot enter into most of these buildings, however, with a few exceptions like Grand Central. The only buildings you can enter are generic restaurants, hotels, and laundries. And they are all the same - the interior of every hotel is exactly the same, as is every convenience store and strip club.

It was fun to roam the streets of Manhattan again, and safer than doing it for real. The game-play, however was pretty bad. The main story missions are somewhat amusing, but the regular police work is painfully repetitive. Stolen cars, fights among the homeless, rock bands wrecking hotels... you have to deal with these problems over and over and over.

This game might be appealing to anyone who has never seen, played, or heard of GTA: San Andreas. To everyone else, it's just a cheap, buggy, boring, knockoff. Forget playing the game. Just enjoy touring Manhattan without the normal traffic - sort of a Manhattan ghost town.

Yes, there are many improvements over GTA III - motorcycles,

weapons, bailing out of a moving car, etc. But the city itself just

doesn't measure up.

GTA III's Liberty City is based on New York, while GTA Vice City is

based on Miami. The GTA games are crime games. Roaming the

streets of New York (Liberty City), it just FEELS like a crime-filled

city. It feels natural to jack a car or pop a Triad. The city is grimey

and dirty. You can see the old stepped-on wads of gum on the

sidewalk. Everything is grey and slimy and filthy. It's a breeding

ground for crime. The ideal setting for a game like this. A

small-time criminal would feel right at home in this town.

Vice City, on the other hand, is too slick, too clean. When I first

started the game, it seemed so out of place to steal a car.

Everything is so bright and shiny and glowing in pastel neon

colors. And the streets are so narrow! Is Miami really like that?

Tiny little cramped streets? And the main character's clothes!

Give me back my baggy pants and jacket - these Hawaiian shirts

and checkered golf pants are for tourists, not would-be crime

lords.