Star Wars: L'ascension de Skywalker

Where the Mandalorian feels like somebody taking their own beloved Star Wars fantasy and putting it on screen, this feels like a marketing product. While the direction is enjoyable, the actors are doing a great job, the writing and the story is just checking boxes.

Retcon what the fans hated in the last movie? Done. Callbacks to the originals? Done. Cute new animals and droid for toys to sell? Done. New stormtrooper looks for game skins? Done. Are we blowing up random planets? Sure...

Best to get your SW fix from the expanded universe stuff. Pehaps where the company didn't spend a billion dollars on marketing, there's still room for a kid to look over the setting alien suns of his planet and dream of something more.

Unfortunately, this movie somehow reflects the way society's been going on for the last 15-20 years - the ever growing trivilialization, consumerism and regurgitation of works of genius from past generations who paid blood, sweat and tears for their works to be seen, heard and fealt - all of this now to get a quick buck at the local mall. Shameful...shameful...

Star Wars: Episode IX is, at times, a decent thrill ride, and it provides us with some satisfying moments, but it fails to tell a compelling story. It feels empty. It rushes through a corporate checklist of must-have moments at a chaotic pace. It manages to thrill with epic space battles, but it lacks a soul. There's no creative vision here, no story to tell. The pressure that comes with making a Star Wars movie seems to have shackled the creators, preventing them from doing anything interesting with the film. It's a shame. The Star Wars universe is one of the greatest fictional universes ever created. It should provide fertile ground for many new and interesting stories. If I were Disney I would take a serious look at the creative process for these films. They could probably learn a thing or two from Marvel Studios.

3 stars.

I'm not even sure why it gets three stars. Let's see...

1. Occasionally it is pretty to watch 2.

3 stars is a stretch, ill be honest. While technically it's a well produced movie with great visuals and the phenomenal star wars sound track, each of these are borrowed from better films. And that's it. The only pro. Borrowed kudos.

But, in all the ways that matter, this film is a hot mess.

The story is just a poor fetch quest followed by a sprinkling of nostalgia bait. That's it. My dog could have made a better film.

The folks at Disney that made this film should feel ashamed and find another calling.

Now, I actually don't have a lot of issues with this film. Only 3 issues really stand out to me, but they are 3 very major issues. The first is the pacing. Were the prequels or The Last Jedi too slow for you? Well, this movie moves along so fast it barely gives you any time to breathe! For some who just want to go on a fun ride, this might be a good thing. For me though, slowing down and letting the characters just talk to each other is really important. This movie barely does that. There is always something going on or a plot twist being dropped. It went so fast, I didn't even have time to comprehend a lot of it! This movie feels very rushed. It does slow down a little later on, but it's still a major issue with a good chunk of the film. There are also WAY too many new characters introduced! You have a large enough cast as it is, just work with what you already have! My second issue is Palpatine. It's no spoiler that Emperor Palpatine returns in this movie. His voice can be heard in every trailer and he's on the teaser poster. You're supposed to know this going in. Palpatine's return is handled horribly. He's supposed to be the main villain even though he's been completely absent from the last two movies. It's completely anti-climactic. None of the characters know who he is or have any real connection with him. We're supposed to accept that he's somehow still alive even though we saw him die! He fell down a pit and EXPLODED!!! It's not like bringing back Maul or Boba Fett. They literally tell you he came back to life in the opening crawl and then go on to hand-wave it away with a prequel meme. That's it. I'm not kidding. It's embarrassing how poorly-written he is. They never explain where he's been all this time, what he's been up to, why he's been doing it, how he's been doing it, why he's waited so long, or how he was resurrected. Did someone fish his body out of the Death Star? Is he some kind of clone, like in the old Dark Empire comics? Is he a ghost? I have no idea, and I bet the filmmakers don't either. It's insulting. The third issue I have with this film is the lack of continuity with the other movies, The Last Jedi especially. A lot of that movie is either ignored or undone by this movie. Rose is replaced with a giant slug monster and relegated to a background role, they bring in an Emperor figure when the last movie made a point to get rid of that and have Kylo Ren be the main villain, and let's just say that Rey isn't exactly a nobody. Could you imagine if Richard Marquand got rid of Lando and made Luke not actually Vader's son in Return of the Jedi? It's so frustrating. JJ Abrams sacrificed a flowing narrative for this trilogy for his own original vision. It's selfish and it's childish. Again, this may be a positive if you hated The Last Jedi. I really like The Last Jedi, so this really bothered me. It's clear that there was no plan for this trilogy from the beginning and the filmmakers didn't have enough communication with one another. It's not only TLJ that this movie retcons. Bringing Palpatine back really diminishes Anakin's sacrifice at the end of Return of the Jedi and kind of rewrites the entire Star Wars mythos. He was the chosen one, prophesied to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force. He did that by killing Palpatine in Return of the Jedi. Only he didn't, Palpatine survived. I had the same issue with the old Expanded Universe. I thought the reason they got rid of the EU was so that they could improve on the post-Jedi storyline, not repeat the same mistakes it made, only somehow worse. Who's the chosen one now? What's the point of the prophecy? What did Anakin die for? I have no idea! This movie also contradicts some of the newer books and comics. Again, I thought the point of getting rid of the EU was to create a more cohesive universe with the films and the non-film material. If the movies are still going to ignore or contradict the books and comics, why did they find it necessary to discontinue the old books and comics from coming out at all? They could have two timelines going on at the same time, I don't think it would be confusing! Anyway, I'm getting very nerdy and off-topic. From how much I'm trashing this movie, you might think that I hate it. I don't. I still had fun watching it and there was quite a bit that I enjoyed. Rey and Kylo Ren are still great, the effects are excellent as always (The integration of the Carrie Fisher footage is pretty seamless.), the action is thrilling, there's good comedy, the acting is good and there are many surprises that got me genuinely excited. I also liked how it didn't retcon the Luke storyline from TLJ, they just made it more clear for those in the audience who didn't fully understand the point of it in the last movie. This movie also explains why Hyperspace ramming isn't a common tactic in warfare in the Star Wars universe, after it was shown to be so deadly in The Last Jedi. Overall, this movie is an absolute mess and a major disappointment, but it makes for a fun time out at the movies. Just don't think too hard about how it connects with the other Star Wars movies and you'll be fine. I can see why people like it, it's just not for me.